"Lose Myself to Find Myself"

Yesterday marked the four month milestone since my hip replacement. I didn't realize it until I was at the doctors office getting a physical so I can schedule my mammogram. I don't know why they need to check you "down under" when there isn't anything to check, but I'm glad that's over for at least another year or two. I had a friend call me in the afternoon and asked me how I was doing with my hip. I told her that the pain is a lot better but I still can't walk very well without a cane. She made the comment that "isn't it funny how it never is as good as what God gave us." Boy that is so true, the replacement parts just don't feel as good as the parts we were born with. I went to see my friend this week who is helping me through this thing we call mortal life. I always feel a lifting of the dark cloud that hangs over me when I leave. We always talk about the passing of Kamber and my question is always the same, "will I ever get over this feeling of sadness?" His answer is always, "No, you will never forget, but hopefully be able to accept it and move on." He also suggested that I do some writing about my feelings and thoughts everyday. Also to keep a "gratitude journal" because having gratitude is one of the most powerful and healing emotions that we have. Huh! That's my problem I don't show enough gratitude for all the blessings that I have in my life everyday. It is so easy for me to get caught up in the chores I have to get done or the errands that I need to run, it becomes overwhelming for me. I was just talking to Spencer about some challenges I have and he suggested that I go to Denver with them for a week or two. He is such a good son and I love how he has matured into a great husband and father. I don't take any credit for that other than him seeing from me what he didn't want in his family. I was telling him how I wished I would have gotten a job and had a career after my children went to school. Then he quoted the scripture that says that "if you lose yourself then you will find yourself." So some how I need to find myself in what I've got to work with here right now.