Memorial Day 2011

Today is Memorial Day 2011. This holiday used to represent the start of summer vacation and very hot weather, but for the last three years it has taken on a whole new meaning for me. Our extended family always get together at the Mesa Cemetery on Sunday evening to decorate the graves of our ancestors who have passed through the veil to the spirit world. Last evening as we drove in to the cemetery it was so peaceful. The wind was blowing and our family were gathering. After a few hugs we started on our trek. We met at my beloved Grandma Fern's grave and the little kids were so excited to clean it off and place flowers there. We sang the hymn "High On A Mountain Top" as a tribute to her. Everyone else went on and I walked back to the truck to sit with my Dad because walking has become painful again for me with this darn hip. We had a good visit wondering if these special people in our lives were "hanging out" at the cemetery or if they were mindful of our efforts. It was interesting as we talked to realize that someday my Dad and I would be buried there and hopefully the kids and grand kids would have some nice things to say about us. After the gang got back we had refreshments. Everyone brings their favorite treats and we have a fun time mingling with hugs and laughter. When Rich got back he drove me over to see Kamber's grave. It was quiet with the cool breeze in my face. I miss her so much, but am aware of our Heavenly Father's Plan to be together again at some point. As we drove through the cemetery looking at all the American flags blowing I felt so much gratitude for everything in my life, all those liberties we enjoy as Americans but sometimes take for granted. Mindi has been put on bed rest for the remainder of her pregnancy. I have been trying to do my best to help her with the laundry and Candi was nice to take me to the grocery store on Saturday. Hopefully we can make it through the next five weeks so her baby can be born strong enough to survive. I know it is frustrating for her to not be up doing all the chores she does and it's time for her kids to step in and grow up and learn to "Put Your Shoulder To The Wheel" and move along helping and serving as much as they can.

Birthday, Conference and Tender Mercies

Thanks to everyone who called and thought of me on my birthday, it was actually really nice to have a Sunday birthday. I'm always glad when the calender flips to the 23rd. We had the family all over for dinner and that's always a ton of fun, very LOUD, but the grand kids love it. I have spent two hours cleaning up my kitchen, that's okay I'm just thankful I feel well enough to work in my house. Jenn is doing better but Mindi just went to the doctor and is having pre-term labor. She needs to stay down and stop lifting or doing anything strenuous, she needs at least six or seven more weeks to have a healthy baby. We had Stake Conference this weekend and the messages were good. They talked lots about service, temple work, and adversity, all things I need to work on. I felt the spirit and know what I felt was inspiration to change things in my life.

I hope to have some time this week to work on my quilts. I have always wondered why I enjoy working on these little labors of love. Well my Dad recently went up to the White Mountains and brought back a quilt that my grandmother made, he brought it over to me yesterday. I guess she won some blue ribbons for the work she had done on it. It also survived a fire that destroyed their house, there are a few dark spots from the smoke that got into the chest it was kept in but otherwise it lookss really good. My Dad wanted me to have it and as I was looking at it I could see all the tiny hand sewn stitches of my Grandmother. I don't think she used a sewing machine it looks all hand stitched. I also couldn't stop thinking the odds of it being purple and white, Kamber's favorite colors. Maybe this is one of those tender mercies we talk about all the time, if it is, thank you.

What The Heck!

Yesterday was a busy and stressful day for me. I had decided to make tamales and that took all morning to mix the masa, roll them and get them cooked. Thank heavens Mindi came down to help. I got a call from Spencer wanting to take me to lunch for my birthday. That would have been fun but I was up to my eyeballs in tamales. He ended up just picking me up a burger and we had a nice little visit before he loaded up his dog Trixie and headed back to Colorado. In the mean time, Candi called asking if we could watch her boys while they went to sign on their new home, it has taken 18 months to finalize this deal. Mindi needed to run to the store to get some supplies for Dave and Trace as they were leaving for the Grand Canyon at ten o'clock last night arriving home tonight. It was also Rich's birthday but he spent it at the Temple and working, so that was just fine with us. During the day yesterday I got a little wave of nausea moving through but just thought it was the stress I was under. This morning when I woke up at 4:45 a.m. I was so sick. I had the "GREAT GAMBOO" and have been in bed all day except for getting up to the bathroom or to get a drink. What the heck is wrong with me that I keep getting all these weird flu symptoms? As I was lying in bed this morning not able to eat, Ethan called asking if I could go to their house and watch the kids because Jenn, who is a few months pregnant was bleeding and needed to go to the doctor. I was glad when they found someone else and even more relieved when he called to tell me the baby is okay and she needs to just take it easy for a couple of days. I don't know how people do it that have more than four kids and almost sixteen grand kids, it seems like there is always some one who needs help. I finally decided that I should get up and walk around the house hopefully to prevent bed sores and get my mind off of my symptoms. Hopefully I will feel way better tomorrow, we have a big weekend with Stake Conference and my birthday extravaganza, ha, ha! I hate getting old.

Remembering Johnny Lingo

When I was a young girl growing up I loved to watch the movie "Johnny Lingo." It's about a shrewd Polynesian trader who comes to one island to bargain for a girl to be his wife. Her name is Mahana and was considered ugly and undesirable by her neighbors and even her father. As Johnny Lingo negotiates with her father she is hiding in a hut so shy and scared while the village people make fun of her. Anyway, to make a long story short he ends up offering her father "eight cows" for her hand in marriage which was considered a very high price. The villagers didn't think he would show up with the cows but he brought all eight of the them and off he went with his Mahana who he had loved since childhood. Because of the way he treated her she became a very beautiful woman. I was sitting in church last week and these memories of this little movie that I had seen at least twenty times kept coming in to my mind. What we say and how we treat others can make a difference in their self worth. I know at times I compare my life to those around me and wonder what is wrong with me? Why don't I have what they have? Why don't I feel the same way as them? I was talking to a family member who I absolutely adore the other day. They are extremely disappointed and feeling like giving up on life. Oh how I've been there many times. As I was giving my little pep talk I was really talking to myself. I heard my Mother's words about how "everything will work out" and we have to "keep hoeing to the end of the row," "look at how bad the pioneers had it."I guess that just means we have to keep plugging along in life until we can finally see the big picture, eternity. I don't know why this little movie made such an impression on me, I guess I've always struggled with a lack of self esteem and this gave me hope that some day I would be able to realize that I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father who knows and loves me the way I am. That gives me hope.

No Pain We Suffer Is Wasted

I hate being in pain. I was told once by a counselor that as human beings we will do anything to get relief from pain. During this earthly life we all experience different kinds of pain, some physical, some emotional and others including psychological and mental. Last week I got in the pool twice to exercise this new metal hip that is now 8 months old. Spencer even tried to convince me that pain is good, it means I'm working hard. After sitting for three hours in church yesterday I was up all night with just a dull aching pain. I don't even remember sleeping at all, but I'm sure there was a short time of snoozing. I can honestly say that I would rather be in physical pain than some of the others I have experienced. During childbirth I remember begging the doctors to help give me something to relieve the agony of labor, but they always gave me an excuse. This April Conference, in a talk there was a quote by Elder Orson F. Whitney who wrote: "No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. It is through our sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation that we gain the education that we come here to acquire." So as I struggle with the everyday ups and downs hopefully I'm gaining that education I've come here to get.

It Could Be Worse!

I had a good day yesterday. Spencer, Annie and the kids made it home from Colorado and came over to visit. We decided to brave the cold water in the pool and he helped me exercise my hip. I got the lecture about how my hip won't get better unless I put in the work rehabbing it, yada yada. Anyway, after they left Mindi got a call that Dave's truck was broken down and he needed a ride while they towed it to the garage for repairs. When Rich got home we worked on the pool pump that isn't working right. After taking it apart we found six small rocks and some leaves that were plugging it up. It still needs some more work but we were tired. Then last night as I was getting in to bed I stepped in something cold and wet. I threw a towel on the floor and would deal with it this morning. When I got up I saw that in my bathroom there was a bubble on the drywall and the carpet soaked. Obviously we have a leak in a pipe in the wall. Are you kidding me, again? When I showed Rich he cut all the drywall back, pulled up the carpet and put a fan blowing under it. What else can possibly go wrong today? We are staying home all day, which is a good thing because funds are slim right now. It's really hard to not get discouraged when everything seems to be either broken or worn out. I have learned from experience that my life goes through cycles of good and bad, happy and sad, rich and poor, actually I've never been rich so I wouldn't know what that feels like. As I was complaining about all my problems my Mom has her usual, "things will all work out," encouragement. Even if they don't work out the way I want, what can I do about it? Then Rich's secretary said, "I guess it could be worse," yeh, I'm sure it could and probably will. At least it's Friday and the end to another wonderful week.

I Survived Mother's Day!

On our way to church.

I spent all day Monday in bed with something. I don't know if it was a virus or just the overdose of chocolate from Mother's Day, but I was sure sick. All it takes is one day in bed to make me appreciate the days I actually get up and accomplish something. I didn't even get the dishes done left over from Sunday until this morning, so I'm glad to be feeling better. I had a good day on Sunday, it's always nice when your children make an effort to make you feel loved. Candi took me out to lunch on Saturday and did my hair. She is a doll. I heard from Spencer and he will be traveling home tomorrow. Mindi and Ethan both gave me nice gifts, I love them all. We had some family and friends over for dinner and when we were getting all the food out I remembered I had forgotten to take out rolls to rise and cook. Mindi forgot too, she's pregnant but I have NO excuses except old age. After dinner the extended family came to see my Mom. It gets kind of chaotic but the kids have lots of fun together. I only had a few times during the day that were sad and the tears flowed. The young men and their leaders sang in church, it was touching. As I was listening to the Music and the Spoken Word he said this is a "Tribute to Mothers" I felt the tears start to flow. What about all those mothers who have lost children? I lost a pregnancy, that was hard, but my thoughts turned to those mothers whose children have gone back to Heaven and those women who so desperately want to be mothers but for some reason will never on this earth give birth or have the opportunity to be a mother. I do know that our Heavenly Father knows us and loves each of us. I believe that if we live the commandments we will be blessed with all the righteous desires of our hearts. While all the family were here I decided to take pictures of all the girls, from my 81 year old Mother to the smallest little niece. These are the next generation of mothers in our family. Each one of them are so special to me.

All of the mothers and older future mothers

These are the younger future mothers.

Preparing for Mother's Day

I am making the final preparations to have the family over for my MOST favorite day of the year, Mother's Day. I'm trying really hard to have a good attitude and get through this weekend without sinking into the abyss. My house is clean, the lawn mowed and Mindi and I will soon be walking through the grocery store getting what we need to entertain on Sunday. Our group won't be that big, thank heavens. With Len and Julie gone and some of the other family members estranged, it will just be my parents, my kids and grand kids, my sister and her husband and Jenn's Mom and sister for dinner. Remember the days when the husbands tried to fix dinner for us? In the Greer/Larsen family that didn't work so well, so us girls plan what the heck we want to eat and do it the way we want it done. I hope the guys don't mind, ha ha! After dinner the rest of the cousins will come to see Mom and have dessert. We are so thankful to have her and my Dad with us. My sister and I went shopping for her last week and as we walked through Bed Bath and Beyond we were laughing at how our Mother probably wouldn't use our gifts, she likes the old school way of doing things, but it's the thought that counts. We went to Dillard's and bought her a purple and white blouse, we even paid full price, something I never do. I just felt it would be wrong to get something on clearance for this special person. I talked to Spencer this morning, they will be coming next week but leaving before my birthday. I'm not holding my breath because he's told me several times he was coming but his plans can quickly change. My thoughts this week have been on all the special women in my life who I admire. All of them have gone through some terrible adversities but kept on plugging away living the gospel and keeping the commandments. I hope to be worthy to see them on the other side, hopefully Kamber will be with them, I know they love her too.

What Is Happiness Anyway?

When I went outside this morning to feed my animals I looked around and had such gratitude for all my blessings. Then the thought came to me, with all these blessings why do I struggle so bad with being happy? What really is HAPPINESS? I know for me, I've spent the majority of my adult life trying to find something or someone that could make me feel joyous, but no matter what I buy or what I do, nothing seems to fill up that desire for happiness that I so desperately want. I have noticed that since Kamber passed away and I had my hip surgery, my mood has been even more dreary than it was before. As a child my parents, especially my Mother, would always quote scriptures to me about if we live the commandments our Heavenly Father will bless us. I don't ever really remember her telling me that some of the things I would go through like childbirth, raising children, trying to get along with a spouse, or losing a grandchild would test me to my very core. I know we aren't suppose to compare our situations to others but darn it, does everyone have these days that make us wonder what in the heck is going on? Life can be brutal but no matter how bad I think it is I know my life is so much better than the majority of people on this earth. So, I have come to this wonderful conclusion that I am the only one that can make me happy. I've given everyone else a chance and that hasn't worked so I will have to figure it out by myself. I want be able to make some changes in my life that will help me on this discovery. I don't know where this road will lead me, maybe just in to take a nap, but hopefully some day I will be able to find the gifts I have within me to bring the happiness I'm searching for.