What am I to learn?

I had a good friend come up to me at church and tell me she read my blog and was sorry I was having such a bad time. I could see that she really did care about me and I appreciated her concern, but was embarrassed that my blog has become so depressing. I do look through the dark part of the glass (or the glass half empty) most of the time. I wish I were are bubbly happy person who scatters sunshine every where I go, but that's just not my nature. When I was about 7 years old we were in Springerville for our usual vacation to visit my grandparents. They had a log cabin and pigs and chickens. They also had a cool irrigation ditch in front of their house that we would dig in. My sister Mell, brother Lennie and I were in the ditch playing when my grandmother came running out of the house screaming that the house was on fire. My mother who had just come out of the house to tell us to be quiet because my little brother Ben, who was one at the time, was in taking a nap. When my mom realized that Ben was in the burning house, she and my sister went and broke the window with their fists and pulled him out. It was a miracle because Ben could walk and he wasn't asleep yet, he could have easily walked out of the room into the burning house and we would not have been able to save him. I just remember standing in the ditch saying "I am going to die" over and over. I remember a lady comforting me and saying, "you aren't going to die, you are safe." Through counseling I have realized that having that experience at a very young age has caused some of my fears, phobias and anxieties.

Since Kamber passed away I have gone through the gamete of emotions from extreme sorrow to being so angry I could hurt someone. The worst part of it is you never know which emotion you will have or what will trigger it.

Yesterday at church one of the talks really made sense to me. She said, "when you are going through trials you need to pray and ask, what am I to learn from this trial?" I have thought long and hard about that ever since and realized that I really haven't asked Heavenly Father that question. I have been too worried about how I feel and not about what I should learn from this. I do know that I felt the Holy Ghost stonger than I ever have in my life during that week between her death and the funeral. I know he is the comforter, and that my Heavenly Father loves me. He has allowed me to be the grandmother of an angel child. As hard as it is, it is also a great blessing to know she dwells with the "best of the best." I hope I will be worhty some day to live with her.

Can I Just Check Out?

Does anyone care if I just check out for the month of July and come back when August hits and the kids are back in school? That would be so nice if we could just go somewhere and escape all those challenges that come our way. I hate to complain because I have been called the "most negative person" on the planet, but I will anyway. When I listen to the news and they say we have an "extreme heat advisory" for the weekend and that our temps could be around 115 degrees, it makes me want to go find the nearest tunnel and climb in. I went swimming with my friend Paula last night, (okay it was more like walking around in a bathtub) because the water was almost 90 degrees, we had good conversation but I wouldn't call it refreshing.

Last Friday I went to Kohl's with Mindi to find some clothes for her kids to take to Willcox for the 4th. As we walked in I saw these darling red, white, and blue flip flops sitting on the counter. I told Mindi how much they reminded me of Kamber and I should buy them. Anyway, we walked the whole store and when we went to check out, the little shoes were still sitting there. I couldn't help myself so we bought them. Maybe Brookie can wear them next year. I never have loved the July-August part of the summer in Arizona but now I have a special reason to despise it. The anniversary of sweet Kamber going home to our Heavenly Father is rapidly approaching and I don't know how to feel or what to think. Part of me is so happy for her, I am almost jealous of the fact she was taken out of this wicked world, but the selfish part of me misses her daily. I know July 25th will come and go and we will survive it. That's the problem; I'm sure we will live to see another summer next year.

Summer Blues

Every year about this time I seem to go into a summer depression. I think it is probably what people who live in cold climates experience in the winter when they don't see the sun for months. It is just the opposite for me, I would give anything for a monsoon thunderstorm, or even some cool cloudy weather. I have lived in Arizona my whole life and every year I wonder, why do we live here? When the weather is nice I somehow accumulate a bunch of unwanted animals that people have bought and then realize how hard they are to take care of. Then when summer comes I worry constantly about how they are doing in the 110 degree heat. I have become one of those people, in April I bought a darling baby female Flemish giant rabbit. I have always wanted one because I felt like she would grow so big she wouldn't get out of the pen so the dogs could kill her. Anyway, when I got her the weather was beautiful and I was so happy to bring her home. Well, yesterday I realized that having a 20 pound rabbit caged up in the house wasn't that great. I had to keep her in the house because anything over about 80 degrees would kill her. Anyone who has raised rabbits know that they go to the bathroom A LOT and it isn't that pleasant of a smell. So after thinking about it all day, I called my friend Lisa who is a licensed animal rescuer and told her my situation. She said, "why don't you bring her over and I will work with her and see if I can litter box train her." We took her over to Lisa who is the kindest person I know when it comes to animals, she even has a kangaroo hopping around her house. She will either keep her or find her a new home, but as we drove home I realized that I had become one of those people I get upset with who buy animals and don't realize the commitment and then dump them on others. I don't know if it is because I'm old, tired or just plain sad about the passing of Kamber, but I just don't have it in me anymore. I'm tired of everyone going on vacation and me staying home taking care of all the animals. Most of it I have brought on myself but I am going to try really hard to simplify my life and just try and endure another sweltering summer in Arizona, who knows, we may even get a storm sometime.

Boring 4th of July

I remember as a kid how fun the 4th of July was. We would sometimes go up to the White Mountains to visit my father's family. The fireworks were great, the rodeo was fun with all the cowboys they even had a parade. As I got older I even took some friends up there for the country dances. When I married a country boy from Richfield Utah we would take our little family up there to visit friends and family in "Zion." They have a great thing going up there with the parade and then everyone would go to the park where they had booths set up for the kids to do fun activities. The fireworks were held at the park and they would light them off up on a mountain. It was so loud but we had a great time. I remember seeing all the little kids in Richfield would shoot off firecrackers and have sparklers, that was foreign to me because my Mother was such a worry wart she would never let us play with fireworks, (that is where we get our paranoia.)
This year was a sad 4th for me. All my kids went out of town. Mindi and Dave went to his hometown of beautiful Wilcox. Candi and B.J. took their boys to Huntington Beach to visit his family. Ethan and Jenn took their girls up to Eagar to stay in the cabin with friends in the cool. And Spencer and Annie went to a family reunion in Montana. Rich even left me on Thurs. and went up to the Havasupai Falls with the young men and leaders in our ward. He got home Friday night but can't hardly walk, just shuffle.
While my family has been gone I have had some time to reflect on my life. It just doesn't seem fair that as mothers we spend the prime of our lives raising children, giving them all we have to give and then in a "blink of and eye" they are gone. They have their own lives with their own families. I know that is Heavenly Fathers plan, but I still don't like it.
It's hard getting old. Yesterday I went shopping at the mall with my dear friend Marlene. Then Rich and I went to Scottsdale to have dinner at the Hometown Buffet with my 80 year-old parents, my sister Mell and her husband Larry, and my favorite cousin Barb Abney. I never thougth I would be spending my 4th of July at a buffet. It was fun and nice not to have to cook and clean but it wasn't the same.
I remember when my kids were young and driving me crazy, I so wished for them to be grown and on their own. I guess you need to be careful what you wish for because eventually it all comes true.

Life Changes

It seems like life is changing all the time, most of them are small and hardly noticed but some are huge and affect your whole perspective. Last week Rich was released as the 1st counselor in the Bishopric. It has been weird to have him home on Wednesday and now on Sunday to have him in the kitchen eating breakfast is so strange. He's probably hoping they hurry and give him a calling so he doesn't have me asking him to "fix this, and fix that" all the time.

We had a really nice day yesterday, it was busy, but fun. We attended our granddaughter Tayler's baptism at 2:00 p.m. and then over to Ethan and Jenn's for a luncheon. It was so good to get together with all our kids. With Spencer and Annie living in Denver we have lots of parties without part of our family there, so it was fun to have them all there. It gets really LOUD when we get in the same house and I noticed some of Ethan's friends plugging up their ears when Ethan, Candi, Mindi and Rich and I started going at it. We definitely have our opinions and like to share them with each other.

After the party for Tayler we came home and rested for an hour and then went over to the Choules home for a "release celebration". We had a nice dinner with the ex-bishopric and the ward clerk and executive secretary and their wives. After dinner they had a little conversation about the 5 + years together. There is a special bond between men when they work together in the Priesthood or other organizations in the church. They didn't always agree on everything but it is amazing to see how the different personalities and strengths work together. Five years is a long time to serve but the blessings we received during those years made it worth it.

One thing I have noticed lately is that "life goes on." I remember right after Kamber passed away I would look around at other people and think, "they don't know how bad I feel. They don't know that my heart is aching." Now it's been almost a year and even though I can remember it like it was yesterday, it just seems like a bad dream, like it didn't really happen. I guess because I know she lives, I know she is watching over her sisters and I could feel her spirit there yesterday as Tayler was baptized. I can't wait to see her again and hug her and tell her how much I missed her.

So Busy

I don't know if it's just because I'm getting old, but it seems like the days are just rolling on and on and I'm continually "out of control." I thought when I was a grandma and my children were all grown and gone I would have some time to relax, read and make quilts to pass the time. These days it seems like I'm lucky to be able to pull the quilt up on my bed every morning when I make it. I've been getting up really early the last couple of weeks, I think mainly to go out to feed my animals before the heat is on, but then I spend the rest of the day needing a nap.
Spencer and Annie and their kids got here safely yesterday from Denver. It's always fun to have them in town but I know they are pulled from family to family the whole time they are here, but we sure enjoy them. Spencer took me to the Reebock outlet at Arizona Mills yesterday to spend some money he gets from endorsements. It's always fun to shop when you don't have to pay for it and he is so generous with the family. Tayler is getting baptised today so I've already made my lemon cake and cut up fruit for her luncheon after the baptism. This will be our third grandchild to turn 8 years old, Kylie will be the next. As I was in my kitchen cutting up the melons I was thinking about how much I miss Kamber and everytime we have a family get together it feels like someone is missing. I hope eventually that will go away and we can just be happy that Kamber didn't need to go through this hard earthly life and suffer some of the trials we are asked to bear. As I look around the news and the people close to me there are lots of people that have real hard trials in their lives. It seems like every day there is another tragedy and it breaks my heart to hear about the suffering others are going through. I guess the key is to find the joy in the good that's going on and not dwelling on the bad. That's easier said than done, but maybe I should start looking for the positive. That's a novel idea, maybe I'll try it sometime.

Another Father's Day Down

Rich with Dallas at his birthday.

This was an interesting Father's Day. We usually go to church and listen to all the cute stories about fathers and how wonderful they are, but this year it was different. We had a great meeting, but nothing about fathers. The Stake Presidency was there to release the old Bishopric and call a new one. I love the new men called and I think they will be great, but there is always the "bitter sweet thing" going on. It was nice to have Rich back sitting with me during the meeting but there is some grieving going on also. It has been five long years since we sat together in church and it just didn't seem right. I know he hates sitting on the back row, but that is where I feel best, most relaxed and safe. People make fun of me because I always have to be on the back row by the door, but I really don't care. They need to get over it because I don't give a da#* where they sit.

Dad holding Brookie at the luncheon after Kamber's funeral

After church we had a really nice dinner, we only had Mindi and Dave and their kids, no one else wanted to come and Spencer and Annie are still in Denver. At 6:30 the extended family came and we had a bunch of people. Our house is just not big enough anymore for the combined Greer families, and half of them didn't even come. It is nice to send the kids down to Mindi's so the adults can visit. I am so blessed to have my Dad still living. About five years ago he was diagnosed with prostate cancer. It is an aggressive cancer and the doctor gave him 18 months without treatment. I can't believe how well he is doing. He works in the Temple two nights a week and has a 5 acre corn patch and garden in the White Mountains. He plants a bunch of pumpkins for me and the kids for Halloween and brings home the corn stalks after the garden dries up. I can't believe how well he's doing at 80 years-old. I know there are lots of children that aren't lucky enough to have a father, and especially a father that is a faithful member of the church and honors his Priesthood. When I was growing up we didn't always see "eye to eye" but since we have both matured it has gotten lots better. I know he loves me and only wants the best for me.

I'm also lucky to have a husband who is a great father and strong member of the church with a huge testimony and heart to match. He honors his Priesthood also. He and my Dad grew up under similar circumstances and I think that is what attracted him to me. He is also a lot like my brother Lennie and that was a plus too. It seems like time is going by faster and faster, I guess that is a sign of old age. I hope we will be able to celebrate many more Father's Days with our husbands and fathers.

It Was Fun While It Lasted!

Well, the cat is out of the bag and the rumors are true, we will get a new Bishopric on Sunday. I think it is ironic that it will happen on Father's Day. As we met with the Stake Presidency last night we all felt a flood of emotions from humility to having been able to serve, to the sadness of moving on. I think we all feel like it would be selfish of us to stay any longer. There are men who need the opportunity to serve and dedicate the next five years to the members of the Gilbert 6th Ward. We absolutely love the people in our ward and appreciate all the love and support we have been given during these last five + years. The service that was rendered to us when our angel Kamber passed away last July meant so much to us and we will never forget it. We felt the prayers of our ward family and the love of our Heavenly Father stronger than we ever have before. We have prayed for you who are having trials and for all the families with missionaries who are out serving, We know what a sacrifice it is to send your 19 year-olds out into the wilderness to preach the gospel. We love you all and hope the new Bishopric will feel the same sustaining powers we have. As Rich said last night in our meeting, 'It's time for us to move on to the next village." Maybe we will even go on a vacation sometime soon, (don't count on it) but it sounded pretty good.

Sleepless in Gilbert

What a horrible night I had last night. I made the mistake of taking a nap yesterday afternoon after going swimming with the grandkids. Mondays are usually my day of rest because Sunday is always so busy with church and Sunday dinner. Anyway, I finally went to sleep at 11:30 p.m. and woke up at 1:30 a.m. with the feeling that I needed to lock my doors. I walked through my house and locked the doors and got a drink and went back to bed. I guess I had just enough sleep to not be tired (I'm sure the nap didn't help me), so I layed there and watched the clock go from 2:00 to 2:30 to 3:00 and so forth. I think I finally got back to sleep at 4:00 a.m. just as Rich was getting up to go to work. I'm too old to play that game. What is wrong with me? I have felt lately that the stress is mounting. We have had one thing after the other break down and now I'm sleeping in the guest room while my bedroom is torn up. I know July will be here before we know it and that is another worry. We have been having really nice weather but I know the hellish heat is coming. Rich tells me I'm the most negative person he has ever known, I guess he's right, but enough is enough. I need some sleep, not laying awake listening to the air conditioner all night. Well, I guess I will go in and try again, otherwise I will just watch the clock all night and worry about all I have to do with no sleep tomorrow.

Alone Time

This weekend has been really different for me. Mindi and Dave left Fiday afternoon to go to Pinedale to spend some time with the Moser family at Moser Mountain. I guess they have some land up there and the kids have fun playing with their cousins. Rich had to work on saturday so I was left here alone. My friend Marlene came over in the afternoon and we ate lunch and then I helped her make a baby quilt top. It was fun to have an adult to talk with and Marlene is fun to talk to.
This morning Rich left for Bishopric meetings at 7:00 a.m. and I was alone again until my friend Paula came to get me for church. Because I don't drive anymore and I don't even have a car, I depend on the kindness of others to move me from point A to point B. It felt really weird to have some alone time so I sat and watched "Music and the Spoken Word" on the BYU channel and then listened to a BYU Idaho devotional. The speaker was really good and he talked about how when we have adversity in our lives it changes the path and the direction we go. We learn things that we wouldn't have learned otherwise. Sometimes it just feels like we move from trial to trial, but I guess that is what gives us experiences to help us grow. If you would have told me a year ago what I would have to go through losing a grandchild and the pain, hurt, sadness and everything that comes with that, I think I would have just wanted to check out. As a family we have survived. We are coming up on a year and we are all still here. Life has a way of moving on. The sun keeps coming up and hopefully our testimonies are growing stronger. As we walk through the wilderness, I hope we are getting closer to the LIGHT.

Pulling My Hair Out

It seems like at times in my life I get in a pattern of having bad luck. It seems like I go from trial to trial. I have had a broken washer, broken ice maker, the misting system has been broken since last summer and the list goes on and on. I have spent since sat. cleaning up the mess that happened when our running broken toilet filled the septic tank and then came in the house. Our bedroom was wet from the closet to the middle of the room. I hate walking on wet carpet and then when it starts to dry the smell is horrible. It gives me anxiety and almost makes me sick. I must have washed 20 towels over and over until Rich finally just cut the carpet and moved it outside. I wanted to remodel my bathroom and bedroom but this isn't the best of times for us right now. Yesterday I went out and Ethan's dog Sadie had killed one of my rabbits and was eating the back end of him. Mindi helped me bury it. I wonder why rabbits would dig out when there are three big dogs looking at them. Anyway, I guess they deserve to die if they don't stay in their pen. Does anyone want two white labs? I haven't been sleeping well because we have moved down the hall to our spare bedroom. It takes time for me to adjust to a new setting. Yesterday I came down with a bladder infection which I hate. I need a change of scenery or maybe just a long nap. I know my trials are easy compared to some in our ward and family, but I like a smooth run not the bumps I've been experiencing lately.

Grandma's Angel Blog

I have been wanting to start a blog for grandmothers and extended family members of those who have lost grandchildren. I talked to my daughter-in-law Jenn and my counselor and they both think it would be a good idea. We would find others who are suffering from the loss of a grandchild and be able to talk about our feelings and what we can do to move along the road of grief together. It seems like every day there are more people who are going through difficult trials in their lives and I think it helps to be able to talk to those walking in the same shoes as we are.

Ethan asked me a question the other night that took me by surprise. He said "How different do you think it is being the grandmother of a child who has passed away and a parent?" I really didn't know how to answer him. I know that I think about Kamber everyday and wish I could hold her and talk to her and rub her little feet, smell her hair and just tell her how much I love her. But, I didn't have stewardship over her. I didn't give birth to her, I wasn't up with her all night when she was a baby. So I know it is 100 times worse being a parent than a grandparent.

I have a testimony of Jesus Christ and I know that because of the atonement we will live with him again and be united as a family with Kamber. Life is hard! We need to find Joy, (I don't know how to do that yet.) I love and respect all my children for the good they do everyday for those around them. They all work hard either outside or inside the home to make this world a better place. Rich and I couldn't be prouder of the way our children have grown up. I look in awe at how Ethan and Jenn have "girded up their loins, fresh courage take," and they are doing the best they can to raise their 3 other girls and keep their marriage strong and their testimonies intact.

If any out there know someone who would like to be a part of this new blog I will be started, let me know. It will be private and hopefully uplifting.

CAMP LOMIA

Yesterday we headed up to pine to Camp LOMia for Bishop's Night at our stake girls camp. This is the sixth year our same bishopric has had to go. It is probably our last as we will be getting a new Bishop soon. It was a fun night and the girls are so sweet and kind to us when we come and visit. We left at 12:30 p.m. in the afternoon and got there around 2:00. We played games with the girls until 5:00 when they had flag ceremony and then we went in to the lodge for dinner. We ate with Lennie and Julie and the other members of the Stake Presidency because they always come up also. After dinner they have a fireside and because it is the last night at camp the girls are crazy. They are sleep deprived and teary because they will be leaving camp in the morning. It was hot when we left so I didn't wear long pants and socks and shoes, so when it got dark and cold, 50 degrees when we left, I was a popsicle. I went to the truck to warm up and looked at my cell phone to see what time it was and saw I had missed a call from Mindi. She was in charge of feeding all my animals so I called her back. She informed me that the toilet that has been broken for a couple of months had run all afternoon and flooded our kitchen and bedroom with 2 inches of water. They worked for 2 hours with towels and sponges and did what they could do to stop the damage to our wood floor. Because I see the negative in everything, I became very angry. Here I was stuck in a truck in Pine (by this time Rich, the Bishop and all the girls and leaders were back in the forest having testimony meeting.) I sat in the truck from 9:00 p.m. to 10:45 by myself until they came out of the forest and up to the cabins for donuts and hot chocolate. We left at 11:30 p.m. and arrived home at about 1:00 a.m. I was so tired and all I wanted to do was go to bed, but we had tons of water all over our bathroom floor and bedroom and closet. Oh Well, that's life, I just went out to feed my animals and my pumps aren't working now, I guess because of the flood. Like Rich always says, "some days are diamonds and some days are stones." I will survive this and hopefully get some new carpet and a remondeled bathroom out of it.

SUNSPLASH!

Okay, can I just tell you that as a 56 year-old overweight grandma, I have no business being at a water park. Anyway, that is exactly where I ended up yesterday on Candi's 30th birthday. I didn't really want to go, but it was either go with Rich to get a colonoscopy or go to Sunsplash. Wow, what a choice, let me see, oh well, I'll try the water park. We got there around 1:00 p.m. and after we lathered the kids up with sunscreen we headed over to the wave pool. We waited there for about 20 minutes and no waves came and Troy was throwing a fit because he didn't want to wear a life jacket so we went to the Tadpole area for the little kids. Then we went over to the other side where the bigger slides are and I tried to find some shade. I used to be a sun worshipper but now I would rather be in a dark cave than in the sunlight. My skin just can't take the sun anymore. As I was watching all the kids go down the slides I thought of Kamber and turned to Candi and started to cry telling her that it wasn't fair that Kamber wasn't with us. That is when I think I rubbed sunscreen in my left eye and from then until we left the park at 6:00 p.m. my eye watered and stung. We did have a fun time. B.J. was so accommodating and got us food and drinks. After they went down the big slides for about an hour we went back over to where our stuff was and waited for the big kids to go the last time around the lazy river and the lilly pads. Mindi and Candi and Jenn and I sat and watched people. I am amazed at what I saw. There were every shape, size and color of people. I have never seen so many tattoos, boobs hanging out, not to mention jelly rolls, (I kept mine covered.) I also saw at least three pregnant girls in bikinis, (I think those big bellies should be covered up also.) I even saw a guy that was hairier than I have ever seen with a ring in each nipple. I am not kidding! I couldn't sleep last night because I was still trying to process the day. Rich always says that I live in a lead mine, and I think after yesterday that is true. I have been sheltered and I've tried to shelter my kids and grand kids, but we had a dose of reality at Sunsplash. As we left I told Candi this would be the last time in my life I would ever go and she said, "Don't worry we won't invite you next time." I don't blame her, but I guess it was better than a colonoscopy.

So Come What May

We had a fun day yesterday. We had Tayler's birthday party, Brooke Halcolm's wedding reception and stake conference. Tayler's party was kind of a Hawaiian theme and the kids swam in their beautiful pool with a rock slide and waterfall. I didn't swim because I needed to go to the reception and conference. I was sitting in a chair talking to Ethan while we were watching the kids swim and he said, " It feels like someone's missing." I said, "do you mean Kamber?" He said, "Yeh." It was a sad moment for me. Then last night on the way to the reception Rich said, "You know, sometimes you think you are dealing with Kamber's passing, but in reality you really aren't." I said, "Yeh, I know what you mean, I feel the same way." The reception was fun, Brook looked darling, her husband seems really nice and Kenny and Teresa did a great job with the food and decorations. It was held at the Superstition Springs Golf Club and her colors were hot pink and lime green. We stayed and visited for an hour and then off to conference we went. We got there just in time to listen to Lennie speak. He was talking about children and how we need to teach and help them, but ultimately they have their agency. We stayed and had some friends tell us what we had missed and it sounded like a great meeting.

This morning we got up early and had to be at the Stake Center by 9:30 a.m. because Tristyn was singing in the choir of primary children. It was really special seeing all those little children singing primary songs. They sang 5 or 6 songs before conference started and then we sang "I Believe in Christ." I was doing good until we came to the last verse when you sing,"I believe in Christ; so come what may, With him I'll stand in that great day. When on this earth he comes again, To rule among the sons of men." It was an end to the emotional journey I had been on for awhile. We need to be ready to deal with trials in our lives. "So come what may" triggered something in me and the spirit was there to teach me that we are not in control of certain things in our lives, but we need to "Believe in Christ."

TWO MORE BIRTHDAYS!

May is such a busy month it will be good to get in to June. The problem with that is June is hotter than HE#*! But, before we can move on to June we need to celebrate Tayler's birthday. This is a big one for her because she will turn 8. She is a special person. She is the oldest of the Larsen sisters and with her dark hair and freckles on her nose she is darling. I know she helps Ethan and Jenn and is smart and funny. She always comes up and gives us a hug and is so full of love. She is an absolute sweetheart.

Candi will be 30 on Monday June 1. When I was pregnant with her I think she was due on June 8th, but I was always early. We have lots of birthdays in May including Rich and mine, so I was sure she would be born in May. She had to wait until June to prove me wrong, that's the way it has been for 30 years. Candi is a wonderful person. She is a great hairdresser and a good friend to all her family and clients. She is so good about sharing her talents with her family and friends and I can't tell you how many times she has gone the extra mile to help others. She has the kindest heart and the funniest personality. She is passionate about life and intense in her feelings, (like her mother), and that sometimes gets her in to trouble. You never have to wonder what she thinks because she will tell you straight up. She is a great mother and I know she loves her boys and B.J. very much. Tayler and Candi are opposites in personality with Tayler quiet and shy, and Candi loud and crazy but we love them both and hope they each have a Happy Birthday!

Memorial Day 2009

We have had a wonderful weekend. Spencer and Annie came in and brought a friend and teammate of his from the Denver Broncos, Peyton Hillis and his fiance Hannah. It seems like all we did all weekend was eat, swim and party. They left for the airport at 3:00 so I went and took a nap. It felt good to relax and reflect on the meaning of Memorial Day. As a family we have always celebrated this day by going with extended family to the Mesa Cemetary to decorate the graves of those who have passed away. That includes my dear Grandma Fern, my aunt Tenna and uncle Elmer Heap, my great-grandparents Earnest and Centenna Turley, my cousin B.J. Abney and many others. At times we have gone, (some of us with not such a great attitude) because my mother tells us 15 times during the week when and where we need to be. Yesterday as I was getting ready to start my trek I felt that maybe I wouldn't be able to do what was being asked of me. I was in my bedroom and I started to cry and I thought, "Will I be able to handle the pain of seeing the final resting place of that sweet angel girl Kamber?" We have been there before on her birthday and the day they put her headstone on so why was this different? Anyway, when I got there and saw that Ethan and Jenn had already been there and cleaned her grave off and put some darling flowers and pinwheels on, it was more than I could bear. It is a spiritual thing when you lose a grandchild. It's something you can never prepare for and something you sure as hell hope you never have to go through. But, as I was walking in the house just now, a thought came to me that all of us have been born and we are all going to someday end up in the cemetary. It's just a matter of time for all of us. I feel at peace. I know Kamber loves her family, her parents and sisters. I hope she loves her grandparents and all her cousins and aunts and uncles that think about her everyday. It won't be long until we will be able to see her again. That I know for sure.

Thank You Everyone

This week has been so crazy, what week isn't? We had Rich's birthday on Tues. and then mine was yesterday. I usually get really sad on my birthday, I think it is childhood trauma. My parents were both school teachers and so the last part of May was always hard for them. They were finishing up the year and getting report cards done and all the work that teachers have. As I'm getting older it's time to stop worrying about myself and start thinking of others. I try to make everyone elses birthdays nice, but it's hard to enjoy my own. I do want to thank all who thought of me yesterday. My kids were all so thoughtful and my visiting teachers and friends in my ward dropped off small gifts and I had some very nice phone calls from family and friends. Rich has even offered to fix a few things around the house for me, that always means a lot. My parents came over and we had Sandy's Burros from Mattas, Spencer and Annie are here from Colorado and they brought some friends with them. We had a lot of fun eating and laughing. Thanks again to everyone for thinking of me on my birthday it meant a ton to me. I love you all!

Dewey's 55

Kylie took this picture at Brookie's birthday party. She is a little camera happy!

Today is my darling husband Rich's birthday. As he left to go off to work I told him to "have a good day and do exactly what you want to on your birthday." He said "You mean like I do every day." Yeah! All who know him can agree to the fact that he works more than anyone they know. He started his own business about 25 years ago. He promised me "I will be home more, and we will have more money." Wow was he wrong on that one. Rich can pretty much build, fix or solve any problem related to building. When we got married he was a parts man at Berge Ford. He would memorize every number in the parts so I knew he was really smart. I just didn't know he would want to do construction. He is strong and tough and expects everyone else to be the same. I remember one day he came home and had blood all over his clothes and tiny holes on his skin around his waist area. I said, "What in the world happened to you?" He said, "Oh I just fell off the roof on the job and landed on my tool belt that I just filled with nails." I think the first day on the job for Bob Jones Construction he nailed his thumb with a nail gun while framing. We were talking to my 80 year old parents on Sunday and he finally admitted that he can't do what he used to a few years ago. He loves what he does and says he will never retire, so Happy Birthday to Rich, keep on working. "If You REST You Will RUST."

I Love Being a Farmer

Tristyn holding my bunny "Carrot Top."

I just love living on two acres of land. We have been here for 13 years now and it has been a work in progress. It has taken most of our time and money for those years to get us where we are today. This morning we got irrigation or as Rich calls it (irritation). Last time we were up late and had no water so after a butt chewing by my darling husband, BOY did we get some water today. After about one and a half hours of our three we were flooded. After the flood subsided Mindi went out to feed our menagerie. I was holding my new baby rabbit. She is a Flemish Giant breed. I have always wanted one, so when I saw an add in the paper I called and went to Glendale to buy her. She will grow up to be almost 20 pounds and live over five years. As I was talking with Candi about my rabbit, Mindi came running in and said, "I need the camera, "Big Boy" is coming across the irrigation. So I went out and took some pictures of my animals. I don't know why I have an obsession with animals. I guess it started as a child when we had a toad that lived outside on our back porch. One day my Dad was digging in the planter and accidentally killed it. I remember him saying, "Teri why did you kill that toad." I know he was just kidding, but as a child I was really traumatized. I feel it is important to teach children to be kind to animals and never hurt them. I have been called a "bunny hugger" because I detest hunting and killing any animal. But I know that we need them for food but it can't be a personal animal for me to eat it. When I was young we would go to Eager and my Grandma Slade would kill a couple of rabbits and chickens for our dinner. I sometimes wonder how in the world I ate up there. Anyway, I know I'm sick, maybe I need a shrink.

Big Boy made the trek through the irrigation.