Starting the Firsts

I can't remember when I've ever been as sad as I have been these last few weeks. It isn't just one thing but a lot of little, or some big things that are bothering me. Losing a parent is hard, but losing a grand child is even harder.  A lot of the same feelings I had after Kamber's death have surfaced with Dad getting really sick and opting out of this mortal life. As I was talking to my Mom this morning, I just became so sad. She misses him terribly. She has been his caretaker for sixty-four years. I have seen her serve him by showering, dressing, and feeding him, plus getting his socks on. Then the last two weeks of his life cleaning up after him and being by his side as he took his last breath. She is also very grateful that his suffering is over and has faith that he is in a good place with his family and friends who have gone before him. I remember after Kamber passed away there was the first of everything, and now we start the firsts without Dad. The first Super Bowl, the first baptism of a great-grandchild, and tomorrow is the first Valentine's Day. I don't know how he and Mom celebrated but I'm sure there was a love note written, a simple meal and then watching something together on t.v.. Valentine's Day to me is right up there with Mother's Day and I'm happy when it's over. I have enough flowers around my house and I eat enough chocolate daily, that I don't need a special occasion to indulge in things that aren't in my best interest. I do love all my little heart decorations I put all over my house but those will be put away before the day is over. I wish I had the faith and hope of my parents. Dad was such a good example of doing hard things. With the injuries he suffered as a child and being brought up in an alcoholic home couldn't have been easy. He rose above it all and became a great man. He wasn't perfect and he struggled at times but when he left he took a part of me with him.