Emotional Whirlwind

These last few weeks have just been a whirlwind of emotions. I know the stages of grief because of my past experiences but feel more prepared now to deal with them. At times I feel so sad and then others so extremely grateful for all the tender mercies I've received. The older I get the more I realize that we are asked to do really hard things while in this mortal state. At times I even wonder if I'm going to be able to take the pain and heartache of it all, and then I surprise myself that I did make it. I'm trying to get back to normal by making tamales and working on a quilt, keeping busy helps me keep my mind on the task at hand and not the sadness that likes to creep in. I worry about Mom and her ability to take care of herself. I know she is lonely but it has to be her decision to leave and come stay with us kids when the time is right. When my Grandma Fern passed away, they weren't even able to go into her house for a year, they were so devastated by her death.  I have been looking back on the week before Dad passed away. He talked to each one of us individually and told us his wishes were to be out of pain and stop all the medical heroics. We got the talk on Tuesday the 20th. On Wednesday none of us girls could go because of other responsibilities but Mom, my brothers and Ethan went to see him. If I would have known that was his last day alive, I would have stayed with him all day keeping him company. The last picture I took of him was the first day he was in the hospital so I could send it to the grandkids, most of them had planned on going to see him the day he passed away. Life is short and we never know when we will be thrown a curveball, but I do feel that most of us do the very best we know how, hopefully having no regrets.