Same Old Thing

It's the start of a new year and I always have good intentions of making some changes in my life. But last night as I went to bed the old Teri came back and I realized that making that "mighty change" it talks about in the scriptures is harder than ever. I think the older we get the more set in our ways we become, and having a true change of heart is really hard. During the Holidays it was easy to ignore the fact that something really tragic happened in our family last July, but as I have struggled to get the last bit of Christmas put away the depression and sadness started creeping back into my mind like an old friend. I guess being distracted for a while was good, but now it's back to the old trying to make sense of the loss of Kamber. As I sat in Primary yesterday and listened to Rich talk about our theme this year which is "we are spirit children of our Heavenly Father," I realized that Kamber is with our Heavenly Father, but that didn't make it any easier, my heart is broken and I have to live with this the rest of my life. I started feeling sorry for myself and wondered if I will ever be "okay" with it. I long for the days that my New Years Resolutions were losing weight and eating healthier. The challenges we face this year will be more about how we move to a more spiritual level so we can see Kamber again some day.