Puppies and Cleaning

I'm happy to have lived through another busy week. After being super sick on Sunday and hearing about others who felt worse than me for way longer, I feel blessed. This week has been busy with getting our fourteen puppies ready to go to good homes. Mindi and I have wondered many times if it is worth it. We love golden retrievers and know there are others who share our love of this breed, so hopefully we can find nice people who will love them. We spent all day yesterday decorating and running errands for the blue and gold banquet last night at the church. Mindi works with the little cub scouts so she offered to do the decorations. This morning she and Tristyn got on a plane and flew to Colorado for a volleyball tournament all weekend. So I'm here in the trenches, cracking the whip with the kids, mopping her floors and doing a little laundry. After today Dave will be in charge of taking care of them and helping with the animals. I hope Mindi will be able to rest and enjoy her time with Tristyn because next year she will be going to college and playing volleyball there. Sometimes it's hard to believe I have a 39 year-old daughter and an almost 18 year-old granddaughter. It's been a lot of fun watching them play and now it's on to bigger and better opportunities for them both.

My Brain Hurts

Last week Trulie was sick most of the time. She was running a high fever and said her brain hurt. So on Sunday morning when I woke up at 2:30 a.m. chilling, shivering and my brain hurt, I realized I was sick. I could barely walk to the bathroom and after grabbing a quilt and trying to get warm and stop the shakes, I realized I had a Tylenol in my purse sitting by my bed. I was scared to venture in the kitchen to find some pain relief in fear I would pass out and die. That's just how sick I felt. My head was pounding and everything in my body ached. After staying in bed all day, keeping my fever down and resting, I'm much better today. I sure hope I never get sick where I am in bed all the time because that would really be terrible. So now I'm doing everything I didn't get done yesterday. Making Sunday dinner and hopefully getting to the grocery store for the basics. I take for granted the days I feel good enough to do laundry, dishes and housecleaning, I'm thankful that whatever I had only lasted a day because having your brain hurt is really hard.

Mindi Turns 39

Today is my firstborn daughter Mindi's 39th birthday. How is it possible that I have a child that old? She is a wonderful person who puts the needs of everyone before herself. Being the oldest she worked really hard to keep the other kids out of trouble and now she's doing the same thing for her own children. When I got sick and couldn't cope with life, it put lots of responsibility on her and I don't know many daughters that would do what she has done for me. I will forever be grateful for her and know she will be blessed for her efforts. Last week someone close to me said, "No one is going to come rescue you." That has played over and over in my mind as I have tried to figure out what exactly was meant by that. I have to agree that as a young girl I had visions of someone on a white horse coming to save me, but I gave up on that idea a long time ago. Life is hard and as I get older and the body starts breaking down a little bit everyday, I realize that the only thing I really have is my testimony of the Savior and my belief that when I die it's not the end. After talking to a friend about some of my concerns he asked if I believed in Agency. Of course I believe, we fought the war in heaven for the right to choose between good and evil. What about the Atonement, do you believe in that? I wish when I was young and when I raised my kids that I really understood what that means. I guess it's time to let a lot of those old demons go, and I realize that everyone has their agency to do what they want and hopefully rely on the Savior to take care of the things we do wrong. Hopefully this doesn't sound to preachy, it's just been on my mind all week so I thought I would write it down.

Murphy"s Law

Last week was one of those Murphy's Law kind of weeks. If it could go wrong it did. It started off with two dogs who decided that they would fight. The older one ended up on the losing end and I had to take him to the vet. His ear was injured, so we spent the next few days keeping them apart and finding a new home for the younger, dominate male. Spencer was in town for a few days and invited me to run some errands with him and Annie. After we got home and I rested for a few minutes, I realized that I was missing one of my 1/2 carat diamond earrings Rich had given me. I have spent lots of time looking, cleaning and praying to find it but haven't yet. I did find my lost Fitbit while searching for my earring. Saturday I spent the day in Phoenix watching Mindi's volleyball team play in a tournament. Tristyn was in Las Vegas playing there, so Dave stayed home and took care of all the pets so I could go watch Tayler and Tenna play. My cousins Barb Abney and Miriam and Norm King were there too, so we had lots of time visiting and laughing. Today I have so much to get done because I was gone all day Saturday, but there will always be work for me to do. It seemed like the theme of church yesterday was adversity and how to deal with it. That's something that we don't have a shortage of over here, but we still have a pretty good life. It's sure hard to keep my eye on the eternal perspective when these challenges come my way. I sometimes wish I had been given a more kinder, gentler, non contentious personality because my life would be a lot more peaceful, but I am who I am and hopefully as I get older I won't let things get to me as much as I do now.

The Untethered Soul

A few months ago a friend recommended a book for me to read. I was busy with the holidays and didn't feel like reading. These last three weeks have been really hard and I've found myself in a deep dark hole. This morning in my reading, I decided to open up this book, "The Untethered Soul," by Michael A. Singer.  It says, "Every day we bear a burden that we should not be bearing. We fear that we are not good enough or that we will fail. We experience insecurity, anxiety, and self-consciousness. We fear that people will turn on us, take advantage of us. or stop loving us. All of these things burden us tremendously. As we try to have open and loving relationships, and we try to succeed and express ourselves, there is an inner weight that we carry. This weight is the fear of experiencing pain, anguish, or sorrow. Every day we are either feeling it, or we are protecting ourselves from feeling it. It is such a core influence that we don't even realize how prevalent it is." The chapter then goes on to explain how we can try and untether our soul away from all the negative and damaging feelings and thoughts that we have daily. Basically having to let go of it, all which is so hard to do. I can read the scriptures, go to church and serve, but it's still really hard to forgive and get past all the crap that floats around in my mind. Yesterday we went and picked up Mom to come over for dinner and to watch the Super Bowl. I figured she needed to not be alone and I think she had fun. When we took her home I could tell she didn't want us to leave. It was late and we needed to get home. I know someday she will get tired and want to leave, but now she is holding on to her memories and doing the best she can.