Hand Shocking and Puppies

I've been busy working on quilts and staying busy with chores around the house.  There is never a want for things to do with the house, yard and animals. We have had two litters of puppies born in the last month, they take a lot of work keeping them alive and healthy.  Mindi does most of the puppy care, while I feed and take care of the big dogs. Yesterday I had the test on my poor right hand. When I went to the doctor he thought it was carpel tunnel and after the torture test yesterday it was confirmed.  Because I struggle with anxiety, I was worried about the pain involved in the shocking of my nerves in my hand.  I had heard from a friend that it "hurts like hell," but a couple of family members said it was "no big deal." I think it was somewhere in between, there were times I thought I might shout out some cuss words and then after it was over I could say it wasn't that bad.  The Neurologist confirmed that I do have "significant damage to my nerves and muscles in my hand and that my doctor will probably offer surgery." So on and on we go, trying to make sense of this sixty plus year-old body that seems to be falling apart right now. This morning as I was talking to my Mom, we went down memory lane about her life. They have released her from working in the Temple, which Dad had wanted before he passed away. We don't think it's safe for an almost 86 year-old to be driving home late at night across town. Mom has lost a lot of her courage since Dad left us and I'm just waiting for the day when she's had enough of living alone. I do think it's good for her to stay in her routine and she loves working in her yard and that keeps her mind busy and gives her something to do. She talked about losing her Dad when she was sixteen years old. I guess it doesn't matter what age you are when you lose your Dad, it is still hard. Some day we will all be called home and someday we will have more family on the other side than here, I know it will be a sweet reunion when that time comes.

Carnival, Baptism and Temple Sealing

This weekend was a busy one for me. It started Friday night when I took my Mom over to the school for the annual carnival. Mindi had volunteered to head up the committee because there wasn't any other suckers. She worked for months making games and collecting all the prizes to give away. I think having five kids going through the school made her feel like she needed to do it. She is such a hard worker and had some others who stepped in to help her which I know she appreciated. Now that the carnival is over she can get her house back to normal.  On Saturday morning we went to Spencer's oldest son Tyton's baptism. It's always fun to see these little eight year-olds take that major step in their lives. They had a great family turnout and it is always nice watching them support each other.  They had a luncheon afterwards but I left to take a road trip with a friend. My dear friend Paula was getting sealed in the Gila Valley Temple at 2:15 p.m. in the afternoon, so LeAnn and I left the church and headed to the Temple three hours away. I had never been to that part of the state and I'm so glad I went. The Temple is small but beautiful. We had a nice drive and made it in time to visit with her family and be there to support her. There was a nice little luncheon at the church next to the Temple and we finally got some lunch before heading back to Gilbert. Paula is a dear friend that I've known for over thirty years. She lived in our neighborhood in Lehi before we moved to Gilbert. After her divorce, she married a guy in my ward which made it extra special. Her Dad passed away last year after he fell and broke his hip and her Mother is in bad health. She fell and broke her hip and so Paula and her sister and sister-in-laws have been taking care of her. It has been touch and go as far as having her there with Paula and Rick in the Temple. It was a special day for them. This is going to be another busy week with a baby shower and volleyball tournament. When you have this many kids and grand kids it seems like there is never a dull moment. I'm working on four quilts right now and hopefully I can get them finished before the weather heats up. I lose my desire to make quilts when the temps get in the hundreds which is coming this weekend. Grrrrrrr!

Lots of Sickness

I have to admit that the last few months I've been in the toilet, the dark abyss, lower than a snakes belly and just plain old sad. Besides grieving the death of my Dad, I've had other challenges with close relationships and physical and emotional pain . I picked up a bug last week and spent five days with cold symptoms that made me miserable in the night and lazy during the day. I spent almost all weekend at home trying to fight off my bug. Last week at church I sat in front of someone who snorted the whole meeting, so I decided to stay home and keep my snorting to myself. While everyone else was at church I had some quiet time to just think about my life. I found myself talking to my Dad a lot and asking him for help. I wonder if now that he's on the other side he can watch me and see what my struggles are. I was also asking for advice, hoping that somehow I could hear his answer. Sometimes I find myself wondering how a girl like me has gotten myself in such a mess. I never dreamed that my life would be like this when I got in my sixties. I just have that many more people to worry about and I'm tired. Spencer took one of his kids to emergency with a high fever and Candi took one of her sons to urgent care running a 104 degree fever too. This morning I got a call that Jenn has been up throwing up all night and now most of their kids have the stomach flu too. What the heck is going on around here with all the sickness? This week is going to be crazy. Mindi volunteered to be in charge of the school carnival, so she's having a breakdown trying to get all the games finished. I have a doctors appointment and a test on my hand to see if I need surgery in the future. And they are having Tyton's baptism on Saturday before they move to Montana, which is another part of my sadness. Letting my kids go is very hard for me. Spencer was my last baby so I've always felt like we were really close and he would be the one to stay close and help me in my old age. They don't want to live by family and have their heart set on Montana, so they will be leaving in a few weeks. I should know better, but I guess I just don't get it. So hopefully this week will get better. We can't all stay sick forever can we?

Tristyn's Prom and Twins Baby Blessing

This weekend was a busy one for our family. I felt kind of sick on Friday and Saturday but felt better yesterday. I think it was all the pain medication for my hand that upset my stomach, so I've cut it down to only a couple of pills until I have the carpal tunnel test. Tristyn had prom Saturday night so that was a busy day. Mindi had a volleyball tournament in Buckeye, so it was Dave and I trying to get her dress to fit. She had a darling red beaded dress but it needed some adjustment in the neck. I hate the itchy scratchy feeing of beads and sequins, I was worrying about the irritation it would cause, but she's young and got through it. I'm more about comfort than vanity. Then yesterday we went out to Ethan and Jenn's and had the twins blessed. They have 9:00 a.m. church and it would have been too hard to get everyone there, so they just had the Bishop come over and blessed them in the home. These babies are almost five months old and because of the complications they have had we are so lucky they are getting bigger and healthier. This week they will go in for a consultation for hernias and then in a few months they have one more surgery to correct a birth defect. Mindi and I went to Scottsdale and picked Mom up after church and she spent the night with us last night. Then this morning my sister Mell came over and took her home. Every time we have a get together we miss Dad. Mom even asked me what I thought Dad was doing in Heaven on Sunday. I would like to know what they do everyday in Heaven not just Sunday. After the blessing we had dinner with all the family and friends that came to support them. I wonder often what families do who don't have their family close to help them. I sure have been blessed in my life to have my family close and I appreciate all they have done for me especially my parents. We took some pictures of the babies and had a four generation photo with Mom, Me, Ethan and the twins. We are thankful for everyday we have with Mom. I know she misses Dad but has so much faith and love for her family she is a great example to all of our family.

Pain Relief and New Grandbaby

After suffering in pain for a few weeks, I finally went in two weeks ago to get some x-rays. When I was seeing my primary care doctor she recommended that I see an orthopedic surgeon so I made an appointment. On Monday night I woke up at 3:30 a.m. in so much pain I was contemplating self amputation of some of my fingers. They felt huge swollen and numb as can be. After taking some pain relievers and putting ice on them, I finally got back to sleep at around 5:30. I was so glad that I had made that appointment and I went in yesterday afternoon. My doctor is a friend I went to high school with and I trust him completely. He has done both surgeries on my knee and when I finally get brave enough to have a knee replacement I will make sure he can do it. After listening to my complaints he told me I had bursitis in the rotator cuff in my shoulder and carpal tunnel in my right hand. He gave me a cortisone shot in the shoulder and then told me some things I can do to settle down my hand and fingers until we decide if I need surgery. I need some sort of a nerve test before he can fix my carpal tunnel, which he says is only a ten minute surgery. After the pain I was in Monday night I just want relief. It really is true that after fifty and especially sixty you start to fall apart. Having my hand so sore has put a damper on my sewing which I enjoy doing. I have about five quilt tops that need to be finished but when I'm not sleeping and in pain I have very little motivation to do anything. On our way home from the doctor yesterday my sister and I were talking about living with pain. She was talking about the pioneers and how hard it must have been to suffer with very little medical help for their illnesses and especially anything orthopedic. I'm so happy when anyone can help me relieve my suffering whether it's physical or mental. I wouldn't have made a good pioneer. Yesterday was Tyton's eighth birthday and Spencer invited me over to his in-laws for a cook-out to celebrate. It's always fun to see the cousins get together and play. Today is Ethan's birthday and I can't believe he is thirty-four already. My kids are getting old and so are my grandkids. I'm thankful for all of them and I'm so excited that we are going to have our twentieth grandchild born in November.  Annie is expecting their fifth, hopefully another girl which will make us an even ten boys and ten girls. Hopefully my hand will get better so I can start doing some sewing, baby quilts are my favorite to make.

Easter Pageant and Sleepover

After publishing my last post I felt maybe I was a little bit too honest about my mood. Sometimes I use my blog to vent about my problems that don't need to be part of my history. On the other hand I want to keep it real and honest let's face it, sometimes life gets pretty hard. Yesterday we decided to attend the Easter Pageant down at the Mesa Temple. I had asked Mom if she wanted to go and her pat answer was, "NO."  A couple of hours later she called to say my cousin Barb was coming over to give her a B-12 shot and that maybe she could bring her to the Temple. Two of my cousins, her husband and daughter were in the Pageant, so it was even better knowing they would be performing. We loaded up the kids in the mini-van stopped to get pizza and off we went to the Temple. The traffic was horrible but because I have a handicapped parking pass, it was much easier than I thought it would be. Mom and Barb had saved some seats for us and my niece Alishia and her boys were also there. We were lucky it was a nice warm night with a cool breeze as we sat and waited for it to start. A few minutes before the performance some of the cast members walk around and take pictures with the audience. It's amazing how many people you see that you know from years ago. As I sat and listened to the words and songs I had such a deep love for the Savior and all he's done for me. I was reminded that he knows and loves me and is aware of my struggles. As I looked around the audience there were lots of people in wheelchairs and walkers and I realized that I am not the only one with struggles and that I need to be thankful for mine and be happy. After it was over we brought Mom home for a sleepover. We are slowly trying to get her away from just staying in her house alone day after day and this is the first step. We are going to try it again Easter Sunday as we celebrate with our kids and grand kids, we also have three birthdays to celebrate so it will be a combo Easter/Birthday Extravaganza. I'm also excited to listen to Conference and feel the spirit there, it should be a good weekend.

Not Myself

I have to admit that since my Dad passed away I haven't felt the same. I was warned by a good friend that even though he had a terminal illness and I knew he was on borrowed time, when he did pass away it would be hard. For the last few weeks I have felt different. I've been fighting pain in my arm and I still look like a penguin when I walk. I've also gained a few lbs. that I'm sure is because of the lack of motivation and sadness. Last night as I was eating dinner alone again, I had this thought come in to my mind, "what the heck are you doing?" I then tried to take an inventory of what I really am doing. Maybe I'm just at a crossroad in my life and I'm tired of doing all the things I've been doing for almost sixty-two years. I look at my husband who is working longer and harder now than he did when we were first married and that makes me feel guilty. I'm tired of "groundhog day." As I was talking to my Mom this morning about my feelings, she came back with her usual answer, "just look at all your blessings and try and cheer up." My parents have always been a strong influence on me and I have felt their love and concern for me most of my life, except when I was a teenager. I now worry about Mom living alone and wonder what I should be doing to help her. For some strange reason I don't feel like I'm where I'm suppose to be, or doing what I'm suppose to be doing. I feel like I always fall short of where I should be and what I should be accomplishing. I see Jenn over at her house taking care of two babies and getting zero sleep and I wonder what I should be doing to help her. I guess my problem is I'm on a big giant guilt trip that I'm putting on myself. I'm looking forward to Conference this weekend. I'm going to make a list of some answers I hope to get while listening to the talks and music. Hopefully by the end of the weekend I will feel better about what I'm doing and find out where I'm supposed to be. The answers have to be out there somewhere for me to get.