The New Year!

Well, the Broncos season is offically over. That painful game last night was the end of a promising football season in Denver. We talked to Spencer last night and he is understandably dissappointed, but thankful to have gotten the opportunity to play and leave without a major injury. I know that our family has been praying for him every day since he left for Colorado that he would be safe when he played and be able to help his team. We are looking forward to them coming home and spending a few months in Arizona. We haven't seen them since Oct. so we are excited to see them again. We are looking forward to 2009. We need to set some goals and work toward some changes in our lives this year. We change church times, 12:30o maybe we can make it on time a few more times than last year. Mindi and I are still teaching Primary and this year we have the 10-11 year-old girls which includes Tristyn. That should be fun! We wish you all a Happy New Year!

Wonderful Christmas!

I have to tell you I was really dreading this Christmas. I didn't know how we would be able to celebrate after the tragic loss we suffered on July 25, but you know we did. I was so impressed with my family, especially my children. As mothers we try to teach our children to be good people. We try to help them gain testimonies of the Savior to help them throughout their lives. At times I was not a good example of either of these goals, but some how through all the disfuction I think they got it. I am so impressed with Mindi and Candi in their hours of service and kindness to others. Ethan and Spencer are such hard workers and try to provide a nice home for their families. I love Dave, B.J., Jenn, and Annie as if they were my own children; and the twelve grandchildren are just frosting on this huge cake we have. Rich and I are so blessed to have the children we have. I know all parents think they have the best kids, but I wouldn't trade any of our kids, spouses or grandkids for anything in this world. We had a memorable Christmas; gifts were given that meant so much to us that received them. There was a special spirit with us this Christmas that can only come by going through a terrible adversity. Most of us went to the cemetary to spend some time remembering sweet Kamber. I have never been to a cemetary on Christmas Day before. It was a spiritual experience and I couldn't believe the people that were there and the darling decorations that were put on the graves of loved ones who have passed on. It was a great ending to a wonderful Christmas!

Christmas Craziness

Is anyone else out there feeling the craziness of this holiday season? I must feel like this every year but something is different this year. Is it that I'm getting old, getting senile or just plain losing my mind? These last few months have been a definite whirlwind of emotion. I go between sad and sadder at a minutes notice. I have tried to make sense out of the devastating loss of Kamber, but it still doesn't make sense to me. I usually wake up every morning thinking about how sad it is that she is gone; but last week I actually woke up one morning with the most unbelievable feeling of joy. I was so happy for her. I felt her spirit and she was so happy. It made me so envious of her. Her journey was over on this earth and I could feel the joy. I know others in our family have had special dreams where they have seen her and she has talked with them, but I haven't been lucky enough to have experienced that yet, I'm still hoping for a visit.
I read an article in a health magazine this week that I think was written just for me. It was on the" Healing and Liberating Power of Acceptance." The author talks about how we all will have events in our life that will challenge our emotional health. We need to recognize that there are peole, problems and things that are uncontrollable and out of our power to change. This is where acceptance comes in. She says that accepting what "IS" and deciding to change your feelings about it creates an atmosphere to help heal your pain. I hope at some point in my life to be able to accapt what has happened, but I'm not even close yet. "Accepting does not necessarily mean "liking," "enjoying," or "condoning.' I can accept what is- and be determined to evolve from there. It is not acceptance but denial that leaves me stuck. " -Nathanieal Branden

A Child's Prayer

Almost every morning I wake up with a heavy heart and tears in my eyes. I usually try to get up and make my bed and start working around the house to distract my sadness. This morning I woke up to the words to the Primary song running through my mind. The words, "Heavenly Father, are you really there? And do you hear and answer every child's prayer? Some say that heaven is far away, But I feel it close around me as I pray." Mindi and I teach the 10-11 year old girls in Primary. Can I just tell you it is the best job. These girls are special. They are smarter than Mindi and I put together and their knowledge of the gospel is unbelievable. Just being around them makes us better. I have always loved hearing children sing the songs but since Kambers' passing I have even felt stonger about the testimony borne by singing these songs. At 55 years old I am still wondering, Heavenly Father, are you really there? At times I am sure he is aware of the suffering of people in my family and those others around me, but there are those times that I wonder if all of this is really true. Are we really going to be together on the other side? Will we see Kamber again? What about Tenna and Grandma Fern? I know this is all part of the grieving process, but it really sucks! You never really know about your testimony until you go through the depths of hell.

Bear Down Arizona!

Can I just tell you how excited we are that U of A beat the Scum Devils. We have waited four years for this to happen but it was worth the wait. Spencer never got a win against them or went to a bowl game, but I'm sure he is ecstatic. Even though I am an ASU alumni, both parents, all my siblings, and most of our nieces and nephews have graduated from the maroon and gold, the Larsens are Wildcats fans forever. ASU passed up a chance to give Spencer a scholarship, but the U of A took a chance on the Gilbert boy and we are so thankful they did. He left there with a college degree and a chance to play pro football in Denver. We are so blessed that he had good coaches and staff who saw the potential in him. I wish you could hear us sing the fight song.

Bear Down Arizona
Bear Down Red and Blue
Bear Down Arizona
Hit 'em hard.
Let 'em know who's who
Bear Down Arizona
Bear Down Red and Blue
Go! Go! Wildcats go!
Arizona Bear Down

Congratulations to Coach Stoops and Good Luck against the Cougars of BYU.

Naughty or Nice?

Last Sunday in Primary the President stood and told the children that Santa is watching them all the time and he knows if they are "naughty or nice." It kind of struck a cord with me because recently I was told that I'm not a nice person. I know I'm not the eternal optimist who always sees the good in every situation; or am so sweet that honey drips from my mouth when I talk, but all in all I try to be a nice person. This really hurt my feelings and for a few days I felt really angry by this comment. I have looked back on my life and tried to think of things that would have made this person think I have "a mean side to me." Anyway, after lots of soul searching, I realize that there are times that I hold a grudge, withhold forgiveness, and use the "silent treatment" to punish those around me. I also have noticed that all these character flaws have gotten worse since Kamber's passing. I also like to blame it on having the "second child syndrome," which is a problem when you are born to parents with a perfect oldest child and the "golden child" after you. Anyways, I'm all about blaming my parents and my childhood, but I guess at 55 I need to start taking responsibility for my behavior. I'm still plugging through the Conference Talks and this morning as I read Elder Corbridge, he says "Life is hard, but life is simple. Get on the path and never, ever give up. You never give up. You just keep on going. You don't quit, and you will make it." At times I do want to give up, dig a hole and crawl in it, but I guess I need to just keep on trying to work on being a nicer person.