Where Has Forty Years Gone?

Saturday Rich and I celebrated forty years of marriage. I have to admit that being married to a guy and trying to get along, is the hardest challenge of my life. We come from different backgrounds and families. He isn't afraid of anything and I'm afraid of everything, hence the struggle to see eye to eye on many things. Rich wanted to go see the movie "Singing with Angels," which is about the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. It was an okay movie, the acting wasn't great but listening to the choir was soothing. After the movie we went to wash the truck, because that's a ritual to have a clean truck for church. Then off to eat dinner at Texas Roadhouse. It was an hour wait, so we just sat and relaxed before we got seated for dinner. We ordered too much food and left full, but Rich needed a custard for desert, so our blood sugars were soaring by the time we got home. All day Saturday I thought how fun it would be to take off and go to some remote island and swim with the sharks and sip on non-alcoholic drinks. Wouldn't that be so romantic? Unfortunately time and money restraints make it impossible for us to even leave our neighborhood, let alone a destination anniversary. Rich is already looking to our fiftieth, which I wonder if we will still both be alive. We will be in our 70's by then. I told Mindi that she and her siblings need to start saving their money because hopefully they can pay for our party in ten years. That's if we are still married and alive.

The End Of Blogging?

For the last couple of months I've thought maybe my blogging days are over. I started writing when we lost Kamber and I wanted to write my feelings down so I would never forget the pain that her drowning caused me. It  has been almost eight years of putting my thoughts and struggles down for everyone who wanted to, could read them. These last two years have been extremely hard as I've watched my Dad suffer with cancer and pass away. It has also been a struggle as my husband continues to work twelve to fourteen hours a day trying to provide for our family. It doesn't help when there are dishonest people who take advantage of his kindness and don't pay him for his work. In the twenty plus years he has owned his company, we have only had one person not pay us. Luckily we were able to take him to court and get a judgment. This last year there have been four people who have decided to not pay him for the work he has done. This adds up to thousands of dollars in lost revenue that he needs to keep his business going. Yesterday as he came home I saw a look on his face I hadn't seen in a while. He said it was one of the worst days he has had and that everything went wrong. I never expected after forty years of marriage and being in our sixties that our lives would still be like this. Three weeks ago I had some blood work done and today found out I am diabetic. Wow! That is a hard thing to accept. I guess the "Trick or Treating with Mickey", and all the other holidays celebrating sugar, have finally caught up to this old granny. I've asked Rich several times, "at what point do you give up? I what point to do you quit?" Of course he always answers, "you never give up, you never quit." I don't want to look back at my writings and feel like I'm Debbie Downer who always has a dark cloud hanging over her. I have so many blessings I feel embarrassed to even feel sad. I do know that things will get better, they always do, and besides that my Mom thinks I'm darling, and I know she cares about me alot.

Heaven Is Cheering Us On

I spent eight hours this weekend watching General Conference. I have to admit that in the past there have been times that I go into a post-Conference depression. Where could I even start to do all those things talked about in those hours? Yesterday was different for me as I listened to Elder Holland. There must be lots of Mormons going through the same emotions I am. It's easy to look at all the things I do and don't do. Things I wish I could change about myself and family members, and even things I hoped would be different as I wade through this mortal life.  As I heard him say, "we can improve, the great thing about the gospel is that we get credit for trying, even if we don't always succeed." Yesterday was sweet Brookie's eighth birthday. Ethan and Jenn invited us out to celebrate. We had Mom with us so she wouldn't be alone on Sunday and she seemed to enjoy being with family. Brookie was three months old when Kamber passed away and sometimes I think she was what saved us from the depths of hell as we went through the grieving process. It's hard to believe that almost eight years have passed and she is so excited to get baptized. It's so fun to see the grandchildren grow up and want to do what is right, it makes our hearts happy. At the end of Elder Holland's talk he said, "Keep loving, keep trying, keep trusting, keep believing, keep going. Heaven is cheering you on today, tomorrow and forever." I could just see Dad, Kamber, Tenna and Grandma Fern in heaven cheering us on. The gospel is true!