I Saw My Future at Therapy

Yesterday as I left church my Home Teacher, who is also a physical therapist was not impressed with my gait. He wanted to see me in his office today to see if he could help me. It seems like recovering from this surgery has been harder than when I was thirty, imagine that. They did a few treatments and then he had me walk. I felt so stupid in the gym with all these elderly people watching me walk. I have to admit that after I watched him and was instructed I had a few good passes. I felt different and good, way better than the stiff legged pirate walk I've been doing. He helped me when I had my hip replacement three years ago and he's helping me now. As I looked around I was a spring chicken compared to most of the old timers. I told my friend, "I'm looking at my future and it doesn't look very bright." As we walked out there was a little old couple, husband and wife. He was holding her hand being careful that she didn't fall. You could tell how much he cared for her the way he treated her, my friend commented on how sweet it was. When I got home and walked in my house I realized that now I have two air conditioners not working. My kitchen area was 83 and my family room and bedroom was 86 degrees. This always happens to me when the weather is going to be the hottest, that's when everything breaks. Oh well, life is not fair, I've known that for a very long time. Link Rich told me yesterday, "go outside and work in the 110 degree weather and 86 will feel cool." I guess I will just move back into the spare bedroom with all the extra junk we've been accumulating, at least it's cool down there.

Keeping Watch on the Grandkids

Another week is in the books and sometimes I wonder why I'm not as productive as I want to be. I have spent some time everyday in the pool trying to get my stiff knee stronger and less swollen. I have to admit it feels better. I'm not using crutches, just a cane when I'm going long distances. I have even been walking on my own around my house a little bit, so hopefully every week I will get a little stronger. This morning Jenn brought her kids over to stay while she took Max and Brookie over for swim lessons. When they got back we all went out to practice what they had learned. Last week Brookie was so afraid of the Creepy Crawler she could hardly keep her eye off of it. Max would go out into the water but hold on for dear life. I couldn't believe after just one lesson they were doing so well. As I looked around the pool today with all these grand kids I felt really blessed. Unless you have been through the drowning death of a grandchild you really don't know how it feels. I watch Jenn with her eagle eye counting heads and panicking if she can't see one of her little ones. When I was in California sitting on the beach watching the kids ride the waves in I felt to helpless. The current would carry them farther and farther away from where we had set up our stuff. I remember telling Candi that I was nervous they were getting to far down and if something happened there wouldn't be anything we could do to help them. I remember Bert saying, "you may not be able to help them but you can be another set of eyes watching them." Every time I hear on the news about the drowning death of a child my heart hurts. I've been down that road to Hell and it's not fun, but I have a testimony that Kamber lives. I have felt the spirit stronger than I ever had, I also felt the comforter and the many prayers that were said in our behalf. Life has a way of teaching us things we couldn't learn without going through them. It really sucks at times but then we have learned some very important things and hopefully our testimonies have been strengthened. Next week I swear I'm going to get to make a quilt, or finish one that is in my "to be finished" pile.

Three Hours of Sewing Hair Accessories

Yesterday morning when my friend came over to exercise in the pool we had a nice visit. As she left she reminded me that she would be picking me up at 5:30 to go to the church for our Humanitarian Enrichment Activity. I told her I didn't think I was going because it didn't sound fun to me, I haven't really been in the mood to do anything lately. She then said, "Are you kidding me? You are on the committee and we haven't done anything to help with this activity. I'll be by and we'll go to the church and help them." So last night I took my sewing machine and off we went to the church to make headbands to donate to the children's hospital for kids to wear while going through treatment for cancer. I parked my body in a chair and sewed for three hours. As I looked around and saw all those women donating their time and talents, I was glad I went. We have a little girl in our ward who is battling leukemia so these headbands, turbans and flowers are being donated to the hospital in her name. She was there last night making sure we had something to drink as we worked and talked. There is something about being around the "noble and great ones" that make you a better person. When I finally got home and in bed I was so tired and had a headache but was happy I had gone and hopefully made a difference. When my Mom called to get my well check report, I told her about my experience sewing for three hours. She said, "You are a darling, (her favorite name for me) and remember when you do service for the Lord the Savior looks down and is so happy." It's hard sometimes for me to make the right choices and do what will make the Savior happy, but last night I did and hopefully those kids fighting cancer will know how much we care about them and enjoy the hair accessories.

82 Degree and a Flat Tire

Last night when I went to bed I was in a bad mood. I had spent three hours fixing dinner thinking I was having guests but they never showed up. There is something wrong with a couple of our air conditioners, so as I was cooking dinner the temperature was 82 degrees in my kitchen. I got no sympathy from Rich because he swears there are people who keep their thermostats at 82. Well if there is, heaven help them. This morning Mindi and I needed to go to the grocery store for a few things. As she pulled in to pick me up I noticed her tire was flat. After trying to put some air in it, we decided to take a chance and go to the tire store where she bought the tires a year ago. When they took the tire off they could tell there was a puncture in the side and the tread was worn pretty bad. So after sitting there for an hour and a half, and spending $135, we were on to the grocery store. Sometimes in life it just seems like I can't catch a break. I decided that I wasn't going to use crutches anymore so now I'm using a cane to get around. Either way it's hard to walk normally. My good friend came over early this morning to swim in the pool. She had the same surgery I had last year and is still in a lot of pain too. She told me today that she isn't going to let her knee injury keep her from doing things that she wants to do. I admire that about her, but I'm not willing to put myself out there like that. Although hobbling around Huntington Beach for a week was pretty much out of my comfort zone. Now for the rest of the summer I'm stuck here in the desert hating everyday it gets above 100 degrees, which is everyday until October or November. I guess I will just have to live on my memories of the 70 degrees, sitting on the beach enjoying the waves crash in because that's all I have right now.

Father's Day Fun

We had a nice Father's Day with the extended family. Len and Julie were back in New York with Robbie celebrating his graduation from medical school and blessing of their new addition. So we just had Mom and Dad over for dinner. Then my sister Mell and her kids, my brother Ben his wife Allison and a couple of his kids, plus all the grand kids and nieces and nephews came over for dessert. What a great group of people we have. I know they have "joy in their posterity."  When everyone finally left I was so tired. Sometimes I get tired of being the family party planner but am thankful to have a family that feels welcome and likes to come to our house. I also feel so blessed to still have my parents to celebrate with. Lately I have had two friends who have lost a parent and I know they are grieving, which makes me sad for them. I thought when I got older my life would get easier and less hectic, boy was I wrong. Now there are so many more people to worry about and there is always something to do. Yesterday I felt like I just needed to get out of my house. Rich took my Dad up to the cabin to irrigate the garden, so I knew I would be alone all night. Mindi was kind enough to take me to Hobby Lobby. We only had one hour to be gone, so we just walked, or hobbled in my case, up the aisles. I couldn't believe it when I saw all the pumpkins and fall décore. Then as we rounded around the side the Christmas decorations were out. After having surgery and then going to the beach, I have felt a little bit out of touch with reality. I'm hosting Bunco here at my house next month so I'm stressing about getting everything done for that. Now if I can just get Rich to fix our air conditioner and do a few other things I will be happy. Well kind of happy.

Glass Half Full?

Last year when I got home from the beach I was looking forward to going back this year. After spending a week on vacation and then coming home, it's been a different feel. I don't know if it's because of the added stress of  knee surgery, or if I'm just not the traveling type. It's taken me all week to try and get back to a state of normal. I didn't realize how much I do around here until I got home and started digging in to the mounds of laundry, animals and cleaning house. I'm also so tired, that it's hard to get motivated to do what needs to be done. Having surgery two weeks before leaving probably wasn't a good idea and I'm now faced with the fact that if I can't get my knee rehabbed, I may end up on crutches or in a wheelchair forever. Everything just seems harder when hobbling around on crutches. While I was gone I had two requests of Rich. One was to fix our pool and the other to fix the air conditioner in the kitchen area. From what I was told, he worked for hours trying to fix the filter in the pool. Something happened though and he accidently shot at least fifty pounds of sand into the pool. After spending two hours trying to clean it out with the water still in, he decided that maybe we should just drain it and start over. So for the last two days we have been working on cleaning it out and now it is filling back up. Sometimes I listen to the thoughts in my head and am ashamed that instead of just being thankful for a pool, I'm irritated that it isn't working properly. Can we say, lack of gratitude? I've been feeling a sense of sadness at some of the relationships I have. Most of it is because of my expectations not being fulfilled and the other just plain old disappointment. I'm trying really hard to just worry about myself and my own accountability but it is hard when we live in this mortal world to not get hurt by others. Life is hard for me and as I get older and this old body takes hit after hit, it's sometimes hard to see the glass half full, sometimes it just seems empty.

"There's No Place Like Home!"

I spent all last week at Huntington Beach in California. I had so much fun last year, I decided to do a repeat vacation. The only problem was I was only two weeks post op, so this year was hard for me. I think if I would have known how hard it was going to be I would have just stayed home and been sad, but I didn't. We left yesterday to come home and the temperature was 70 degrees. When we pulled up to my house it was 102, but I was so happy to be home. I unloaded my bags and got in the bathtub for the first time since surgery. It felt like heaven, even though it was super hard getting out of the tub with my poor stiff and swollen knee, it was worth all the pain. We went to the beach five times, I only went four because after a walk down the pier, I thought I was going to die, so I stayed home and rested, iced and took some pain relievers so I could get through the evening festivities. We went to the park and lit lanterns that went up into the sky as far as we could watch them. I got to spend some time with two of my kids and eight of my grandchildren making memories I won't ever forget. We ate lots of yummy food from Mexican to Pizza and Hamburgers, it will take me a couple of weeks to lose the four pounds I gained on this trip. I was also proud that I only had one meltdown, the combination of homesickness, lack of sleep and that little voice in my head telling me I'm not good enough. It was fun to get away because I spend most days alone here while Rich kills himself working, but when I came through the door and saw my home and husband and all my animals I felt like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, "there is really no place like home!

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