Can't Wait for Conference and Birthdays

Mindi is going crazy because she has two birthdays soon. We have been running errands all day yesterday and today trying to put the finishing touches on supplies she needs for these parties. Yesterday we went down into the middle of Phoenix so she could pick up some special Mario Brothers cake decorating molds. On the way through downtown we had been talking about some of the challenges we have in our lives. While we were stopped at a light I saw a large girl walk across the street who looked disheveled and not dressed so well. As I looked the other direction I saw a guy in a wheelchair with only one leg pulling himself along, carrying his possessions on his lap. Mindi made the comment, "see Mom things could be worse." I felt ashamed of all the complaining I had been doing on our little road trip. As we left Phoenix we headed towards my parents home in Scottsdale. We decided to go by to see my Dad who stays home alone while my Mom still works in the Temple. As we drove through Scottsdale I had so many memories flood my mind. This is where I did my student teaching. This is where I went to grade school and high school. My Dad seemed to enjoy the visit and Mindi even helped him learn how to change the t.v. to the DVD player. My parents won't get a computer because they think they are "too dumb" to learn how to run one. Anyway, Rich left this morning at 4:45 a.m. to fly to Utah to attend his missionary reunion tomorrow and spend some time with his sister and her family. Then he's coming back to the airport on Sat. and meeting up with Dave and B.J. to go to Green Bay to watch Spencer play football. That means I have the bed all to myself, don't have to cook or clean and can spend all day tomorrow shopping at the mall. Then on Sat. and Sun. I can watch conference all by myself, I love the feeling I get listening to the speakers and the music. Oh I forgot I need to make some time for the birthday party on Sat., sounds like a busy weekend! Hopefully next week I will have some time to spend finishing some of my quilts, I have too many that need my attention, and that's where I go to find some peace.

Where are the Butterflies and Rainbows?

It seems like I'm still trying to get back to normal after my trip to Denver. Sitting in a car for four days and not sleeping very well in hotels listening to heavy breathing and snoring has taken a toll on me. I was one of the snorers, so I can't complain too much. Yesterday I ran some errands with Candi and when I got home Mindi had a stack of stuff to take to Goodwill. We would take it to DI but it is way far away and we didn't have the time. This morning Candi came over and did mine and Mindi's hair, it's so nice having a hairdresser in the family. After she left I got some of my ironing done but that is about all I accomplished today. It seems like I'm not that motivated to get the things done I need to, like putting up my Halloween decorations, finishing a quilt, and shopping for all the upcoming birthdays. Oh well, tomorrow is another day. Ethan and Jenn were on Sunday evenings Fox 10 news talking about Kambers Kaskets. They did such a good job, I was so proud of them. I think it might have triggered some old feelings of grief that I've been working on for the last three years. Sometimes I think my emotions are under control and then the sadness, despair, anger, depression and hopelessness creep in. It doesn't help that the hip pain has come back, I know the cortisone is only masking the damage of major surgery a year ago. As I was feeling a little down the other day I started thinking about what it would be like on the other side. I almost got a euphoric feeling thinking about how nice it would be to be totally 'Pain Free," both physically and mentally. As I was telling Rich about my experience he said something about "opposition in all things." It seems like the older we get the more opposition there is. We knew before we came it wasn't going to be all rainbows and butterflies but at some point I wish I could just have at least one of those. Who knows maybe I will see one soon.

Made It To The Temple With Alyssa

Brookie holding "Baby Trulie"

On Wed. my niece Alyssa went through the Temple in preparation to be married two weeks from today. My Mom had told me at least twenty times that she wanted me to TRY and go be a support for her so she would have some family members there. I have had some personal issues with going to the Temple and haven't attended since right after Kamber passed away, three and a half years ago. I hate being pressured to do something that might make me have a panic attack, so I've always just stayed home and felt left out. Well, Mindi and I were out running errands and we were talking about maybe seeing if we could make it to support Allyssa and keep my Mom happy. We hurried home, got ready and made it to the Session. I was surprised that I had done something so very hard for me to do. I know someone on the other side was helping me and I continued to tell myself that "I Can Do Hard Things," whenever the feelings of anxiety would hit. Yesterday Jenn had a doctors appointment and asked if we could watch Max and Brookie. We were getting irrigation so we were home hoping to not get flooded out. Brookie and Max were playing with toys in Mindi's family room. I asked Brookie how old she was. She kept telling me that she was two, even though she turned three in April. I kept telling her, "no you are three." After about three or four times she said, "I'm two and Kamber is five." How did she know that Kamber would be five years old? Anyway, I had to catch my breath and realize that she is aware of her sister and loves her. Today Kylie is nine, my grandchildren are getting so old and mature. Pretty soon I will hopefully be going to the Temple with them in preparation to getting married or going on missions. That will be a wonderful day for me!

"My Dark Cloud Is Still Hovering"

This morning Rich and I were in the kitchen together. I had been listening to him talk to someone on the phone and could tell it was bad news. An employee of his was having some complications after surgery. After we discussed what was going on he said, "you know, some people just have a dark cloud that follows them around." After that he was getting his lunch together and I had just finished feeding my pack of dogs. I went to the sink to wash my hands when he was saying there was something sticky on the floor. After 35 years of marriage I know that one of his biggest pet peeves is to stick to the floor. I hate it too, so as I reached for a rag in the sink I felt that not so pleasant sting of a scorpion. I didn't cuss, I just let Rich know that he needed to find it and kill it while I got some ice to put in the palm of my hand. I almost started laughing as we both talked about how I'm one of those people that has the "dark cloud hovering over me." I then said, "if there is a scorpion in this house he's going to find me." Yesterday I spent a few hours working on a quilt to put on our bed. It felt good just being alone in my sewing room creating something. I look around and see how creative those around me are and I feel inadequate. I wish I would have stuck with the piano lessons, gone to cosmetology school, done something other than spend six years in school before realizing I didn't want to be a teacher. I guess I need to be grateful that my parents wanted me to have an education and helped me get one. Life is short, I want to have peace in knowing that my Heavenly Father is aware of me and knows what is best for me. Now if I can just solve my scorpion problem I will be happy.

"God Watches Over Us"

Tristyn and Miranda Best Cousins

Linda and Her Girls

The Candy Bar

The Food Table

I woke up at 6:00 a.m. this morning with a bad pain in my hip and in other parts of my body. I guess my cortisone shot is starting to wear off which makes me sad. Sitting in a car for over thirty hours last week probably didn't do it any good, I'm too old for that trip. I was going to start getting my Fall decorations out but with the temps going up around 108 degrees this week, I decided to wait until it's closer to Oct. Besides that my big talking witch scares some of my grand kids. I'm so glad the bridal shower is over and want to thank all those who helped make it a success. It was a lot of work to make it nice and I couldn't have done it without the help of my Mom, sister, sister-in-law, daughters, daughter-in-laws, nieces and of course my friend and visiting teacher. I wasn't given the talent to put things together but I try hard to find those who can help do that and ask for help. It has been hard for me with the economy so bad try to be "of good cheer." This weekend Rich had to give a talk in church as part of his calling on the High Council. It makes me crazy when I know he is going to speak in church because it gives me anxiety, almost panic. He stays in his office for hours trying to read as much as he can and put his thoughts on paper. Yesterday the talk was centered on a talk given by Pres. Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Waiting on the Road to Damascus." One of my favorite quotes is by Spencer W. Kimball when he said: "God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs. Therefore, it is vital that we serve each other." We each have a covenant responsibility to be sensitive to the needs of others and serve as the Savior did-to reach out, bless and uplift those around us. Often the answer to our prayer does not come while we're on our knees but while we're on our feet serving the Lord and serving those around us." Sometimes it's hard for me to think of others when I'm so worried about my own problems, I need to do better. No matter how bad things get I know it can always be worse. The only thing to combat that is gratitude, which I have a problem showing. It sounds like I have a lot of work to do within myself and with those around me.

Catching Up!

I have spent the last three days catching up. Catching up on sleep, laundry, cleaning and reading. A week ago I left right after my nieces shower and traveled for five days going through three states. It was nice to get back to my own bed and the right time zone. I hate being where the time is an hour later than it should be, it confuses me. This morning I got up and read my scriptures and a chapter in the book, "To The Rescue," the Biography of Thomas S. Monson. I have really enjoyed reading about his life. This morning I read about how he was called as a Bishop at twenty two years old. Wow, that's young for a Bishop. He was especially kind to the widows in the ward and those who were struggling during hard times. It talked about how he liked going to funerals because he felt uplifted by the teachings and truths of the gospel he heard there. He said, "Because our Savior died at Calvary, death has no hold upon any one of us ...we laugh, we cry, we work, we play, we love, we live. And then we die. Death is our universal heritage. All must pass its portals. Death claims the aged, the weary and worn. It visits the youth in the bloom of hope and the glory of expectation. Nor are little children kept beyond its grasp." As I read this I remembered how after Kamber passed away Jenn wrote a letter to Pres. Monson telling him how devastated we were at her loss. He wrote a kind letter back telling her how sorry he and his wife were about the accident that took her home. That has been three years now and I'm still trying to sort it all out, it will probably take me a lifetime before I will be able to accept it. So in the mean time I just keep trying to move forward a step at a time trying to build enough faith to carry on. Hopefully some day I will be able to realize the purpose of all the suffering and I become better for it. That's all I can do now.

How Long Will It Take Me To Recover?

Bride to be at the Shower

At the Garden of the Gods

This is Spencer's locker at the Practice Facility

Leaving the facility with Tyton and Gunnar

At the Game before the Rain!

Last week was a whirlwind for me. I had a bridal shower for my niece Alyssa on Sat. followed by a quick trip up to Denver to go to Spencer's Monday Night football game. The shower went really well, she had lots of family and friends come support her. As soon as the shower was over my sister and her husband picked me up and we left for Albuquerque. I was so tired but it was nice to be out of my house and on a little trip. We got into our hotel at around 11:00 p.m. and to say we were tired was an understatement. The next morning we got up early and headed towards Denver. Spencer called and wanted to meet us at a place called "Garden of the Gods" located around Colorado Springs. It is a beautiful group of rock formations surrounded by forest trees. I must admit that after sitting for fourteen hours in a car and having only three hours of sleep it was hard to walk up and down the paths looking at the view. After the hike we went to check into our hotel before going to Spencer and Annie's for dinner. We went to the hotel and tried to get some sleep knowing that Monday would be really busy. Annie had arranged for the family to go to the practice facility to see where Spencer works. I got to go in the locker room and see his name on a space with his stuff in it. I stole a pair of sweats and his name tag used during training camp. That was special to me. We then met up with Rich, Mindi, his sister, Marybeth and other family members who flew in and went to lunch and then out to the the Outlet Mall for a little shopping. After going back to the hotel to freshen up we left for the game. We got to the stadium with plenty of time to soak in the sites and sounds and watch the teams warm up. Before the game started they had things to remember the 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Center. It was emotional for me as they had police and firefighters plus military people honored. They also had four guys parachute into the stadium the last one bringing in a huge American Flag. All was going well during the first quarter of the game and then the rain started. We tried to be strong but went up to get out of the drizzle. We did finally go back down to our seats and try and watch the rest of the game. There were on and off showers during the game so we didn't see much of it. After the game we got to go down on the field and meet up with Spencer. I really try to not get to discouraged but he never has been on a winning team since his Sophomore high school season. I'm tired of losing, I don't think I'm a poor sport but why can't he get on a team that actually wants to win? Oh well, we left yesterday and started our way back to Arizona. We arrived today at 2:00 p.m. and now I need to start getting back to normal, laundry, dishes, feeding animals, and all those other fun things I do. I don't know how long it will take me to recover but I don't think I'll be going anywhere soon.

"I Hate To See Summer End?"

Yesterday was Labor Day so we celebrated by taking my Mom to the mall to buy a gift for my niece, Allysa for her shower this Sat. After suffering for two nights of extreme pain from going to the football game, I was wondering how I would do walking around the stores. When I got out of the car and started into Dillard's' my Mom said, "gird up your loins, fresh courage take." That has become my mantra when I'm doing something hard. It seems like everything is hard for me right now. There is always so much to do around the house and yard when we have a party here. I think all of us could stay home and work day and night and we still wouldn't have it perfect. My Mom suggested that I sweep the floor, do my dishes, dust a little bit and call it good, but that won't do. I want it to be really nice, so I'll just keep working on my list of "must be done" until I run out of time. I'm trying really hard to not sink down into a deep dark hole. Last month was so hot I thought I was going to die. I don't know how many more summers I will be able to stay here. The problem is, what to do with all the plants and animals around here? I need to work on that one this winter. Last night as we were getting ready for bed Rich said, "I hate to see the weather cool down and summer come to an end." I could not believe what I was hearing. I think he's been out in the sun too long because I don't know anyone who is enjoying this weather. This morning when I told him he was "losing his mind" he said, "well, I just know it will be getting cold soon." Wa Wa isn't that horrible that it could cool off here? I can't wait until that day because I will hopefully be out of the toilet by then and have a better outlook on life.

"Why Did You Leave Me?"

What a day we had yesterday. We decided to go to the Cardinals vs. Broncos game out in Glendale. We knew we had to leave early or we would get in the 5:00 o'clock traffic getting through Phoenix. Trace and Tristyn both invited a friend and Rich was meeting us there, so we had to take two cars. Dave took the boys in his truck and Mindi took the girls in the Suburban. As we got to the the freeway Mindi was going through who was in what car when all of sudden she said, "where's Troy?" Oh my goodness we left Troy at home playing with Legos. Lucky for us we were only a couple of miles from home so she called my niece Mary, who lives down the street and asked her to go to the house and find Troy. Dave hurried home while Mindi finished picking up Tristyn's friend. Then we hurried back home also. I guess when Troy realized he was "home alone", he panicked and went outside in back looking for us. Dave found him with dog prints all over his shirt crying in the back yard. WOW! We still don't know why he wasn't with the crowd as we were loading up. After we settled him down he kept asking, "why did you leave me?" Hopefully he won't be scarred for life. The game was so boring, we knew the fourth pre- season game would be, but Spencer had told us that he was going to be a captain and would play at least a few plays. Well, the coach changed his mind and none of the starters or first string guys got in the game. So we suffered through the game and people watched. I am amazed at some of the body art, piercings and skimpy clothing that was there. We were sitting close to the top of the stadium because we didn't want to spend any money watching that pathetic game. There were some very nice people around us but also lots of alcohol. One guy tripped and spilled his beer, lucky he had another one. Rich saw another guy drop a pretzel and when he left it on the ground another guy, sitting in front of us picked it up and ate it. We aren't lying about this stuff. After the game we got to go down with the families of the players and visit. Annie's family were all there and that was fun to see them. It's always so fun to see the players without their uniforms and helmets on so you can see what they look like. I got to see John Elway in person, and I gave Deuce Lutui a big hug. I've always wanted to meet him. He is so cute and very BIG. As we were leaving we got to say Hi to Todd Heap. What a fun time but we were sure tired this morning. I'm heading in for a nap now. Hopefully some day I will actually be able to watch Spencer play in person, it hasn't happened yet.

Troy tired after his ordeal.

Tristyn and friend Maddy after the game.