Happy Halloween!

I have never really liked Halloween and as I have gotten older it has been harder and harder to think of some character I could be. Every year when we go to the Halloween parties I think how fun it would be to dress up and promise myself that next year will be different, so here I am two days away from this wonderful event and I am still at a loss of what I can be. So I guess I will just be what I am every year, myself.
Last week was extremely stressful with having our family picture, Spencer and Annie here visiting, parties and then sharing time, so I don't know if it was the stress or just moving through the steps of grieving that have gotten me so emotional.
Anyway, the other morning I woke up in a not very good place,
I was thinking about Kamber and how much I missed her and that this was the first family picture she wouldn't be in, I was wondering if she missed us and much as we miss her. I then started thinking about my maternal grandmother Fern Turley who passed away in 1974 when I was a student at B.Y.U. She was my best friend, my example, she loved me no matter how obnoxious I was. I knew she loved all of her grandchildren, but we all thought we were her favorite. She didn't like animals that much, (I think she was afraid of them), so when she would dose off in her chair watching t.v. I would throw our big orange cat TOM on her lap and then laugh when I had starteled her. What a brat I was. Anyway, as I was there lying in bed feeling sorry for myself I realized that Grandma's birthday is on Halloween. We used to call her our little SPOOK. I was hoping that Grandma had taken Kamber in her arms and is loving her like we love her. I need to change my attitude about Oct. 31, and realize that one of the most special people in my life was born on that day and enjoy my grandchildren the way she enjoyed all of us. I know Kamber has been with grandma and those others who have passed through the veil before us and hope she feels our love for her and them.

Irrigation Nightmare!!!

I don't know how I get myself in these situations, but I do. On Friday Mindi and I had gotten ready for our usual errand run when I said, "I better check to see when the irrigation is coming." So as we were heading out to get payroll, go by Joann's, then Wal-Mart and maybe even In-and Out Burger, I lifted up the lid to the irrigation board and to my horror the irrigation was already coming in the backyard. So I wasn't going anywhere. Mindi said, "Well I guess you are keeping Troy here" because it takes four times longer to run errands with a two year-old. So out we went to check the irrigation, a 55 year old overweight grandma and a two year old. Anyway to make a long story short, as I looked in the first hole where the water comes out, (I think they call it a port), I noticed that a gopher had dug a hole and the dirt was so thick in the hole that the water wasn't coming out fast enough. I grabbed a piece of Rich's junk and began to try and get the dirt out. Some of it did come out but not enough for my satisfaction so I grabbed a long piece of pipe and as I tried to put it in the port I stepped in a mud hole and sunk to my knees. All of a sudden I was face first in a mud hole with Troy asking "Gamma Kay, Gamma Kay Gamma Kay?" I think he was asking me if I was okay. Anyway, I crawled on my hands and knees out of my mud bog until I could get in the main stream of irrigation and then called my dogs over to help me up. It took a 95 pound white lab and a 120 lb golder retriever to help me up. I was so proud of myself, I hadn't broken any bones, said any cuss words, or hurt Troy, all I could do was laugh. I came inside and asked Rich's secretary to take a picture of us. I know now why Rich always calls it IRRITATION. I am now officially resigning as the irrigation girl, next time it could be worse.

Crazy Week

Did you hear the one about the dislexic? She threw herself behind the bus. That is how I feel this week. I woke up this morning overwhelmed with what we have done this week and what we have left to do. Getting ready for family pictures on Saturday afternoon, Ward Halloween party Saturday night and sharing time on Sunday. We always think it sounds like a good idea to take family pictures, so we have been in the mall everyday for the last two weeks except on Sunday. We have decided to wear purple in honor of Kamber. It has really been fun looking for purple shirts that match for ten adults and eleven children. I never realized how many different shades of purple there are and my mind is spinning even thinking about it. Anyway, Spencer and Annie came down for a few days because it is their bye week. It has been so much fun to have them and their two little boys here. We have really missed them, even though we know how much they love being in Colorado where the temperature is cooler and they have the four seasons. He won't have a break now until after their last game on Dec. 28. We are still struggling everyday with the loss of Kamber and hope that she knows how much we love and miss her. This will be the first family picture taken without her and hope she will be watching down on us.

The Sabbath

Today was a nice Sabbath. Church was really good with a missionary farewell and a high counsel talk. They talked about the family and how important it is to teach your children to work and by serving others we learn to love those we serve. Mindi and I teach the 11-12 year-old girls in Primary. Today the lesson was on prayer and I always learn more than we teach. These girls are so smart that at times I feel we should just let them teach us. There was a quote in the lesson from Ezra Taft Benson, the 13th President of the church. He says "There is a great tendency for us in our prayers and in our pleadings with the Lord to ask for additional blessings. But sometimes I feel we need to devote more of our prayers to expressions of gratitude and thanksgiving for blessing already received." I am really going to try harder to pray with more gratitude, it is really hard for me to express my feelings of gratitude to those that are closest to me. Rich has been gone since Thur. traveling with my brother Lennie through New York and up to Canada where they served a mission together. They are now back in the USA in Boston to go to Spencer's football game against the Patriots tomorrow night. I hope they are having a good time. I don't sleep that well when he's gone so it will be good to get him home. Life isn't fair, he's going to the football game and I'm going to get a mammogram.

Where do I begin?

It seems like the older I get the faster time goes by. I can remember having four small children and thinking I would be up all night for the rest of my life and here I am a mother of four adult children and 12 grandchildren. Where did the time go? How did it happen so fast? As most of you know, our little darling grandaughter Kamber was taken from us on July 25th, our lives have not been the same and each day there are thoughts of happy memories and despair. We never know what the day will bring so we try to stay busy and not dwell on the sadness of it all. I have really been impressed with the way my children have rallied around each other and hopefully we will become a closer more eternal family. It is so hard to see your children go through trials and not be able to rescue them. I'm sure that is also how our Heavenly Father feels . Sometimes I feel like there is no way I said I would come to this earth and go through some of the things I have had to, but the blessings far outweigh the trials so I'm thankful for that. When Kamber passed away I felt like my heart was going to break apart. During that week I did things that I would have never thought possible, but the Lord blessed me and my mantra was "gird up your loins; fresh courage take Our God will never us forsake;" Somehow I got through it and I know someone was helping me. How thankful I am for the gospel and the hope that we can be together with Kamber someday.