Dewey's Delight

"The Law of the Harvest"

2012-01-25T09:34:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was an upsetting day for me. I was gone all day running errands. First I went with Candi to a couple of places and then to the doctor to get her foot looked at. She had an infected toe that was killing her and after going to Urgent Care on Sunday and still no better, she decided to see her foot surgeon. They worked her in and had to do surgery to get the toenail out that was causing the problem. I hope she is doing better today because as a hairdresser she stands on her feet all day long. After being home about 45 minutes I left with Mindi to drop Tristyn off at volleyball practice at ASU and then we went to visit my Dad in Scottsdale while my Mom works in the temple. Mindi and I love to visit with him and are thankful as his 83rd birthday approaches on Sunday he is still with us. During the day I had learned of an unpleasant incident that happened earlier in the day. I was trying really hard to not let it get to me, but as I got more and more information I realized what a poor job of parenting I did. I think when we get married we have good intentions of being the best wife and mother but in reality that is impossible at least it was for me. As I woke up at 4:30 a.m. this morning still feeling like I was going down to the depths of hell I remembered a story from a book I read when I first got sick 26 years ago. I was struggling with some scary health problems when I realized that most of my sickness was caused by my inability to forgive. The Greer's are notorious "grudge holders" maybe not all the Greer's, but this one for sure. In this book it talks about how the principle of forgiveness works. "When any serious grievance takes place, the Lord requires us to forgive the guilty party the moment the infraction occurs, if possible." Then he goes on to talk about an experiment they did at a rattlesnake farm near Salem, Oregon. One of the caretakers took one of his large rattlesnakes and put a forked stick behind its head so it could not coil to strike. Then he began to tantalize it with small chicks and other food. The snake kept trying to coil unsuccessfully, and venom dripped quite freely from its fangs. Within minutes the snake stiffened and died. "The caretaker then commented that a rattlesnake can stand just about anything except its own venom. When it cannot discharge the venom as fast as it is produced, it dies of its own accumulated poison. When you have any resentment, hurt, bitterness, or hatred in your heart, regardless of the cause, if you do not get rid of it at once through the spirit of forgiveness, the hatred will continue to fester and grow and increase, since that is the basic Law of the Harvest." As I talked to my Dad about my failure as a wife and mother all he said was, "I wouldn't take all the blame." Thanks Dad, maybe I'll just blame you and Mom.

"I Will Take My Own Problems"

2012-01-20T14:02:00.000-08:00

After getting my work done this morning Mindi and I decided to run some errands. As we got in the car the gages told us we had two miles before we would run out of gas. We made it to the gas station filled up and off we went to Hobby Lobby. Mindi was taking ribbon back and I was buying some material to finish a quilt. We took a tour of the store, Mindi has to look at everything on sale and at a bargain price. We finally made it to the fabric dept. and got my piece of material cut. We headed for the front and after the girl rang me up I realized I had left my purse back at the cutting table. Mindi had to pay for my stuff and hers and then we went back and rescued my purse. Am I losing it or what? A few years ago I left my purse sitting next to a chair at the fitting room in Dillard's. Old age is definitely setting in. After we went and got lunch we headed over to the grocery store. I only needed a few things to get through the weekend and I hate going to the store on Sat. As we were walking in I told the nice guy at the door, "well we made it through another week." He said, "yeah, I can't believe I've made it through another week already." I then asked him why he wouldn't think he could make it. He began to tell me how he has diabetes and neuropathy in his feet, every step he takes is like walking on nails. He also has had two heart attacks and prostate cancer. I see this guy every time I go to the store and he is always so friendly and nice. I would never have known he had so many health problems. I then told him about my hip fiasco, $25,000 for an operation that doesn't seem to have solved the problem. I didn't want to go into all my other issues like anxiety disorder, obesity and just plain old worn out. He said, "I just try and not let anyone know I'm suffering." Unlike me, who wants to make sure everyone knows when I'm out of sorts. As we got our groceries and were paying for them the little girl who bags them is severely handicapped. I see her walking with two metal crutches and she doesn't talk very well either. I have visited with her before and I think she was born very premature and has had a rough go of it. As I left the store I realized that everyone has problems. Life is HARD, and it was meant to be that way so we can grow and learn from our trials. As I told my nice friend at the store, "I will take my own problems, they were meant for me to work out."

It's MLK Day and Trace's Eleventh Birthday

2012-01-16T08:46:00.001-08:00

The Birthday Boy

Tristyn's Team Playing at ASU

I hate these holidays that aren't really celebrated by us, it's just another day for the kids to be out of school. I guess maybe if I went to downtown Phoenix and marched in the MLK parade it would feel more like a holiday. Rich and the guys are all working to get jobs done this week, so it's just another day in paradise for us. I spent all day Sat. watching Trent play basketball and Tristyn play in a volleyball tournament. This is a three day event that Mindi and Candi played in when they were her age. As I sat listening to all the girls scream and yell and the parents clapping and cheering their daughters on, I had a reflective moment. My grand kids are getting older and soon will be gone to college and on missions, then they could get married. YEAK! I see so much potential in each of them and hope they can keep on the right path so each of them can reach their potential. Today is Trace's birthday he is eleven now. He is such a sweet boy and is watching his brothers this morning while Mindi is with Tristyn at her tournament. How thankful I am to have these little kids to watch them grow and mature and feel of their goodness. With Rich's schedule with work and his church responsibilities I would be alone 95 percent of the time. I have heard girls comment that they could never live with their mothers or women say they couldn't live with their grandchildren, but this works for us. Sometimes its hard not to beat myself up for all the things I can't do, but I'm thankful for the things I can accomplish. If anything I hope to be a good example to my family especially these special kids I can share my life with. Hopefully we can make this a special day for Trace.

"The Power of Adversity"

2012-01-13T16:40:00.000-08:00

A couple of months ago I lost my favorite reading glasses. I was sure the last place I saw them was my bedroom, so yesterday I decided to go on a "search and rescue" to find them. I even dusted off our night stands and looked in drawers, under the bed and all over my make up table. I didn't find my glasses but I found a little book that was given to us called "The POWER of Adversity, Reflections To Empower Your Life." I opened up the book and the introduction said, "There is not a single condition of life that is entirely unnecessary." There is not one hour's experience but what is beneficial to all those who make it their study, and aim to improve upon the experience they gain." Brigham Young Then it went on to say that "the Lord allows us to suffer that we may come unto Him. He tailors our trials for our good. His personal plan for us was created to ensure our optimal happiness and peace." What! He lets us suffer so we can have happiness and peace. I have to admit that after suffering the unbearable grief of having a grand child drown and then going through trial after trial with my health, I wonder sometimes when the happiness and peace comes. I was told the other day by someone close to me that they think I've given up, that I don't want to live anymore. Some days it would be easier to pull the sheets up over my head and hope to not take another breath, but there is a part of me that needs to keep fighting and hopefully overcome some of my faults and lack of hope and faith. All I know is that I don't like to suffer but will do the Lord's will for me. The last page of this little book had a quote by James E. Faust which said, "In the pain, the agony, and the heroic endeavors of life, we pass through a refiner's fire, and the insignificant and the unimportant in our lives can melt away like dross and make our faith bright, intact, and strong." I'm hoping for that in my life.

Don't Know What's Coming Next

2012-01-11T16:31:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a busy day for us. Well, everyday seems to bring something different. Mindi had to drive Tristyn to volleyball practice so we decided to go by and see my Dad after dropping her off at ASU. We had a nice visit, I even talked to their 85 year old neighbor who I hadn't seen in ages. He's taking care of his wife with Dementia and his granddaughter with some sort of Palsy. I feel blessed every time I leave my parents home that they are still doing as well as they are, still living in their own home and my Mom is still driving to the Temple two days a week to work there. When we got back to the campus to pick Tristyn up from practice I waited in the car with the two younger kids while Mindi went in. As I sat watching all the students come and go it reminded me of when I was a student there. I remember parking and walking miles to my classes but these students had bikes and skateboards. I couldn't believe all the girls riding bikes. Back in the 70's when I was a co ed I did ride my bike a lot when I transferred to BYU. There was No Way my parents could afford a car for me, hence the bike riding all over campus and even to the grocery store. I remember buying too much food and then trying to find a way to get it home in bags and my backpack while pedaling around Provo. Then before I got married I moved back home and graduated from ASU. When it came time for Mindi to go to college she got a scholarship to play volleyball at ASU, but Spencer was given a football scholarship at the U of A, so even though most of us are Devils we cheer for the Wildcats now. Spencer is in the last year of his contract with the Broncos so there is a good possibility he will be on another team next year. What will I do with all those orange Denver shirts? I guess they will go the same place all those maroon and gold shirts did, to Goodwill. We never know what is around the next corner but hope we're up for the challenge.

Broncos In The Play Offs Minus Spencer

2012-01-09T13:34:00.000-08:00

I was telling Rich the other day that between trying to diet, still having hip pain, and dealing with this stinking economy, I'm ready to throw in the towel. He is Mister Optimistic and I'm Debbie Downer, how do two people who are so different get together? That's a whole different story. Yesterday we went to church, ate dinner and then watched the Steelers vs. Broncos game. Spencer got hit in the knee last week and injured one of the ligaments in his surgically repaired knee. We felt thankful that the injury wasn't worse and knew our prayers had been answered, but knew he wouldn't be playing. The curse lives on, he has never been on a team that went to a bowl game or play offs since his sophomore year of high school. His team is playing in the play offs, minus him. Last week Mindi got a call from an old friend telling her about his aunt. She has terminal cancer but before she passes away wanted to go to a Broncos game. He wanted to know if Spencer could pull some strings and do something special for her. I guess her family got tickets for her and her husband to fly to Denver from Nebraska where they met up with some other friends and went to the game. After the game Spencer got tickets for them to go on the field to have some pictures taken. Then she got to go in the tunnel where she met up with Spencer and and he gave her a ball signed by all the players. Right now I think life is hard for me but when I hear of others trials I'm thankful for my own. We never know what we will have to deal with, work through, or put up with, I'm just thankful I have survived some of my adversities. I'm trying to keep my head out of the toilet and know that all these trials we have are for our good, they help us develop qualities we need to return home where we came from.

"Exercise My Faith?"

2012-01-06T16:54:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning feeling the same way I did 25 years ago when I was sent down to hell. I come from a long line of worriers so sometimes it gets the best of me. Last night as Rich and I were talking about some struggles, he reminded me that I "don't exercise my faith enough." What does that even mean? What is faith and why don't I have any? When I was a young mother with four small children we had some major setbacks. Rich quit a good job to start his own business, the stock market tanked and there wasn't any work. I then suffered a miscarriage, gall bladder, ear and knee surgery all within a couple of months. After that I started having severe bouts of anxiety, depression, dizziness and some strange symptoms that still keep me close to home. I've been trying to write my feelings down because that is suppose to bring all the thoughts out of my brain and on paper. As I was writing this morning I got sadder and sadder, as the tears started I felt some relief, so I went in to start my work. I had a thought come into my mind, "I sure wish I could talk to my Grandma Fern, Aunt Tenna, or even Kamber," all who have passed away. Maybe they could give me some encouragement and tell me that every experience I have on earth will be worth it when I go to the other side. Every pain in my hip will be worth it if my suffering helps me come closer to the Savior. When I went with Candi on Tues. we ran into a cousin of B.J.s whose sister was murdered last August. As she talked about her feelings of losing her sister and best friend I felt so bad for her. Their family is going through a very hard time right now. Life is hard, I know I can do hard things because I'm still here. Yesterday was my Aunt Tenna's birthday. She would have been 84 had she survived her heart surgery. She was an inspiration to me and I wish I could be half the person she was. We are all asked to do things that are hard, I'm hoping this new year will be better, but if it isn't hopefully I can endure what is asked of me and work on that "mustard seed of faith" I have.

Dieting Through the Holidays?

2012-01-04T11:04:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I've written, mostly because there is so much to do around here with putting Christmas away and cleaning for the New Year. Dave put a new Wi Fi thingy on our computer, so for a couple of days the Internet wasn't working. I was hoping to bring a new and improved attitude into 2012 but within a couple of days I was back where I ended. Wow, it is so hard to change personality traits and that makes life complicated for me sometimes. My sister, Mindi and I all started a diet around Thanksgiving, I know horrible timing. Anyway, it's been really hard but we are all having some success. After trying all of the other diets, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Slim Fast, even almost having lap band surgery, we found a Naturpathic doctor that is having success with us fatties in helping fight the battle of the bulge. Combined last week the three of us lost over ten pounds, which she was so happy with because it was during Christmas. I know everyone has something in their life they use to help fight stress, depression, anxiety and all the things living this earthly life gives us. I am aware that some use drugs, alcohol, sex, shopping, and anything else to take away the pain. It seems in my family a lot of us use food to medicate ourselves. We even live in a culture that seems to celebrate everything with food, especially "treats." I think a lot of us are addicted to sugar which is my "drug of choice." I was talking to Candi yesterday as I went with her running errands and she said she eats when shes bored. That's why she loves to work because she can control her appetite on the days she works. She said if she was a "stay at home mom" like I was, she would be large. I have noticed that as I try and control my calories, it has made me more emotional and irritable. I was told by a friend that when you try and lose weight, or body mass, it does bring up the emotions that have caused you to put on the weight in the first place. I know for our family times are tough. The economy hurts small businesses like ours and especially when you have people who won't pay you for the work you do for them. Rich's sister in Utah and her husband have a tile business and they don't have any work right now. At least Rich and Dave are working everyday. As Candi and I were driving home yesterday through a run down part of Mesa she made the comment that things could be so much worse for us. I know I don't deserve most of what I've been given, great parents and a wonderful supportive family, now if the pounds could just keep coming off it will be worth it.

Post Christmas Blues

2011-12-29T13:31:00.000-08:00

I woke up at 7 a.m. this morning and got to work. My house has looked like a bomb went off with all the Christmas crap around and dishes, laundry and everything else to do. I got my mantle cleared off, the Christmas tree ornaments all taken off and almost everything back where it belongs. The only thing I have left to do is put all the boxes up in my closet. I'm hoping someone can help me do that tonight. How fast the "Christmas Season" ends around here. It seems like we have a day to enjoy the holiday, feel the spirit and then it's back to the same old routine. I'm getting weary of it. Next year I think I'll find a little ceramic tree and put it on a table, I'm done doing this all by myself year after year. I've been thinking a lot about moving in to the new year. How can I make some changes that will help me have a more healthy, happy lifestyle. I thought maybe starting a "gratitude journal," to help remind me of my blessings, but I'm not really in the mood for that. Am I the only one who thinks life is just too hard right now? Is everyone in denial? Maybe it's just my bad attitude, but I swear next year is going to be different for me, I'm tired of the same old thing. We had a very simple Christmas, it was hard fitting church in on Christmas Day but the music and message was good. We had our kids and grand kids come over and open presents and then all the extended family came for dinner. That is the only way we can do it so my parents can see all the grand and great grand kids. It was sad this year because my one brother is serving a mission and the other has just gone through a divorce. That leaves most of the work for my sister and me and our kids. Hopefully things will get better, the sun has to come up again tomorrow, and hopefully Christmas will be behind me.

Merry Christmas To All

2011-12-24T20:08:00.000-08:00

Candi and Max

Four oldest grand kids

Me loving Max

You know you're an old fart when on Christmas Eve you soak in the tub and watch The Sound of Music on t.v. My sister and I were venting last night about how hard it is to fit everything in. It seems like the older I get the less I get accomplished and that's frustrating. Today was a different day and it didn't seem like Christmas Eve. Spencer played in Buffalo against the Bills and they did terrible. There is only one game left and if they don't win, their season is over, NO play offs. As I sat watching the game I became more and more anxious. I probably shouldn't watch the games because it puts me in such a bad mood when they play so bad, four interceptions, really? So after the game Mindi and I did some retail therapy trying to finish up our shopping and looking for bargains. I came home wrapped presents for my grand kids and told Rich I was going to bed. He said, "it's only 8 o'clock are you really going to bed?" Yes, I'm tired and tomorrow is going to be another crazy day with church and then the whole family coming for dinner. Is this the way life is going to be moving towards 60? I guess so. I've been kind of down in the dumps lately. It seems like the stress of the holidays brings out some sad emotions deep down inside of me. Last night at our family party I looked around at all of the eighty people that were there. I have so much to be thankful for. I have the best parents, spouse, kids, grand kids, siblings and friends. I have a testimony that our Savior lives and he loves me and watches over us. I still don't understand why Kamber had to go home, but know I will see her again someday. I think I'm finally getting the real meaning of Christmas. It's the gratitude we have for the birth of our Savior and the love we have for all his creations. I hope all those I love have a wonderful peaceful Christmas tomorrow and feel his spirit.

"The Most Wonderful Time of the Year?"

2011-12-22T16:15:00.000-08:00

I spent this morning doing some much needed housework, I know how busy the next few days will be, with our extended family party tomorrow and then Christmas Eve and Christmas. After I was finished Mindi and I did some last minute shopping, it felt good to be out of the house. We then met up with Candi, B.J. and their boys at the cemetery to put a little something on Kamber's grave. Families shouldn't have to decorate children's graves, especially at Christmas, this was our third year. As we pulled up I noticed two teenage girls putting red garland around a tree close by. There was an older man with buckets and gallon water containers cleaning the grave of his sweetheart. After we were finished I walked over to him and told him how nice he kept his wife's grave. She passed away about 18 months ago. As I looked in his eyes I could see the sadness and loneliness, what a loving husband. As we were walking around B.J. and I started talking about how we came to purchase some plots at the cemetery. He wanted to go see where our "final resting place" will be. As we looked at some of the headstones there were many whose spouses have died way before them. I'm glad I have the knowledge that we will see our loved ones again. That gives me peace. I have felt overwhelmed and disillusioned about my life right now. Life is hard, and the older I get the harder it seems to get. I hope some day I will get to the point that my faith will be able to pull me through the hard times, but right now I'm just hoping for some peace during "the most wonderful time of the year."

Birthday Change of Plans

2011-12-19T09:29:00.000-08:00

This morning I woke up at 5:30 a.m. with the water running in the shower. Dang how I hate being married to an early bird. I tried to get back to sleep but after about an hour I decided to just get up and start working. By 8:00 I had my sheets washed, the dishwasher loaded, the dogs and fish fed, breakfast and lunch made for Rich and my caramel popcorn cooking on the stove. Today and every day this week are going to be busy but today was going to be a special day. We were going out to lunch to celebrate the birthday of a good friend of mine. I have known Paula for over twenty years as she lived in Lehi when we were both down there. She has four boys just about the same ages as my children and was a second Mom to Spencer because he was best friends with her youngest Blake. Anyway, after a divorce and the accidental death of her oldest son, she remarried a guy in my ward and so we were reunited again. She has been a very good friend to me. When I had my hip surgery she slept at the hospital on a mat on the floor so I wasn't alone for the two nights I was recovering. She came over a lot this summer trying to encourage me to exercise in the pool. We have had some very special conversations and cried together after the death of her son Rhett and my grand daughter Kamber. I hope I can return just a little bit of service to her. Unfortunately I just got a call that she is sick and won't be able to go to lunch, but I know we can go when she feels better. Now that our plans have changed I need to decide what is most important to get done today, I don't even know where to start.

We Will Never Give Up

2011-12-17T09:40:00.000-08:00

Here it is a week before Christmas, how can that be? I've been busy trying to get my shopping finished and stay "out of the toilet." It's hard around the Holidays to keep everything in perspective, what Christmas is really all about. I went out the other night to feed my animals and one of my special rabbits was missing out of the cage. I asked Mindi if she had seen her in the morning and she had. So I went in the cage thinking maybe she was just hiding, when I saw a hole leading out of the cage to the backyard. Because of the rain the dirt was really soft so it was easy for her to dig her way out. Mindi and I searched the yard until we found her dead under the grape vines. Couldn't she see the five big dogs waiting to chase her? It put me in such a bad mood I could hardly function yesterday. Ethan came by and said, "I hear you are down in the dumps, come with me and I'll buy you lunch and you can spend some time holding the baby." So off I went to spend a few hours with the grand kids in Queen Creek. Last night as I was getting ready for bed I asked Rich, "at what point do you just give up, throw in towel, or just crawl in a hole?" My ever optimistic husband said, "Never! we never give up, we endure to the end." Okay, I think sometimes that I am at the end, I'm tired of my life as I know it. Yesterday I was talking to my Mom, she always tries to cheer me up. She lived through the depression when life was really hard. Her Dad was sick and my grandmother had to provide for the family. She understands what hard times are and she always tells me "things are going to work out, get better and don't get discouraged." With all of this positive energy around me how did I turn out to be such a Debbie Downer? I guess I need to keep working on that gratitude journal, then maybe things will get better, and work out for the best.

I Need to Build an Ark, We Are Flooding

2011-12-13T14:53:00.000-08:00

It has rained now for two days straight, my yard looks like a swamp and my animals are swimming. How do people live in places where it rains constantly? This morning the sun was shining for about an hour. We thought it was clearing up so off we went to the Mall. I'm trying to get all the Christmas bought for my grand kids, the adults aren't getting anything this year unless Rich wants to shop for them. I heard on the news this morning that women do most of the shopping for Christmas, Really? I know if it isn't at Home Depot or Loew's, Rich doesn't think we need it. I remember when my kids were young I would kill myself shopping, sometimes late when the stores were open until midnight. I would then spend all Christmas Eve wrapping because if I put presents out any earlier the kids wouldn't leave them alone. Then on Christmas morning Rich would say something like,"Wow you bought way too much this year." Then the blood would start shooting out of my eyes after I spent hours and hours trying to make Christmas nice. I guess he just thought everything should be free or that Santa Clause would bring it. Men just don't get the shopping thing, Rich would be naked and starve if he did the shopping. So I guess it's a good thing I bust my butt every year so we can have some sort of Christmas. We have all felt so overwhelmed lately with all that we have to do. Rich and Dave are working 10-12 hours a day and we still are hardly making it. Mindi and I work all day trying to keep up with laundry, dishes, cleaning and not to mention five kids to take care of. Maybe we should put the house up for sale and move into an apartment where they do all the lawns, or a hotel where we can have maid service. That sounds great, but what will I do with all the stuff I have and the critters? I guess I need to just be happy with what I've got right now and be thankful I'm not in a sleeping bag in the park in the rain.

NOT So "Merry and Bright"

2011-12-09T09:43:00.000-08:00

This week the grand kids have had ear infections, bladder problems, diaper rash and strep throat, those are just the ones I know about. Mindi went out to feed the animals yesterday and pulled something in her back. She just left for the doctor. After a summer of over 110 degrees it was 28 this morning. The animals don't like it so cold, either do the flowers Rich planted. I spent all day yesterday trying to decorate my Christmas tree and finish the swag in my entry way. Last night I was sitting alone in my family room enjoying all my work feeling sorry for myself when the phone rang. One of my best friends called to tell me her father had passed away. I could hear the pain in her voice as she told me "I'm so sad, I will miss him." I knew her parents weren't in very good health but didn't know he was that sick. It seems like everywhere I look there are trials, and heartache. Just because it's Christmas doesn't mean all is "Merry and Bright," we are all going through something hard, especially trying to diet during the holidays. Sometimes I wonder if it's all worth it, hopefully when we get to the other side and are reunited with our loved ones we will be proud of what we did here. I'm thinking I'll have some huge regrets, some character flaws I wasn't able to overcome, and some relationships ruined. This mortal life is how we prepare to return to our Heavenly Home, hopefully I'm going to be up for the challenge, right now I'm just trying to get through Christmas.

Not Feeling the Christmas Spirit Yet

2011-12-07T13:56:00.000-08:00

The Nativity My Dad Carved

My crystal tree

The Mantle

After the Game

Abney and I (Darling!) Ha Ha

All the boys in the Jungle Jim (Basketball Hoop)

I've had a hard time getting motivated to get my house decorated for Christmas. I'm not really in the Christmas spirit right now but hopefully I can move towards that. Every year I say "I've had enough, never again," but continue to make myself crazy. Annie and the kids came for the weekend while Spencer was in Minnesota playing the Vikings. The Broncos even won so that makes it fun for me. It was so good to see them and spend a little time playing with the kids. I wish we could have planned it better so we could get all the grand kids together for pictures but we didn't have time. We went to church, watched the game, had dinner and then let the kids play with the cousins, then we went out to Ethan and Jenn's to see the new baby. How blessed I am to be the grandmother to sixteen wonderful kids. Today as Mindi and I were out running errands I saw two different guys on scooters, one was handicapped and stopped in the middle of the street crossing the freeway. The other one was going down the sidewalk with an American flag on the back. He was an older guy and after looking closer he had only one leg. Mindi said, "see Mom it could be a whole lot worse." I know that compared to many I have a wonderful life, I just wish there were some things that were different. I'm trying to make some changes and hopefully it will help. We never know what we will be asked to go through, I don't even know how to prepare for adversity, so I just keep plugging along on this journey of mine.

Joy In The Journey?

2011-12-03T18:43:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning at four with a bad headache. By the time I got a Tylenol and went back to sleep it was after six. I slept really good but when I got up it was after 8:00, my cleaning girl had come and gone because my front door was still locked. I decided I could do it alone and started feeding animals and tried to get my house decorated for Christmas. I would clean as I went along. I do this every year, say "next year I'm not going to put that huge wreath up," "I'm not going to put the swags around the entry way." Well, I did it again, proved that I like to inflict pain on myself. Rich went to work to clean up a job site, so that left me on my own again. All I wanted were the Christmas lights up on my house. Dave started to do it and it began to rain, then he couldn't find any of the lights that actually work, so again no lights. As the day progressed I seemed to become more angry. I bought a little tree to put some purple ornaments on for Kamber. Then I put the crystal ornaments on my little tree in the entry. It seemed like everywhere I looked there were memories of Kamber. I walk outside the front door and there are the purple flowers Rich planted in Kamber's section. The picture hanging on the inside of my door, which is the last family picture that she's in, I will never take it down. Rich got home just in time to hang my wreath, listen to me complain and then off he went to a Stake Conference meeting. Life seems so busy and complicated sometimes I'm ready to throw in the towel. Am I ever going to find peace and joy in this journey I'm on? Maybe I'm focusing on the wrong things. Maybe I'm just tired of being mortal.

It's Beginning To Look Like Christmas

2011-12-02T10:50:00.000-08:00

It's beginning to look and feel like Christmas around here. The temps are down in the sixties with a winter storm moving through. I've had my tree up for a week now but haven't put a single ornament on it. It seems like a mood thing for me and I'm trying to get "in the mood." When I was a kid it seemed like forever between Christmas and my birthday, now it seems like we just put all the decorations away and here we go again. There were a couple of boxes that never even made it out of my "stack all" room. My doctor called last week to say all the blood tests were normal. That means I'm not rejecting the metal part of the hip. That's good news, but now I need to find something else to solve my problem. I'm trying to make some lifestyle changes that are really hard for me to do. I know that I have medicated myself with the finer things in life like chocolate, pizza, cheeseburgers, soda and many other unhealthy things. I was told as a young child that my Dad would rather bury me than have me in a bar or drink alcohol. That's what you get when your grandparents were alcoholics. So even though I would never drink alcohol or take drugs I will kill myself with food. So I'm joining a few other family members who are having our own "Biggest Loser" contest and hopefully it will help with my pain. I have noticed that since I've been trying to change some of my eating I'm way more emotional. This is really hard but necessary for my health so I must "gird up my loins, fresh courage take." I think I can do hard things but no comfort food is torture. Hopefully some day I will feel good again and be able to be out of pain and hopefully do things I haven't done in a very long time.

Number Sixteen Is Here

2011-11-28T13:35:00.001-08:00

Yesterday morning at around 7 a.m. the phone rang. My heart sinks every time we get a call either late at night or early morning. It was Ethan telling us they were on their way to the hospital to start the process of delivering our sixteenth grandchild, Reagan. Rich had to leave for a meeting so I was by myself listening to church music and praying that all would go well with Jenn. There is something about the birth process that brings you to your knees. I don't know what song it was but it really touched me and the tears started to flow. I was wondering if this baby, that is about to be born, knows her other sister who went to heaven three plus years ago. I believe that we lived in heaven with other spirits waiting to come to earth to get a body, but I don't know if those spirits that have died mingle with those waiting to come. Jenn is a pro at this as she's had six babies in ten years. We are so proud that she and Ethan are willing to take on this task of raising these special children. I have spent the last two weeks working on quilts for this baby. Jenn said she wanted an animal print but I had a hard time finding animal prints for babies. I think they turned out cute. We may be getting to the end of our posterity. The kids are figuring it out, but we are still hoping for a few more from a couple of them.

Moving On To Christmas

2011-11-26T07:11:00.000-08:00

We had a nice Thanksgiving with about fifty people at our house. This was the ON year for the Greer family but with Lennie on a mission and some of the older grand children now hosting their in-laws we didn't have that many, which is probably good. I realized that I'm not getting any younger as I spent all day yesterday in bed sick from something, stress, too much food, or just plain old tired. I'm feeling a little bit better today but when I look at all that is ahead of me I want to just go back to bed. I want to get my tree up and the lights on our house done because last year it seemed like Christmas came so fast we never really got finished decorating. I have also decided to have a more simple decore, I just don't have the desire to do what it takes, hopefully less will be okay. Tomorrow our 16th grandchild will be born, if all goes well with the scheduling at the hospital. I have been busy finishing her quilt and shopping, which I love to do. There is just something special about a newborn. When I think of Ethan and Jenn being the parents of six kids I can't believe it. I hope they are up for the challenge. As I look back on my life I am just thankful that my kids are healthy and productive members of society. At one time, when they were all teenagers I had my doubts but I'm so thankful for each of them. It's weird because my Mom used to tell me all the time how thankful she was for her children. When I was raising my kids I was happy to make it to another day without driving my car over a cliff. Now that I'm hitting the golden years I can see what my Mom was saying. The only thing we really have and can depend on is the love of our family.

Thankful

2011-11-23T16:23:00.000-08:00

These last few days have been busy, we've been trying to get the house clean and food ready for our Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. At times I feel overwhelmed with all that is going on. Today Mindi and I ran a bunch of errands. We needed to hit some stores because I NEVER shop on Black Friday because of the crowds. Lately I've felt more emotional than I usually am, sometimes I just have to ask myself, "what is wrong with you?" I have so many conflicting feelings about so many things I'm making myself crazy. As I was visiting teaching on Monday we were talking about receiving revelation, and what we need to do to get personal revelation. The main thing is to live the commandments so we can be worthy for the blessings and answers to problems in our lives. As we were driving from store to store I kept thinking about some things that are bothering me right now. In the news lately there have been lots of reports of child abuse and parents who take the lives of their own children. Just this morning as I got on the internet I read several articles all over the country where mothers and fathers have done the unthinkable to their children. Who are these people and why do they even have children? Anyway, as I was watching t.v. tonight there was a "breaking news" story of a plane that crashed into the Superstition Mountains just east of us. This doesn't help with my fear of flying. As the night progressed they kept getting new information about the crash site and finally said there were six people who lost their lives, three young children. They had flown up from Safford to get the kids and take them back for Thanksgiving. How tragic to have this happen at this time, or any time. I feel so bad for the families of these people, I know what an awful experience it is as my Uncle Kenneth was killed when his plane hit a mountain and all those aboard were killed. That happened about fifty years ago and my Mom still tells me how hard it was for the family. As I was feeling sorry for myself today, wondering what I can do to help myself, I realized that even though I have some challenges, I have lots more to be grateful for than most people. So tomorrow I am really going to try and relish the time I have with the fifty or so people who want to come to my house and share our food. I never want to take for granted the relationships I have with others, you never know when one of them will be taken from you.

Mom's 82 Now

2011-11-19T09:31:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my Moms 82nd birthday. We were trying to find a time to celebrate with everyone but because of some conflicts my sister and I decided to just go to Scottsdale and take her to lunch. Well, actually my Dad ended up treating us to Mexican food at Los Olivas. Talk about going back in time, that is what it's like to go back to downtown Scottsdale for me. I grew up in Scottsdale but left in the 70's to go to college and then get married. As we left the restaurant I noticed that we were right across from the hospital. As I walked across the street there was the Piper Cancer Center. I told my sister, "I hope I never have to go there." Then a little bit farther down there was the Stroke Center and next to it the words TRAUMA caught my eye. My mind went back to the day Kamber passed away and what trauma really means to each of us. After visiting with our parents and having a sliver of pie Mell had brought, we left their humble home and started back to Gilbert. As we got down to McDowell street I told my sister how different our family is now. We used to be able to take Mom out for dinner with all the siblings and have such a nice time. Now with Lennie serving as a Mission President and my other brother getting divorced, we have to go it alone. My sister even said, "we've really lost both of our brothers." It just isn't the same anymore, but I guess that's what life is all about, doing the best you can with what you have to work with. Mell and I have talked about this before, we are so lucky to have both of our parents still with us and that they are in as good of shape as can be expected in their 80's. They still live alone and take care of each other, even with the little health problems each of them have. My Dad talks about how he wants to live at least until my brother gets home from his mission, I hope it's a lot longer than that. This Thanksgiving will be another one where we will have all the family at our house but things have definately changed. We will have some dear members not with us, but life goes on and we will keep trying to do the best we can.

"It Just Isn't That Bad"

2011-11-17T13:32:00.001-08:00

I woke up this morning in tears. I didn't sleep well worrying about struggles going on and I am just feeling tired. Tired of life as I know it. When I was young I thought "almost sixty" would be a piece of cake. My kids would be grown and gone, Rich and I would have enough money to travel and do what ever we wanted, and our health would be good enough to just enjoy life. I know I have so much to be thankful for and most of that I don't deserve, but life is hard for me right now. Rich promised me that when he quit his job and started his own business he would "be home more, and we would have way more money." I have even threatened to put it on his headstone when he leaves this earth, because anyone who owns their own business is married to it, especially construction. The kids never understood why we couldn't go on vacation but how can you say, "Mrs. Jones, I know your kitchen is torn to he#@ and you are doing dishes in the bathroom sink but we've decided to take the kids to Disneyland. It never happened. Anyway, after my pity party this morning I got up and decided to get some things done. Then my sister picked me up and took me to a doctors appointment. As we were driving down Lindsey we both notice the beautiful trees along the road with the prettiest fall leaves. This time of year is suppose to be reflective of all the things we are thankful for and all I'm seeing are the trials. Rich has to talk in church on Sunday. He brought some papers he had found in for me to read. I hate it when he does it, but I usually need the message. One of the little sayings was from Ralph Waldo Emerson who said, "A man's success is made up off progressive failures which he rises above, because he experiences and ventures every day. And the more falls he gets, the faster he moves on." We are all going to go through trials, the death of a loved one, illnesses, loss of jobs, and failure of our hopes and aspirations. That is Life! Now I need to figure out how to develop a habit of happiness. As Rich told me this morning, "it just isn't that bad."

People Watching At The Mall

2011-11-12T16:45:00.000-08:00

I woke up early this morning and decided to get to work. I never sleep that good when Rich is away, even though I have the whole bed to myself and he's not there waking me up getting ready for work. As I fed the animals and got my house cleaned, Mindi asked if I was going to go with her. She needed a break from the kids, laundry, cleaning and just being a Mom. She was in desperate need of some retail therapy. So we took Miss Trulie and off we went to the Mall. I don't do that well with walking from store to store, so I sat with the baby in the car while Mindi hit a couple of baby stores. I entertained a four month old and people watched. After about an hour we decided to get out of the car and do some walking to a clothing store a little ways away. We got about ten things to try on and went into the dressing room. I looked at myself in the mirror and said, "I have NO business shopping for clothes looking like this, my hair looks terrible." Mindi found a couple of shirts but I decided that having three closets full of clothes were enough and we left. Mindi even asked me if I was okay because it's not like me to not buy something, especially when Rich is out of town. By this time it was about lunch time, so we decided to just get a pretzel, cheese and lemonade that was close to where we parked. We got our food and went to the car to eat. As we were sitting there, again watching all the people walk by, a girl came around the corner with a young boy going into the pretzel store. She was so pretty and looked so happy with a huge smile. She had a red blouse on with a blue purse hanging over her shoulder. The thing is, she didn't have any arms. Mindi turned to me and said, "How will she eat without any arms?" We sat there watching as she came out with the young boy holding his pretzel and drink. They turned the corner and walked up the sidewalk shopping. Then again Mindi said, "I guess it could be so much worse, but she looked way happier than I am right now." As I sat there thinking, looking at all those people some were skinny and cute, others cute and pudgy. I realized how much I compare myself to others. I saw couples holding hands shopping, I can't ever remember Rich and I holding hands strolling through the Mall together on a Saturday morning. It would never happen, trust me. I was feeling a little bit sorry for myself but do I really want to take Rich to the Mall? Not a chance, the only shopping he does is at Home Depot and sometimes Wal Mart. Anyway, after shopping I was in desperate need of a nap so I came home and went to bed while Mindi continued her shopping spree at Bashas' and now she's off to Hobby Lobby and somewhere else. I'm too old and tired to shop all day but I'm thankful I was able to feel gratitude for what I do have even if it's a husband who won't go to the Mall.

Veteran's Day 2011

2011-11-11T13:21:00.000-08:00

Rich left this morning at 5 a.m. to go to Camp Lo Mia for stake youth conference. I hope he stays warm up in the mountains because he hates the cold. He has left us here to do irrigation and "hold the fort down", whatever that means. After he left I did three loads of laundry and made four batches of pomegranate jelly. I will be so glad when the juice is either frozen or given away. I love the smell of my house when I'm cooking with pomegranates, it reminds me of my Mom and special aunt who started the tradition of giving the bright red jelly to friends and neighbors for Christmas. It does make me really tired and my back starts to hurt, I need a nap. Yesterday I went to see my surgeon about the pain that continues to bother me in my hip. He is going to run some tests on my blood to see if maybe I'm allergic to the metal in the prosthesis and then we can make some decisions about what my options are. It's really confusing when all the x rays, bone scans and CAT scans show everything looking good, but basically it can all look good and still not be working right. It's frustrating, but I'm thankful to have a good doctor. As he was looking at my scans he found I also have arthritis in my back and an old rib injury. I don't remember ever hurting my rib, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen. After my appointment we went to the Outlet Mall to shop with Spencer's money at the Reebok store. That is always fun but so tiring walking around trying to find sizes and colors. I was able to get some nice shoes for Rich and my Dad and some really cozy socks for me and my Mom. It's basically all workout clothes and a few jerseys and shirts, but not much Bronco stuff. Anyway, it really helps the girls get new shoes for all the kiddos. Today is Veteran's Day and I am so thankful for all those who are in the military and keep us safe. I had two uncles and a brother-in-law who were in the Air Force. One uncle was killed in a plane crash up by Flagstaff. The other did two tours as a navigator of B 52 bombers flying over Vietnam. Another uncle was in the army. I also have a cousin who served as a Special Op in the Marines who was airlifted into Afghanistan after 9-11. These guys are heroes to me and I hope they know how much I look up to them and appreciate their service.

Working on Charity and Courage

2011-11-09T07:58:00.000-08:00

My life keeps rolling along. We had a good weekend with Trent's baptism and church. We now have five of our sixteen grandchildren who have been baptized. They are so special to us. All the kids and grand kids were there except Spencer and Annie in Colorado. Spencer played in Oakland on Sunday and the Broncos won, so that was fun. We have to tape the game and watch it after church. The game is usually over before we get through the first half, so we try not to find out the score until we see it for ourselves. This week during the third quarter we got a call from Annie saying Spencer got injured, but not seriously. He had an MRI on Monday and called to say there's nothing majorly wrong, so our prayers have been answered again. He should be able to practice and play this next game. My thoughts this week have been with my cousin's daughter who is 28 years old and fighting breast cancer. She got an infection from the surgery and was hospitalized last week with a high fever. She had surgery again on Mon. to remove the infection. The question I've asked a million times since Kamber passed away, WHY? We knew when we came here it was going to be hard and we would be asked to do things that were very unpleasant, but a young mother having to go through such a horrible illness shakes my soul. I hope that in the eternities we will be able to see how much our trials helped us become more like the Savior, but now it just makes me so sad to think of all the suffering that's going on in the world. I've been reading a Biography of President Monson's life, "To The Rescue." He is such an example of charity, Something I read yesterday really hit home with me. He said "Perhaps when we face our Maker, we will not be asked, 'How many positions did you hold,' but rather, 'How many people did you help?' One can never love the Lord until he serves Him by serving His people." Maybe this is the answer to my question "why" we need to have these trials, so that we can serve others and be served and hopefully some day have the pure love of Christ which is charity. I know I am a long way out there and charity doesn't come that naturally to me sometimes but I'm working on it. Tomorrow I go see the surgeon to see what he can do to help me. I don't know what I want to hear either way the news isn't going to be good. I had Rich and my Dad give me a blessing on Sat. while we were together, all I can remember is him giving me courage to do what it will take to be healed and out of pain. Hopefully that blessing will help me in the decisions I will have to make in the future, courage isn't one of the gifts I was born with, but something to work on in the future.

Thankful for Being a Mom and Grandma

2011-11-03T19:24:00.001-07:00

I can't believe how the weeks are turning into months faster than I can keep up. Candi called me yesterday and asked about our plans for Thanksgiving. I told her I'm trying to get through the baptism and luncheon for Trent on Sat., then we will start thinking about Thanksgiving. This month will be crazy again. Besides turkey day, Jenn will probably have her baby and it's my Mom's 82nd birthday as well. This morning I woke up early and got going. My Mom came over to help me do some of my jelly and picked up some more juice to finish hers. Before she got here I put up all my Fall decorations and did some laundry. I started thinking about all the years I've been a stay at home Mom and now Grandma. Thirty-five years seems like a long time to be doing the same thing over and over. I was talking to someone the other day about how hard life is. How busy it is to have children and try and do your best to raise them. As we were talking, it came down that basically the more kids you have, the more crazy life becomes. I finally said, "I do have some regrets in my life, but I have never regretted having my children." They aren't perfect, but they are mine. I was asking Rich the other day if we could just close up the business, move into a one bedroom condo and rest for a while. Of course we can't, he loves his job, even though the economy has tanked, he still loves to work. I guess that's better than having a lazy husband. Yesterday we watched Brookie and Max while Jenn was at the doctor. It's so fun having these little people around. They say the funniest things. I'm so thankful that I was able to have children and that my kids have chosen to bring these little spirits into our family. I can't wait until little Reagan is born, life will just get a little busier and a lot more fun!

Turning Juice Into Jelly

2011-11-01T12:45:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning at 3:45 a.m. with such a severe pain in my leg I thought I was going to have to call 911 or go to the hospital. It felt like my whole leg was going to blow up. It's happened a couple of other times but never this bad. I finally got up took some pain reliever, put an ice pack on and tried to go back to sleep. That never really happened as I could hear a bunch of racket going on outside my bedroom, plus the stupid dogs were trying to get to the baby chickens. Oh the joy of running a small petting zoo. I decided to just get up and start making jelly out of the pomegranate juice we worked so hard for last week. I had just finished up my third batch when my Mom called for the second time, to check up on me before she's off to the Temple. My Mom and Dad are my biggest cheerleaders and even though they are in there 80's and I'm almost 60 I'm still their little girl. I know they have my back, NO matter what I'm going through. I was telling them that I just don't think I signed up for these trials. I said, "Oh yeh, send me down, I don't mind if I'm crippled and in constant pain. Let me suffer through the drowning death of my grandchild. Let me live through one disappointment after another, that's what I want." After I had my pity party my Dad said, "You know Teri, all these things you are talking about aren't going to mean a thing in the big scheme of things when you get to Heaven." By then I was telling him that I probably won't be there in Heaven but will be fine in Hell. I'll have lots of company there. Then they started reminding me of all the positives in my life. "Your four "darling" children and even "more darling" sixteen grandchildren. My beautiful home, my testimony, my temple recommend, my chickens," okay Dad you're stretching a little bit on that one. I guess I just don't remember when I was in Primary and Young Women's them teaching, "now brace yourself because you are about to go through some horrible trials before you can return home." Maybe if they would have told me I might have made some different decisions in my life. Anyway, it is what it is, and hopefully the sun will come up tomorrow so that I can spend the day making more jelly and maybe get some other chores done along the way. I guess I have heard something about "enduring to the end," maybe the end will come soon.

Roosters Gone, Pomegranates Juiced

2011-10-29T11:59:00.000-07:00

This has been a crazy busy week that I'm glad is over. It all started on Monday when I got a call from an elderly man who wanted to come get my roosters. We have been trying to get rid of them for a while and about to lose hope, when he got my name from a note we left at the feed store. He came out and we filled two cages and a small box with chickens for him to take out to his 10 acres Chandler. I made him promise me and practically do a "pinky swear" that he wouldn't kill them and off he went. I was so relieved but at 4:00 a.m. the next morning, I have to admit, I kind of missed all the crowing. I think I'm over it now and hope we won't be back in the same boat when our thirty babies grow up. The rest of the week we spent picking, washing and juicing pomegranates. We usually don't do it until the first week in Nov. but because Trent's baptism is next Sat. we thought we would get an early start. I helped my sister pick some trees they found in downtown Mesa on Wed. and then had the boys help pick my eight trees out back. On Thurs. Mindi and I went to Lehi to pick my friends two trees and then two trees in our neighborhood. We were so dirty and tired I though I was going to expire. Yesterday the family came in shifts and we got all the fruit juiced and bottled, finishing at 5:30 p.m. This has become a tradition in our family that my dear Aunt Tenna started way back when. I think about her every year as we take on this project. As we were picking I had this feeling of admiration for her and a sense of fulfillment in the "law of the harvest" kind of way. As we were sitting around the table with four juicers going, I realized why my Dad loves to plant a big corn field and vegetable garden every summer in the White Mountains. There is a sense of accomplishment when we do hard things that others wouldn't think of doing. Anyway, I'm glad that's over, now I will spend this week making jelly and getting ready for Trent's luncheon after he gets baptized next week. I'm going crazy but wouldn't have it any other way.

"I Spit On Fair"

2011-10-26T10:28:00.001-07:00

I have finally climbed out of the "toilet" for the thousandth time in my life. Why does life have to be so hard for me? Every time I go into one of these funks I try and promise myself that once I get out, I will never go there again, but just like everything else in my life I can't make any promises. I've been reflecting a lot lately on why life just doesn't seem fair. My brother, who is a mission president in Washington, told me once that in law school the professor used to say, "I spit on fair." I still don't know what that means but I guess that in this life nothing is fair. I was talking to a dear friend of mine this morning. She is such an inspiration to me. When we lived in Lehi she was so kind to me and would take me to Mayo Clinic when they were trying to diagnose me back in the 80's. She has had such a hard life. She has nine children, one was still born with some birth defects. One of her daughters was born with some complications and has cerebral palsy, she is thirty-one years old now. She also had a baby at almost forty seven that continues to be a trial as he has autism and at times gets violent and pulls her hair and slaps her. What an angel she is and how much I admire her. As I was listening to her and trying to be a support like, "I'd beat one of my kids if they ever slapped me or pulled my hair out," I asked her how she even gets through the day. She doesn't think she's doing such a good job, but I know she has to be a special person to survive what she's gone through. I keep hoping that a miracle will happen and my hip will heal without further surgery, but I'm also realistic with the fact that it's been over a year and if anything it's getting more painful. We all fought in Heaven for the chance to come to earth, get a body, and prove that we would return home worthy to live with our Heavenly Father. This is the "Plan of Happiness" but sometimes it just doesn't seem so "happy" to me. I need to put everything into perspective and see all the blessings I have. I know it could be so much worse, so I will carry on doing what I can to keep moving towards the light and hopefully stay out of the toilet for a while.

My Balloon Is Losing Air

2011-10-21T12:40:00.000-07:00

These last couple of weeks have been very disappointing to me in many ways. I have been through some really hard things in my life and even though I get a glimmer of hope that things will change, it's always the same old story. I was talking to my sister the other day about some of my frustrations and she told me a little story she uses in her "addiction recovery" group she and her husband run. She talks about all of us who have great hopes about our lives when we are young. As we get married, have children, buy our first house, get job promotions on and on our balloons fill up with air and we are flying high. Then when the trials come, as we know they will, financial problems, miscarriages, health problems, grandchildren passing away, relationships going bad, on and on our balloon starts to loose air. She said, "Teri, by the time you get our age, our balloons are pretty flat." That is what I've been feeling for a while now. How can I get my balloon filled up and hopefully in the air again? My surgeon called me yesterday and gave me the results of my CAT scan. He said that this test didn't show any abnormalities in the hip, BUT it is NOT normal to still be having pain fourteen months out. There is a possibility that my bone didn't grow around the metal socket and so this might be the reason for all the pain. The only way to fix it is to have another surgery. This is one of those experiences that make your balloon go flat, going through hell and then having the chance you get to do it again. Oh well, I lived through it once before and if that is what needs to get me out of pain and walking better I may have to do it. It will be the last resort though. Hopefully the sun will come up tomorrow and I can get some air flowing in my big flat balloon.

Trulie's Blessing and Water Turtle Rescue

2011-10-18T11:27:00.000-07:00

We finally had Trulie's baby blessing on Sunday. Dave did a nice job and it was fun having all my kids and grand kids there. With Dave's family from Willcox, we took up about five long rows in the back of the church. When you get that much family together it's hard being reverent, but we got through it. We also had two returned missionaries speak, so there were people sitting all the way back to the Primary room. We spent a lot of last week getting all the food ready and preparing but it never seems like we are ready for a crowd like that. Feeding sixty hungry people gets harder the older I get. On Sat. I started having a really sore throat and a cough, I'm just hoping it isn't strep. I have too much to do to be sick. This morning we got three hours of irrigation. We never know how much water we'll get. Sometimes it just barely gets up to the front of our property and then other times we are flooded out within the first hour. I have a little area between our two houses where I have two ponds full of water turtles and fish. As I walked down to Mindi's to take some of her stuff to give her I saw that the water kind of got away from us. The whole area was under water and the turtles and fish were swimming all over the ground. As I looked harder I could see some little green things floating. I called Mindi out and she went on a turtle rescue finding nineteen babies. Mindi said, "what in the heck are we going to do with all these turtles?" I started my little "turtle operation" by rescuing a female from a girl in my ward about ten years ago. I eventually had Rich build me a pond because a baby pool wasn't working so well with the dogs. Then anytime someone didn't want their turtle, it ended up in my pond. I think at last count I have nine adult red eared sliders and now twenty-one hatchlings. We have also had about twenty baby chicks hatched in the last two weeks and I'm still trying to find someone to take my fifteen roosters. I don't know why people don't want roosters, it's so fun when they start crowing at 4:00 a.m. ha ha! Anyway, I'm glad last week is over and hopefully I can get my house back together and work on a couple of quilts. As I was sitting in church listening to Dave give Trulie her blessing I wondered what it was like when I was blessed. I leaned over and asked my sister if we had any grandparents or great grandparents at our blessings. She didn't have an answer but Trulie had two grandmas and one grandpa and a set if great grandparents, not to mention all the aunts, uncles and cousins. Hopefully some day she will appreciate all those who love her and were there to see her given a name and a blessing.

Glad the CT Scan is Over!

2011-10-14T10:18:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I went to have a CT scan of my hip to see if we can find what's causing my pain and make me walk like a penguin. I hate these tests because they bring up so much anxiety. I made the appointment at a time when I could take some medication to help with the symptoms and off I went into the room. The girl was young, cute, and really friendly. She had to tie my feet together pointed in for some reason, I guess to put the hip in a certain position. As she slid me into the tube and started the machine I started to have a little panic run through my body. All I could think to do was start singing Primary songs. I wasn't singing very loud but I started with "Heavenly Father, are you really there, and do you hear and answer every child's prayer?" I don't know if she heard me or not but she started talking to me and said, "we're almost done." It only took about five minutes and the rest of the time I just shut my eyes and started praying about someone in heaven watching over my kids and grand kids. On the way home I was talking to Mindi about my situation. I don't want them to find anything wrong because that means another surgery, but if they don't find anything wrong can I live like this for the rest of my life? Either way it isn't good. Life has a way of keeping me on my toes, and I'm not too fond of that.

A few months ago I had a friend ask me if I could help her make a quilt for her new grandson due this month. I decided to just make it without her, knowing how busy she is working two jobs and taking care of her elderly parents, not to mention serving in Young Womens. She came by last night and picked it up, she seemed to like it and hope it will be used in Washington.

We are busy trying to get houses and yards ready for Sunday when we have everyone over after Trulie's baby blessing. Mindi made me this cute wreath to put on my door, I couldn't do it without her, I'm just sorry that she has to be the one always in the middle of all the problems and trials. Hopefully she will be blessed for her efforts. I sure appreciate all her support.

Busy Weekend and More To Come

2011-10-12T14:30:00.001-07:00

Alyssa and Ben coming out of the Temple.

All of those invited to the sealing.

My sister Mell.

Trenter the birthday boy.

Last weekend we had two weddings, and celebrated two birthdays. My niece Alyssa was married on Friday and then a dear friend of the family was married on Saturday. We celebrated my sister Mell's 60th birthday on Sat. evening because Trent's birthday is on the same day, Monday Oct. 10. and Mindi was having a party for him. When you throw in two receptions, fall break, church and a football game, my head is still spinning. When we came out of the Temple after the wedding it was so pretty, there was a cool breeze and some puffy clouds in the sky. We were surrounded by family, and now the new family. I took my camera so I could take some wonderful pictures of this glorious event. When I got home and put them on the computer something didn't look right. I couldn't find the pictures I had just uploaded from the camera. I asked Mindi for some help and found out I had taken videos instead of pictures. I shouldn't be allowed to use any thing that requires the use of technology, how hard is it to take a few pictures? I guess pretty hard if you don't know you are on the video setting of a camera. Life continues to be hard and painful for me and I'm still not sleeping well at night because of the pain. Tomorrow I'm scheduled for a CT scan of my hip so hopefully the doctor can help me. The older I get the more confused I get about why we need so many struggles, but I guess it can always get worse. This Sunday we will have the blessing of baby Trulie with a luncheon after church. Mindi and I are busy planning the food and trying to get the house clean and the outside work done, it never ends so I guess I need to just enjoy the journey.

Lemon Machine, Pain, and Panhandlers

2011-10-06T15:10:00.000-07:00

About a year ago I was in a fabric store and decided to buy a new sewing machine. I had a couple of old ones but the new fancy one that does about 50 different stitches caught my eye. After a short demonstration I brought my machine home and was so excited to start sewing. Well it worked pretty good for a while but one day as I was sewing the binding on a quilt it made a loud scary noise and the bobbin pulled out of the machine. I took it in and got it serviced, luckily it was still under warranty. When I got it home I started quilting on it again and the same thing happened, the weird sound and then the bobbin lifting out of the machine. So off we went again to the store, this time I was pretty ticked off. I talked to the guy who sold it to me and he said he was going to send it to their Glendale store for repair and if it did it again I could get a new machine. So two days ago I was in my sewing room putting the binding on a quilt for Trace and that darn machine did the same thing, this time the needled fell out before it made the noise and damaged the bobbin case. Now I'm really upset. I take the machine in this time in hopes of getting a new machine. When I got their the guy who sold it to me is in California, so they took my machine and will have him call me when he gets back. I have been up almost all night the last three nights with severe hip pain. It was so bad last night I decided to call the doctor about another cortisone shot or something to relieve the pain. When he called me back he decided that I need to have a CT scan to see if the medal replacement is in right or if I just have bursitis. Now my day really isn't going that well, no sewing machine, possible revision surgery, I'm up to my eyeballs in weddings and receptions this weekend that I need to shop for. Mindi and I pulled into the QT to get some gas when a young girl stopped Mindi and asked for $10 to get to Queen Creek. She told her a sob story about her mother dying and she's here from Michigan and on and on. Mindi came to the car and told me about the girl that needed some money. I got in my purse and gave her the $10. After Mindi talked to her for about a minute she got in the car and said, "I don't buy it. Something isn't right here." We watched as the girl went to a car and talked to a couple of guys and then went into the store. As we drove off we both felt like we had been taken for ride and been told a big fat story in order for some guys to get this girl to panhandle for them.
As I was telling my Mom how disappointing of a day it has been for me, no new sewing machine, having to maybe go through another surgery, and being duped out of ten bucks, all she said was, "at least you did what the Savior would have you do and helped someone. What ever she did with the money is up to her, let it go." So I'm going to let it go and hope that someday I will be blessed for trying to help a stranger, now if I can just get my new machine and my hip to stop hurting that will truly be an answer to my prayers.

Could It Possibly Be Cooling Down?

2011-10-05T10:59:00.000-07:00

Well it's finally happened, we got a weather cool down and a little rain too. Last night as I was out feeding animals the clouds were starting to build and I could see lightning in the distance. After a hellish September, breaking all kinds of high temperature records it's so nice to feel a cool breeze on my face. I have heard of people who get depressed because of no sunshine, is there a possibility there could be some sort of a syndrome for too much sunlight and 110 degree temps everyday? I need to check that out. Rich and the boys got back from Green Bay where they traveled to watch the Broncos get slaughtered by the Packers. I must admit that I'm a really sore loser and on the verge of not watching the games anymore. It really messes with my already not normal head. Spencer hasn't been on a winning team since his Sophomore year in high school. He never got to go to a bowl game while playing in college, and the Broncos haven't made it to the playoffs since he's been there the last three years. My Dad always told me, "show me a good loser and I'll show you a loser." Anyway there has to be a reason why, I just don't know the answer. I was up a lot in the night with severe pain again. I felt so good yesterday and spent the day doing chores and sewing on a baby quilt. I guess it's time for another cortisone shot, but do I really want to fill my body with all those medications? What's a girl to do, suffer? I have been reading "To The Rescue" the book about President Monson. He is such a wonderful person who tries to help whoever and whenever he can. He talked about attending the funeral of a dear friend of his. Elder Monson wrote "He taught me to appreciate my family as he appreciated his." His motto was, "A man has but three things, his God, his family, and his friends." That pretty much sums it up for me too. The older I get the more I realize that all this stuff we have, just doesn't really matter. What really matters is our relationships with God, our families and friends.

I Will Never Be the Same Person

2011-10-02T17:40:00.000-07:00

The treat table

Me with the "Birthday Boy"

This weekend has gone by so fast. Between listening to Conference and celebrating Troy's fifth birthday it's been crazy. I love listening to the talks and music of conference. Sometimes I felt the tears run down my face as something would touch my spirit. I have also noticed that after conference is over I go into a kind of dark hole. It may just be because there is so much good information given that I'm trying hard to process it, or maybe that I have so much work to do that I feel overwhelmed. Life has been really hard for me for a very long time and it is easy to feel like giving up. I know that I've been blessed beyond what I deserve, but I still have some things that bother me and just won't go away. I'm not the same person I was three years ago when Kamber passed away. I have also struggled for the last year trying to get this new hip to work and be pain free. I feel like that is a losing battle also. We were reminded in some of the messages today that this mortal life is meant to be hard. We have to go through some really crappy stuff to prove to our Heavenly Father that we will be faithful and live the commandments. The message that I heard loud and clear today was that we MUST endure to the end, whatever that is. I also need to do a better job at forgiving others. I try to blame it on my Dad or the Greer's for being a grudge holder, but whoever is at fault, I need to do better. Mindi did such a good job making Troy's birthday fun. She did a Super Mario Brothers themed party. Her creative juices just flow and everything has to be perfect. She molded chocolates to look like mustaches and yellow stars. She then dipped little donut holes in green colored chocolate and put little white dots on them to look like toadstools. Between the red gum balls, marshmallows and pretzels the kids were pretty much "high" on sugar when they went home. I'm so glad those days are over for me, now I can just enjoy the grand kids birthdays without doing any of the work.

Max loving his green cupcake!

Holding "Miss Trulie"

Can't Wait for Conference and Birthdays

2011-09-29T14:29:00.000-07:00

Mindi is going crazy because she has two birthdays soon. We have been running errands all day yesterday and today trying to put the finishing touches on supplies she needs for these parties. Yesterday we went down into the middle of Phoenix so she could pick up some special Mario Brothers cake decorating molds. On the way through downtown we had been talking about some of the challenges we have in our lives. While we were stopped at a light I saw a large girl walk across the street who looked disheveled and not dressed so well. As I looked the other direction I saw a guy in a wheelchair with only one leg pulling himself along, carrying his possessions on his lap. Mindi made the comment, "see Mom things could be worse." I felt ashamed of all the complaining I had been doing on our little road trip. As we left Phoenix we headed towards my parents home in Scottsdale. We decided to go by to see my Dad who stays home alone while my Mom still works in the Temple. As we drove through Scottsdale I had so many memories flood my mind. This is where I did my student teaching. This is where I went to grade school and high school. My Dad seemed to enjoy the visit and Mindi even helped him learn how to change the t.v. to the DVD player. My parents won't get a computer because they think they are "too dumb" to learn how to run one. Anyway, Rich left this morning at 4:45 a.m. to fly to Utah to attend his missionary reunion tomorrow and spend some time with his sister and her family. Then he's coming back to the airport on Sat. and meeting up with Dave and B.J. to go to Green Bay to watch Spencer play football. That means I have the bed all to myself, don't have to cook or clean and can spend all day tomorrow shopping at the mall. Then on Sat. and Sun. I can watch conference all by myself, I love the feeling I get listening to the speakers and the music. Oh I forgot I need to make some time for the birthday party on Sat., sounds like a busy weekend! Hopefully next week I will have some time to spend finishing some of my quilts, I have too many that need my attention, and that's where I go to find some peace.

Where are the Butterflies and Rainbows?

2011-09-27T17:42:00.000-07:00

It seems like I'm still trying to get back to normal after my trip to Denver. Sitting in a car for four days and not sleeping very well in hotels listening to heavy breathing and snoring has taken a toll on me. I was one of the snorers, so I can't complain too much. Yesterday I ran some errands with Candi and when I got home Mindi had a stack of stuff to take to Goodwill. We would take it to DI but it is way far away and we didn't have the time. This morning Candi came over and did mine and Mindi's hair, it's so nice having a hairdresser in the family. After she left I got some of my ironing done but that is about all I accomplished today. It seems like I'm not that motivated to get the things done I need to, like putting up my Halloween decorations, finishing a quilt, and shopping for all the upcoming birthdays. Oh well, tomorrow is another day. Ethan and Jenn were on Sunday evenings Fox 10 news talking about Kambers Kaskets. They did such a good job, I was so proud of them. I think it might have triggered some old feelings of grief that I've been working on for the last three years. Sometimes I think my emotions are under control and then the sadness, despair, anger, depression and hopelessness creep in. It doesn't help that the hip pain has come back, I know the cortisone is only masking the damage of major surgery a year ago. As I was feeling a little down the other day I started thinking about what it would be like on the other side. I almost got a euphoric feeling thinking about how nice it would be to be totally 'Pain Free," both physically and mentally. As I was telling Rich about my experience he said something about "opposition in all things." It seems like the older we get the more opposition there is. We knew before we came it wasn't going to be all rainbows and butterflies but at some point I wish I could just have at least one of those. Who knows maybe I will see one soon.

Made It To The Temple With Alyssa

2011-09-23T11:03:00.001-07:00

Brookie holding "Baby Trulie"

On Wed. my niece Alyssa went through the Temple in preparation to be married two weeks from today. My Mom had told me at least twenty times that she wanted me to TRY and go be a support for her so she would have some family members there. I have had some personal issues with going to the Temple and haven't attended since right after Kamber passed away, three and a half years ago. I hate being pressured to do something that might make me have a panic attack, so I've always just stayed home and felt left out. Well, Mindi and I were out running errands and we were talking about maybe seeing if we could make it to support Allyssa and keep my Mom happy. We hurried home, got ready and made it to the Session. I was surprised that I had done something so very hard for me to do. I know someone on the other side was helping me and I continued to tell myself that "I Can Do Hard Things," whenever the feelings of anxiety would hit. Yesterday Jenn had a doctors appointment and asked if we could watch Max and Brookie. We were getting irrigation so we were home hoping to not get flooded out. Brookie and Max were playing with toys in Mindi's family room. I asked Brookie how old she was. She kept telling me that she was two, even though she turned three in April. I kept telling her, "no you are three." After about three or four times she said, "I'm two and Kamber is five." How did she know that Kamber would be five years old? Anyway, I had to catch my breath and realize that she is aware of her sister and loves her. Today Kylie is nine, my grandchildren are getting so old and mature. Pretty soon I will hopefully be going to the Temple with them in preparation to getting married or going on missions. That will be a wonderful day for me!

"My Dark Cloud Is Still Hovering"

2011-09-21T10:55:00.000-07:00

This morning Rich and I were in the kitchen together. I had been listening to him talk to someone on the phone and could tell it was bad news. An employee of his was having some complications after surgery. After we discussed what was going on he said, "you know, some people just have a dark cloud that follows them around." After that he was getting his lunch together and I had just finished feeding my pack of dogs. I went to the sink to wash my hands when he was saying there was something sticky on the floor. After 35 years of marriage I know that one of his biggest pet peeves is to stick to the floor. I hate it too, so as I reached for a rag in the sink I felt that not so pleasant sting of a scorpion. I didn't cuss, I just let Rich know that he needed to find it and kill it while I got some ice to put in the palm of my hand. I almost started laughing as we both talked about how I'm one of those people that has the "dark cloud hovering over me." I then said, "if there is a scorpion in this house he's going to find me." Yesterday I spent a few hours working on a quilt to put on our bed. It felt good just being alone in my sewing room creating something. I look around and see how creative those around me are and I feel inadequate. I wish I would have stuck with the piano lessons, gone to cosmetology school, done something other than spend six years in school before realizing I didn't want to be a teacher. I guess I need to be grateful that my parents wanted me to have an education and helped me get one. Life is short, I want to have peace in knowing that my Heavenly Father is aware of me and knows what is best for me. Now if I can just solve my scorpion problem I will be happy.

"God Watches Over Us"

2011-09-19T12:27:00.001-07:00

Tristyn and Miranda Best Cousins

Linda and Her Girls

The Candy Bar

The Food Table

I woke up at 6:00 a.m. this morning with a bad pain in my hip and in other parts of my body. I guess my cortisone shot is starting to wear off which makes me sad. Sitting in a car for over thirty hours last week probably didn't do it any good, I'm too old for that trip. I was going to start getting my Fall decorations out but with the temps going up around 108 degrees this week, I decided to wait until it's closer to Oct. Besides that my big talking witch scares some of my grand kids. I'm so glad the bridal shower is over and want to thank all those who helped make it a success. It was a lot of work to make it nice and I couldn't have done it without the help of my Mom, sister, sister-in-law, daughters, daughter-in-laws, nieces and of course my friend and visiting teacher. I wasn't given the talent to put things together but I try hard to find those who can help do that and ask for help. It has been hard for me with the economy so bad try to be "of good cheer." This weekend Rich had to give a talk in church as part of his calling on the High Council. It makes me crazy when I know he is going to speak in church because it gives me anxiety, almost panic. He stays in his office for hours trying to read as much as he can and put his thoughts on paper. Yesterday the talk was centered on a talk given by Pres. Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Waiting on the Road to Damascus." One of my favorite quotes is by Spencer W. Kimball when he said: "God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs. Therefore, it is vital that we serve each other." We each have a covenant responsibility to be sensitive to the needs of others and serve as the Savior did-to reach out, bless and uplift those around us. Often the answer to our prayer does not come while we're on our knees but while we're on our feet serving the Lord and serving those around us." Sometimes it's hard for me to think of others when I'm so worried about my own problems, I need to do better. No matter how bad things get I know it can always be worse. The only thing to combat that is gratitude, which I have a problem showing. It sounds like I have a lot of work to do within myself and with those around me.

Catching Up!

2011-09-17T14:05:00.000-07:00

I have spent the last three days catching up. Catching up on sleep, laundry, cleaning and reading. A week ago I left right after my nieces shower and traveled for five days going through three states. It was nice to get back to my own bed and the right time zone. I hate being where the time is an hour later than it should be, it confuses me. This morning I got up and read my scriptures and a chapter in the book, "To The Rescue," the Biography of Thomas S. Monson. I have really enjoyed reading about his life. This morning I read about how he was called as a Bishop at twenty two years old. Wow, that's young for a Bishop. He was especially kind to the widows in the ward and those who were struggling during hard times. It talked about how he liked going to funerals because he felt uplifted by the teachings and truths of the gospel he heard there. He said, "Because our Savior died at Calvary, death has no hold upon any one of us ...we laugh, we cry, we work, we play, we love, we live. And then we die. Death is our universal heritage. All must pass its portals. Death claims the aged, the weary and worn. It visits the youth in the bloom of hope and the glory of expectation. Nor are little children kept beyond its grasp." As I read this I remembered how after Kamber passed away Jenn wrote a letter to Pres. Monson telling him how devastated we were at her loss. He wrote a kind letter back telling her how sorry he and his wife were about the accident that took her home. That has been three years now and I'm still trying to sort it all out, it will probably take me a lifetime before I will be able to accept it. So in the mean time I just keep trying to move forward a step at a time trying to build enough faith to carry on. Hopefully some day I will be able to realize the purpose of all the suffering and I become better for it. That's all I can do now.

How Long Will It Take Me To Recover?

2011-09-14T19:11:00.000-07:00

Bride to be at the Shower

At the Garden of the Gods

This is Spencer's locker at the Practice Facility

Leaving the facility with Tyton and Gunnar

At the Game before the Rain!

Last week was a whirlwind for me. I had a bridal shower for my niece Alyssa on Sat. followed by a quick trip up to Denver to go to Spencer's Monday Night football game. The shower went really well, she had lots of family and friends come support her. As soon as the shower was over my sister and her husband picked me up and we left for Albuquerque. I was so tired but it was nice to be out of my house and on a little trip. We got into our hotel at around 11:00 p.m. and to say we were tired was an understatement. The next morning we got up early and headed towards Denver. Spencer called and wanted to meet us at a place called "Garden of the Gods" located around Colorado Springs. It is a beautiful group of rock formations surrounded by forest trees. I must admit that after sitting for fourteen hours in a car and having only three hours of sleep it was hard to walk up and down the paths looking at the view. After the hike we went to check into our hotel before going to Spencer and Annie's for dinner. We went to the hotel and tried to get some sleep knowing that Monday would be really busy. Annie had arranged for the family to go to the practice facility to see where Spencer works. I got to go in the locker room and see his name on a space with his stuff in it. I stole a pair of sweats and his name tag used during training camp. That was special to me. We then met up with Rich, Mindi, his sister, Marybeth and other family members who flew in and went to lunch and then out to the the Outlet Mall for a little shopping. After going back to the hotel to freshen up we left for the game. We got to the stadium with plenty of time to soak in the sites and sounds and watch the teams warm up. Before the game started they had things to remember the 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Center. It was emotional for me as they had police and firefighters plus military people honored. They also had four guys parachute into the stadium the last one bringing in a huge American Flag. All was going well during the first quarter of the game and then the rain started. We tried to be strong but went up to get out of the drizzle. We did finally go back down to our seats and try and watch the rest of the game. There were on and off showers during the game so we didn't see much of it. After the game we got to go down on the field and meet up with Spencer. I really try to not get to discouraged but he never has been on a winning team since his Sophomore high school season. I'm tired of losing, I don't think I'm a poor sport but why can't he get on a team that actually wants to win? Oh well, we left yesterday and started our way back to Arizona. We arrived today at 2:00 p.m. and now I need to start getting back to normal, laundry, dishes, feeding animals, and all those other fun things I do. I don't know how long it will take me to recover but I don't think I'll be going anywhere soon.

"I Hate To See Summer End?"

2011-09-06T13:58:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Labor Day so we celebrated by taking my Mom to the mall to buy a gift for my niece, Allysa for her shower this Sat. After suffering for two nights of extreme pain from going to the football game, I was wondering how I would do walking around the stores. When I got out of the car and started into Dillard's' my Mom said, "gird up your loins, fresh courage take." That has become my mantra when I'm doing something hard. It seems like everything is hard for me right now. There is always so much to do around the house and yard when we have a party here. I think all of us could stay home and work day and night and we still wouldn't have it perfect. My Mom suggested that I sweep the floor, do my dishes, dust a little bit and call it good, but that won't do. I want it to be really nice, so I'll just keep working on my list of "must be done" until I run out of time. I'm trying really hard to not sink down into a deep dark hole. Last month was so hot I thought I was going to die. I don't know how many more summers I will be able to stay here. The problem is, what to do with all the plants and animals around here? I need to work on that one this winter. Last night as we were getting ready for bed Rich said, "I hate to see the weather cool down and summer come to an end." I could not believe what I was hearing. I think he's been out in the sun too long because I don't know anyone who is enjoying this weather. This morning when I told him he was "losing his mind" he said, "well, I just know it will be getting cold soon." Wa Wa isn't that horrible that it could cool off here? I can't wait until that day because I will hopefully be out of the toilet by then and have a better outlook on life.

"Why Did You Leave Me?"

2011-09-02T12:39:00.000-07:00

What a day we had yesterday. We decided to go to the Cardinals vs. Broncos game out in Glendale. We knew we had to leave early or we would get in the 5:00 o'clock traffic getting through Phoenix. Trace and Tristyn both invited a friend and Rich was meeting us there, so we had to take two cars. Dave took the boys in his truck and Mindi took the girls in the Suburban. As we got to the the freeway Mindi was going through who was in what car when all of sudden she said, "where's Troy?" Oh my goodness we left Troy at home playing with Legos. Lucky for us we were only a couple of miles from home so she called my niece Mary, who lives down the street and asked her to go to the house and find Troy. Dave hurried home while Mindi finished picking up Tristyn's friend. Then we hurried back home also. I guess when Troy realized he was "home alone", he panicked and went outside in back looking for us. Dave found him with dog prints all over his shirt crying in the back yard. WOW! We still don't know why he wasn't with the crowd as we were loading up. After we settled him down he kept asking, "why did you leave me?" Hopefully he won't be scarred for life. The game was so boring, we knew the fourth pre- season game would be, but Spencer had told us that he was going to be a captain and would play at least a few plays. Well, the coach changed his mind and none of the starters or first string guys got in the game. So we suffered through the game and people watched. I am amazed at some of the body art, piercings and skimpy clothing that was there. We were sitting close to the top of the stadium because we didn't want to spend any money watching that pathetic game. There were some very nice people around us but also lots of alcohol. One guy tripped and spilled his beer, lucky he had another one. Rich saw another guy drop a pretzel and when he left it on the ground another guy, sitting in front of us picked it up and ate it. We aren't lying about this stuff. After the game we got to go down with the families of the players and visit. Annie's family were all there and that was fun to see them. It's always so fun to see the players without their uniforms and helmets on so you can see what they look like. I got to see John Elway in person, and I gave Deuce Lutui a big hug. I've always wanted to meet him. He is so cute and very BIG. As we were leaving we got to say Hi to Todd Heap. What a fun time but we were sure tired this morning. I'm heading in for a nap now. Hopefully some day I will actually be able to watch Spencer play in person, it hasn't happened yet.

Troy tired after his ordeal.

Tristyn and friend Maddy after the game.

Grandparents Day With Kylie

2011-08-31T14:25:00.000-07:00

On Monday afternoon I got a call from Jenn's phone. When I answered it I heard a sweet little voice that said, "Grandma, this is Kylie can you come to my school tomorrow for Grandparents Day?" I was trying to think of what I was doing on Tuesday and then I realized that whatever I was going to do wasn't as important as going to see Kylie. It isn't a "news flash" that I have social anxieties. I hate going in to situations where I don't know how many people are going to be there or what we will be doing. I also worry about how I will compare to others. I got a reminder call that evening making sure I would be able to attend, to eat lunch in the cafeteria with her and then over to the library for the book fair. I worried all night about getting up, doing the chores and being out to Queen Creek by 11:00 a.m., I also worried about what to wear and if I could handle the extreme heat we've been having. Worrying has been passed down to me in my DNA from my dear Mother, and I HATE it. Well, everything went so good. Jenn and I went to McDonald's to get some lunch then off to the school we went. I knew the secretary and they were really friendly. I looked around and there were all kinds of grandparents, short and pudgy, tall and thin, old and not so old, grey hair and dyed like mine. I had worried for nothing, just like always. I even ran into a friend who had been there all morning because she had so many grand kids at that school. As we were leaving I told Jenn how happy I was that was over. She said, "Yeah but you still have fifteen more grand kids you will have to do this for." Now that is overwhelming!

Will It Ever Cool Off?

2011-08-29T12:16:00.000-07:00

This August has been the hottest I can ever remember. We have had a heat advisory for the last week or so and the highs have been over 110 degrees and the lows barely under 90. Is this where hell is going to be? I think so. I get so cranky when it's hot like this, I even irritate myself. Rich says "I worry too much about the temperature, anything over 105 just doesn't matter." He grew up in Utah and went to Canada on his mission so he HATES the cold. He whines like a little girl when it gets cold, but he says he likes the heat. How can anyone normal truly like this depressing heat? Last Sat. we celebrated Dallas' fourth birthday. We went to Chuckee Cheese so the grand kids could play all the games. It was fun to sit and visit but that place would give anyone anxiety with all the people, the noise and blinking lights. I'm still paying for my EXTREME shopping trip last week. It was so fun to be out and about but when it's this hot I just stay inside in my nightgown anyway. This week Spencer will be here with his team to play the Cardinals. We have gone back and forth whether we should spend the time and money to drive clear out to Glendale to watch the game he probably won't play much. Three years ago he was a rookie and got to play a lot, but being a fourth year player and a starter he might not play. Last year he was injured when they played here, but it's still fun to see him on the field. I may try and get on the plane with him going back to Denver, maybe it's cooler up there, ha ha.

"Ultimate Shopping When Its 113?"

2011-08-26T15:45:00.000-07:00

Today Mindi and I went out and did some "ulitmate shopping." It's been a long time since we spent five hours at the mall, so it was lots of fun. When we got in the car to come home the temp. said 113 degrees. I said, "are we crazy out shopping in this heat?" Mindi answered with, "I wasn't going to stay in my house one more day." I love being a shut in, ha, ha, but occasionally it's fun to roam the mall. Tomorrow is Dally's fourth birthday so we got some fun stuff for him. Mindi is tired of wearing maternity clothes so we tried to find some new clothes for her. Since this is her last baby she's giving all her maternity clothes away. Dillards is having an extra 40% off all their clearance prices, and Macy's is having a sale that if you donate $5 to the March of Dimes you get 25% off your purchases. As we were standing in line at Macy's trying to decide if we wanted to donate I decided that because I have sixteen healthy grand kids $5 is nothing to contribute to this charity. Spencer and Annie gave me a gift card for Christmas for all the stores in the mall, so I'm still chipping away at that. It makes it so much more fun to shop when it doesn't cost me anything. I have so much to do before I host my niece Alyssa's bridal shower two weeks from tomorrow. I don't know why I volunteer because it makes me crazy trying to get everything done. It seems like everywhere I look there is a project that needs to be finished. I think when the shower is over I'm going to take a trip. I don't care where I go, but I'm going somewhere far far away. Hopefully where it's cooler than 113 degrees. Now I'm going to go take some pain killers and pack myself in ice, I know I will be paying for this shopping trip later today.

"Why Don't You Go Get A Pedicure?"

2011-08-22T13:33:00.000-07:00

Last night I went to bed really irritated. It doesn't take much to tick me off lately but as I fell asleep I was not happy. Last week I asked a family member to cut my toenails and maybe slop some polish on them, they were really looking bad. The response I got was, "why don't you just go get a pedicure?" Huh! So yesterday I asked a different family member to trim up just the toes on my left foot, the ones I can't reach because my hip doesn't bend, okay and maybe my jelly rolls get in the way. Anyway, the response I got was, "why don't you try and get in shape so you can cut your own toenails?" That was it, I won't ask again. So this morning as I got into Mindi's house I saw little Trulie sitting in her vibrating chair with music playing sound asleep and I thought, "what I would give to be so peaceful, content and pure as that little baby." Life is so easy for her, I want someone to love me and care for me like we do this precious child. Then reality set in and I thought of all the people who I love and I think love me. I know my parents love me as they have been my advocates all my life, always letting me know they are on my side and will help whenever needed. I think my husband and kids have a glimmer of love for me, sometimes it's a little bumpy but we have survived all these years. I have brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, cousins galore, that I love dearly. I hope they love me too. After I had my little love fest in my mind the phone rang. It was Candi asking if I needed anything at the beauty supply or bread store. I asked again, "is there any way you can polish my toes, they look so bad?" She said she was in a hurry to get home but had time to come in fast and do that for me. What a kind daughter, she didn't even give me any crap about walking around barefoot in the slew or anything, she just did a kind act of service. I knew helping her get through cosmetology school would pay off some day. Thanks for the kindness, by the way, I need my hair done this week too can you fit me in?

I Need A Break From The Heat!

2011-08-20T19:21:00.000-07:00

I've been crazy busy this week trying to get a quilt tied for Trace and start getting my house ready for the bridal shower in three weeks. I have wondered a lot this week why I would volunteer to have a party here because it really makes me more of a nut than I am normally. I got up early and put away everything and then fed the dogs before my cleaning girl came. She asked me how I did without her last week and we decided that until after the shower she will come every week. Hopefully that will take some of the pressure off of me. After I got my house cleaned Mindi and I headed to the grocery store. It's always a good feeling to get out of there, a few years ago I had such bad anxiety I couldn't even go to the store, so I'm thankful to be a little better. Rich and I then had to go help make 96 sausage and egg burritos for the young men tomorrow at an early morning Priesthood meeting. Rich decided to go on to the Temple and when he gets home he has to work on a talk he has to give tomorrow morning. Sometimes I wonder if I am able to sacrifice and serve. Rich seems to do better when he's under lots of stress and I HATE to be stressed out. I just went out to do my night time chores. I thought that because it was almost dark it would be cooler. As I worked the sweat just poured off my forehead and under my hair. It is still 103 degrees and I don't know how much more I can take of this hellish weather, then when I look at the forecast it's going to be 112 next week. We truly do live in hell, and are in desperate need of some rain. I know I'm being punished for something. Anyway, tomorrow is another day and who knows, maybe I will wake up to a nice cool morning.

"It Just Isn't That Bad"

2011-08-17T15:03:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up at 4:00 a.m. with a bad headache. Rich was getting his workout clothes on and heading to the gym. I took some pain relief pills, grabbed an ice pack and went back to bed. I need more than five hours of sleep to be productive. I had the whole bed to myself so I turned on the t.v. to see what uplifting news they were reporting. When the weather report came on they said it was already 92 degrees. Can that be right, at four in the morning? I was so sad I turned it off and went back to sleep. When I got up I decided to get out early and feed the animals for my own health. The dogs were already panting at the door so I turned the cooler on for them and when I got in the kitchen Rich was leaving for work. I had sweat pouring down my face, in my eyes and as I was bearing my testimony to him about how hot is was and I want to move SOMEWHERE else he said, "it just isn't that bad." Are you kidding me right now? So I've spent the rest of the day inside doing laundry, ironing ten of Rich's work shirts and decided to get started on a quilt for Trace. A few months ago when Mindi and Dave were getting ready for their baby we had to move Tristyn down to my house and rework the sleeping areas for the three boys. When we were looking at bedspreads for their beds at $50-$100 we decided to buy the sheets and just make comforters. That was three months ago. So on Monday I got the old quilting frames out and went to work. Hopefully we can get them done soon. Maybe we should have just spent the money and bought ones that were already made, but it's so hot and I'm surely not going outside anytime soon, so I'll just keep plugging away here in my house while Rich is out working in the, "it just isn't that bad," heat.

Tired of Being Tired

2011-08-15T10:16:00.000-07:00

For the last couple of days I've just felt tired. Not just physically tired but tired of everything. Sometimes I go through these moods where I need a change. I don't want to be me anymore. I don't want to live here anymore. I really don't know who, what or where I want to be or go, I just know that I'm tired of the status quo. Yesterday as I was getting ready for church I had my CD playing of Hillary Weeks. I love the messages in her songs and when the song "Come Take Your Place" started playing I couldn't stop the tears. The first time I heard this was on Kamber's video that was played at her viewing. I still haven't been able to watch it after three years, but I love the songs Ethan and Jenn picked for her. Anyway, as I was listening to the words some of them just popped out at me. Lyrics like, "there's a voice in your heart telling you who you are. You are the brave, the strong and the faithful, you've been saved for this moment in time. You hear the call, you feel the flame you're prepared, so come take your place." Then the final one was, "you are right where you belong." Huh! If I'm right where I belong then why isn't my life rainbows and butterflies? Then reality set in and I realized that this life is a test for all of us. Can I endure the trials I am given? Sometimes I feel a big fat NO but other times I just kind of shuffle around trying to do my best. I finally finished my little book "Embraced By The Light." At the very end after she talks about her near death experience she explains the most important message she got. "We are to love one another.We are to be kind, to be tolerant, to give generous service. It is simply a matter of following the Savior"s message which is, "Above all else, love one another." Maybe that's my answer to being tired, we'll see.

Could It Be Cooling Down?

2011-08-12T16:43:00.000-07:00

Mindi and I just got home from the grocery store, trying to get everything we need for Sunday dinner and the weekend. I hate shopping on Sat. it's way too busy for someone with social phobias. As we got out of the car we both noticed a slight cool breeze. What? A cool breeze in Arizona in August. The weather forecasters keep promising monsoon storms but sometimes I don't think they know what they're talking about. I told my cleaning girl I would do my house every other week so today I've been busy doing laundry, dishes, bathrooms and dusting. I'll finish the floors tomorrow when Rich is finished walking in and out a hundred times while working in the yard. I finished a little quilt for my precious Abney in Colorado. Her birthday is on Mon. so the package should get there by then. Spencer played in the first game of the season last night in Dallas. He gave me a call to tell me he had a good game and didn't get hurt. The game is going to be on TV tonight. I really need to work on my faith because every time I know he is traveling or playing I get so worried he will get hurt. This is a big year for him because it's the last year on his contract, so we a praying for a good healthy football season. My niece is getting married in Oct. so we are giving her a bridal shower in Sept. It makes me SO crazy when I know a bunch of people are coming to my house. I've been making mental notes for the last week on all that needs to get done before I can feel good about hosting this event. The one good thing about having a party here is that it gets Rich motivated to do all the stuff that has needed to be done for a long time. It's been almost a year since my hip surgery. Mindi and I were just talking about how hard it is living with chronic pain. Sometimes I wonder if it was the right thing to do. I don't think I really realized how hard it would be to recover. Mindi seems to think I would be in a wheelchair without the surgery, so if that's true then it was a success. I guess that's what life is all about, choices and consequences.

An Answer to a Simple Prayer

2011-08-10T14:24:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was a busy day with us doing last minute shopping at Kohl's and then the grocery store. I knew I was in trouble when it hurt to walk last night. As I was going to bed Candi called to tell me they were taking Dally Dog, who's four, to the hospital to get stitches after he hit his forehead on the edge of their pool. During the night I tossed and turned trying to get comfortable but I was in pain. I cancelled my appointment to get another cortisone shot because my pain has subsided a little bit, but I guess the shopping is just too hard on this old hip. This morning my friend came to swim and the water was really warm and felt good. As we were visiting I noticed that our two little Shih Tzu dogs weren't outside with the rest of the pack. I tried to call Mindi inside the house to tell her to let them out in back. I'm sure she was crazy busy trying to get the kids off to school, the first day of school is always way stressful. Anyway, to make a long story short after swimming I came to Mindi's to ask where the dogs were. She hadn't seen them since 4:00 a.m. this morning when she let them out back. I have noticed lately that sometimes they crawl under the gate and go outside to the front and head down the road, but we have always been able to call them back. Neither one of them have a collar, but Bella has a microchip, which doesn't really help unless you take them to a vet. Rich, his secretary Amber and Mindi all went out driving around the neighborhood looking for these two little brats, they didn't have any luck. I said a little prayer and decided I would go ahead with my scripture reading. I then picked up a book Candi gave me called "Embraced By The Light", by Beatty J. Eadie. It is about this girl who goes in for surgery and has a near death experience. I'm almost finished with it but the chapter I turned to was titled "Prayer." No kidding, as I was almost finished with that chapter my door bell rang. I went to the door and a darling young man was standing there with my puppy Alice, Bella was in his truck. I was so excited, told him he was an answer to my prayers and asked where he had found them. He told me they were at the Chevron Station on Guadalupe and Higley about a mile from our house. What a tender mercy to have these little wanderers back. In my prayers I was asking that someone would find them and if they couldn't find us, to give them a good home. I asked the young man how he knew to come to my house. All he said was that his Mom thought she had seen them on our street. I have been pondering this experience all day. Sometimes I don't feel like Heavenly Father listens to my prayers, if he did then why do I have to go through the trials I have? I do know that today a simple prayer was answered and I'm thankful for that.

Three Birthdays, Forgive and Forget?

2011-08-08T10:04:00.001-07:00

We spent almost all last week celebrating birthdays. We went to McDonalds with Major on Thurs. he's six, Tristyn to Red Robin on Friday, she turned thirteen and out to Candi's for swimming and a cook out on Sat. for Jenn who turned big 30. I took some really fun pictures of all the parties and when I went to put them in the computer I had forgotten to put the card back in the camera after my last pictures. I guess that's okay because Rich was giving me "crap" about all the picture taking I was doing, so there you go, No pictures. When we get together it gets quite loud and we sometimes get out of control. Some of my children love to antagonize me and Rich isn't usually there to come to my rescue. It is usually just in "fun" but I'm pretty sensitive about a lot of stuff, my critters, my jelly rolls, and my parenting skills or lack of. One time when we got together it was Kamber's first birthday. I remember how cute she looked with this huge bow in her hair. After we had eaten pizza, had cake and ice cream we were opening presents. I remember that Ethan was getting agitated because she was only one and couldn't really open her presents, she was tired and grouchy. He decided to just let all the other kids tear into the wrappings to hurry things along. Then the discussion turned to my animals and how I have a petting zoo in my back yard and I'm an animal hoarder. By the time everyone put in their "two cents" I was so hurt I started to cry. I just remember picking up my purse and going out to the car wanting to never come back. It took me a long time to forgive and put that experience behind me. On Sat. we were discussing this unfortunate event, four years ago. Some of my kids have forgotten it even happened, but I will forever remember how bad it made me feel. Why do I have such a hard time forgiving and forgetting? I blame it on being a Greer, it's been passed down in the DNA from my ancestors. Can I use that as an excuse? I know Rich has his favorite saying about me, "there isn't any forgiveness in this world or the world to come." Am I really that bad? I guess so. Anyway, I hope as I age and hopefully become a mature woman, I will mellow out and be able to laugh at myself a little more. I am pretty funny.

Quilting Inside, Depressing Heat

2011-08-03T12:55:00.000-07:00

When Rich called me yesterday on his way home from work he asked me if it was hot enough for me outside. I haven't really been anywhere since Monday so when he told me it was 113 degrees I felt sick for all the animals and people who are out in the heat all day. I invited a friend and her husband over to swim and when we got in the pool it felt like a sauna. The water had to have been at least 100 degrees, we didn't stay in long. When I complain to my Mom about the heat she tells me her sob story about how they didn't have air conditioning in the olden days. They slept outside with the scorpions and mosquitoes in the roasting heat. I can't believe it, but I know she wouldn't lie to me. Ethan brought the two dogs back that he's been feeding. They are so hot at his house that they are digging big holes in his lawn to try and get cool, so tonight I will have six dogs to feed, sounds fun. They just sit at my door and want in, we even have a cooler for them. Since I try and stay inside when the temps are over 110 I've been working on two quilts. I made a darling cupcake one for Mindi's baby and when she washed it the yarn I used to hold it together raveled, it looked horrible. So I have decided to try and start hand quilting them. It has been relaxing to sit and sew while I watch t.v. in the evening. I may need to learn how to use my machine to quilt because it is taking me forever to get one done. Life continues to come at me in record speed. We have three birthdays and a wedding reception this weekend. The kids start back to school next week. How can the summer be coming to an end already? It seems like we just celebrated Memorial Day and pretty soon it will be Labor Day. At least maybe the weather will cool down by then.

"Be Of Good Cheer"

2011-07-31T19:26:00.000-07:00

This weekend has gone by so fast. Rich has been busy at work and trying to get Candi and B.J.'s pool up and running. They have lived in the house for 18 months and finally closed the deal and are owners of a darling house. The previous owner built an "over the top" pool with a spa and waterfalls that have been hard to figure out. The pump broke the summer before they moved in so they are trying to solve one problem after another. Last night we all went out to swim but found them discouraged and overwhelmed. I still had fun swimming with the kids while they worked some of the kinks out. I continue to be in pain and keep hoping and praying for a miracle. Today in the third hour of church our Bishop and his wife gave a good lesson on "Being Of Good Cheer." Boy is it hard when struggling with adversity to be cheerful. I'm more of the "Debbie Downer"type than someone who sees the silver lining in every cloud, but I'm trying to do better. At times I know I don't use the Atonement to help me in my suffering maybe I need to work on that too. I sure have a lot of character flaws to try and work through before I'm called home. Tomorrow is little Gunnar's third birthday. He is a special little guy who was born a few hours after we buried Kamber. I hope he feels our love for him eventhough he's in Colorado. I remember the day he was born was such a sad day for us, a day we would never want to go through, but what a blessing he has been. He's even named after his angel cousin. We are getting a huge rain storm right now, that's a good thing because Rich forgot to sign us up for irrigation. Maybe the wind and rain will wash away some of my chickens, ha ha!

Max's Birthday, Pioneer Day, Missing Kamber

2011-07-25T12:37:00.000-07:00

Rich and I had a busy and emotional last couple of days. We spent all day Sat. working around the house and yard getting ready for Max's first birthday party. It's always fun to get together with all the kids, but lots of work. Sunday started with Rich's meetings at 6:00 a.m. I never have gotten a good answer for why they need to start so early, I guess it makes sense to them. I got my dinner ready, myself presentable and off to church we went. It was Pioneer Day so I knew the talks and music would be about the pioneers. As I sat in church thinking about all my ancestors who sacrificed everything to have religious freedom and made that terrible trip across the plains and mountains, I felt such reverence for them. How thankful I am to have been born in this time and not been asked to leave everything behind and come out West. Sundays are always a day to reflect on the spiritual things in our lives. Knowing that today would be the third year anniversary of the passing of our granddaughter Kamber found us emotional and a little out of sorts. It seems like the more time that passes makes it easier to accept but there is still that deep part in your heart that is empty. I got on the computer and read all I could on the death of little children, thinking it would help, it didn't. So this morning as I was reading my scriptures the thought kept coming in to my mind about the scripture that says, "I do not know the meaning of all things, but I know that God loves his children." (1 Nephi 11:17) So today I'm going to do things I know Kamber would want me to do. I'm going to try and be happy, no moping around feeling sorry for myself. I'm going to work on a quilt because she loved her quilts. I'm going to do as much as I can to live the commandments and to serve others. I look at Kamber as our little "pioneer" who is waiting for us to join her, if we are worthy, on the other side. I can't wait to see her and hug her and hopefully she will be proud of my efforts.

How Can Max Already Be One?

2011-07-23T11:25:00.000-07:00

Rich and I have been busy all morning getting our house and back yard ready for our HUGE BLOWOUT one year old birthday party for little Max tonight. He has gotten so big and is walking all around. He is also one of the sweetest babies I've ever been around. Hopefully the weather won't get bad, we never know in Arizona when the monsoon storms will hit. I'm starting to feel a little bit better with my hip, I think the shot must have helped. Also, after two nights of not sleeping because of the pain from the scorpion bite I had a better night last night. I took some pictures of my arm because I have never had such a bad reaction to a scorpion before. My arm swelled up to double in size and it was so red and painful I decided to take some antibiotics, hopefully they will help make it better. Mindi and I have been running errands like crazy. As we were coming home yesterday I realized just how much Mom's contribute to their families. I am amazed at how far behind you get when the mother is sick or "out of commission". We were so thankful for all the friends, family and ward members who brought in food and helped with the kids. I have such a strong testimony of the Relief Society Organization and all the service that is rendered on our behalf. We need to "Pay It Forward" now that we are kind of back to normal. Spencer and Annie made it back to Colorado safely, we are still hoping to have a football season, but are tired of worrying about it. Before they left I had Spencer and Rich give me a blessing. I have been so discouraged with the disability of being in constant pain and basically crippled. As I listened to the promises in the blessing I was told to "have courage to do what it takes to get well." If there are a couple of things I struggle with it is courage and faith that things will work out for me. The old "Debbie Downer" syndrome seems to fit me better, but I'm trying to do better, that's all I can do right now.

"I Have A Dark Cloud Following Me"

2011-07-21T10:18:00.000-07:00

Yesterday started out horrible with getting flooded out by our irrigation. As I looked out into my pond the turtles and fish were swimming in the yard because of the amount of water. I went out in the morning to find two fish gasping for air, I threw them back into the pond where my turtles decided they wanted to eat them. As I came in to talk to Rich he was on the phone with the bank because someone had taken our business card and bought $1000 worth of shoes and other purchases in England. Credit card fraud, wow that's a new challenge for us, one we haven't dealt with yet. Mindi and I got ready and went to the grocery store, something we haven't been able to do because of her bed rest, childbirth and then the death of her father-in-law. After the grocery store we ran a few more errands to purchase a light for my aquarium and some turtle food so my turtles would STOP eating my fish. By the time we got home we were melted. It was only 108 degrees but with the humidity it felt awful. Mindi had a friend come by and drop her kids off to play. With some other of the boys friends I bet we had at least thirteen kids swimming in the pool and running around going in and out of the house dripping water all over my wood floor. I was becoming more and more irritated as Rich was gone helping someone that has been dominating his time all week. How do people get their lives so screwed up? Anyway, I was lying on the couch watching "So You Think You Can Dance," no, I know I can't dance, when Rich came home and sat in the recliner and passed out. After the show we got up and went to the kitchen to get a drink, take my pills, and head to bed. All of a sudden I felt a horrible pain under my arm, I knew it was a scorpion, once you've been stung you never forget it. I started stripping down to my nothings as I was trying to find that bugger that was stinging the hell out of me. There I was standing topless in my kitchen while Rich ran and got a black light out of the garage to help find it. After going through all my clothes, we finally found it in the bottom of the garbage can, when I threw my clothes off it must have fallen in the trash. I have it in a glass jar trying to decide what would be the most painful way for him to die. As I was brushing my teeth getting ready for bed Rich said, "you know, you just have a dark cloud that follows you around wherever you go." I try and be a good person but it is true, trouble always seems to find me, like that little scorpion who must have crawled up my shirt while I was lying on my couch. Today I have found myself laughing at these little things that happen, I know it could be SO much worse, I lived through some trials that I never knew I could. I have a friend whose son was killed in a motorcycle accident a few years ago. Today is his birthday so my thoughts are with her today. Monday will be the third anniversary of Kamber's passing, someday that dark cloud will find somewhere else to go, that would be a happy day for me.

"Empty Nesting" = Lonely but Quiet

2011-07-16T17:22:00.000-07:00

Rich and I have been truly "empty nesters" this weekend. Mindi, Dave and the kids went to Willcox for the funeral of his Dad. Spencer and Annie went to Spokane for a football camp, and Candi and Ethan are busy working and spending time with their families. I have been alone most of the day with Rich busy trying to finish up jobs and do service wherever needed. He's now off to the Temple, so I'm trying to find somewhere to go so I'm not alone all evening. I went to the doctor on Thurs. to get my cortisone shot. I had prepared for the worst and had anxiety all day worrying about it. I was even warned by a friend that it "hurts like hell." On the way down to my appointment I was telling Mindi how scared I was and I hated being in this place of constant pain. She then reminded me that I had four children without any pain relief so certainly I can handle a little shot. The doctor put at least five different medications in a shot, sprayed my hip with a cold numbing agent and then started shooting the medicine in. I was totally prepared to rip Rich's arm off and say some really bad words, but you know it really didn't hurt. It was a little bit like a stinging sensation when the medicine went in and I had a warm feeling come across my arms but I was so happy to have gotten through it. The first night was almost total relief, other than the terrible headache that came on at 3:00 a.m. I think two of the drugs are numbing, it felt wonderful to be out of pain. He also told me that if I got some relief that was a good sign. I'm being "cautiously optimistic" hoping for the best. I have another appointment for August if this shot doesn't do the job I can have two more. I am thankful for doctors and modern medicine we are truly blessed to live in this time. I went to see my parents yesterday at their humble little house in Scottsdale. As we left I felt so blessed that they are still with us at 82 years old. They still live in their house and can take care of eachother, I hope they are with us for a long, long time.

Lunch and a Shot

2011-07-14T13:22:00.000-07:00

Mindi and I just got home from lunch with a good friend. She even payed, which was totally not expected but so appreciated. It was fun to get out of the house and have yummy Mexican food. This is the first time Mindi has had makeup on for a long time, she looks great for having an eleven day old baby. Her husband Dave and their boys left for Willcox yesterday. They got some sad news on Tues. evening that his Dad, Earl Moser had passed away suddenly. It makes me realize how fragile life is and how you never know when life will throw you a big fat curve ball that you have to try and deal with. Candi came over to color and cut all of our hair. It is always fun when the kids get together but very chaotic. With Tristyn at BYU volleyball camp and Jenn not bringing the girls over we had mostly boys. I wanted to take some before and after haircut pictures but they were enjoying playing video games and wanted me out of the way. I just love it when they have nice clean haircuts, they all look so cute. I'm beginning to think that there is no hope for healing for my hip, I've decided to go ahead and get a shot in it this afternoon. I really don't want to go through this but am pretty desperate at this time. I know there are many who are suffering from pain and heartache so I'm trying to be strong and know that I CAN DO HARD THINGS. We are expected to have trials to make us humble, so I guess I have to endure what comes my way, even though I hate it.

"Cheer Up, Things Could Be Worse"

2011-07-12T10:44:00.000-07:00

I wrote a post the other day and my computer froze up. It didn't matter what I did I couldn't get it to work. After shutting it down and reading what I wrote I decided it was too dark to publish. I don't know if I'm post partum, post menopausal or just plain post hip replacement. I've been struggling with constant pain for a long time now and it's beginning to cloud my outlook on life. It's not like I have a great love of life, but constant pain definitely makes me a little irritable and out of sorts. Spencer and Annie got here from Colorado, Candi and B.J. got back from the beach and Rich got home from Utah, where he spent three days with his sister going through his Mother's earthly possessions. I stayed here and tried to help Mindi, but sometimes feel I'm not much help. We had everyone over for dinner on Sunday, the first time I've had all my kids and grand kids together for a long time. Rich and I feel so blessed with our posterity but at times feel undeserving. This mortal life seems to have a way of trying to humble me but it seems like I just keep getting more and more bitter. I have such a hard time forgiving those hurts that I have gone through. I still suffer daily with the sadness of losing Kamber. Why can't I have faith that the past is what was meant to be? Spencer has offered to take me back to Colorado to get out of the heat and enjoy watching him play football, but when it's hard to even walk that doesn't sound fun either. I feel stuck between what I want to be doing and what I need to be doing. I have been told by professionals that I'm a very paradoxical person. That means I feel the absolute opposite about the same thing. It's confusing to live in a body where there is conflict everywhere. I was talking to my swimming friend about it the other day how life keeps getting more complicated as we age and how it would be so fun to be young again. Boy would we do things so much differently. I guess that isn't going to happen so I need to cheer up because my Dad always told me the little saying, "someone told me to cheer up, things could be worse, so I cheered up and sure enough things got worse."

"Principle of Compensation"

2011-07-04T09:42:00.000-07:00

Kids sitting on my bed waiting to go to the hospital

Tristyn and Mindi before Trulie was born

Baby Trulie

Mindi and her 5 kids

Grandma and Grandpa Larsen

I feel extremely grateful today to live in this great country. We had a spiritual day yesterday as Rich and I attended the Patriarchal Blessing of a friend. She is a darling girl who just joined the church in March. We are so proud of how she has embraced the gospel and is sharing it with others. After church we came home and fixed dinner for her and a friend she had brought to church, they seemed to enjoy a home cooked meal. While we were busy at church Mindi was home in labor. She wasn't saying much but did come down to eat a little bit before Dave took her to the hospital. I got a call at around 7:00 p.m. that she was there and dilated to a 5+ and they were going to check her in two hours before deciding if they would keep her because she was only 36 weeks. The next call we got was at 8:00 and she was already at a 7 and they were moving her into a room. The kids were all excited as we called family members to let them know the baby would be born soon. I really wanted Mindi to have her on the 4th of July, so we were encouraging her to just relax and take it slow. Well, at around 9 we got a call that she was in the 8-9 centimeter range so we gathered the kids and headed to the hospital. Rich stayed out in the waiting area with the three boys while Tristyn and I went in to see Mindi. The doctor came in and broke her water and helped the baby down a little bit and told her he would be back in a few minutes. I know Mindi had wanted to see if she could have it without an epidural but she said she was "dying" with the pain from the contractions. I reminded her that they don't give any "purple hearts" in delivery if you have a natural childbirth, be thankful for modern medicine. It was so nice to see her having labor pains and not feeling them. What I would have given for any pain killing help during my childbearing years, glad that's over forever! Rich and I had a bet that she would have her before 10:00 p.m. If I won, we go to Fuddruckers tonight for hamburgers instead of all the work cooking out. The doctor came in at 9:40 and I told him she had until 10:00 to have this baby or I would lose the bet. He looked at me like I was a space alien, but guess what? Trulie Ann Moser was born at 9:57 p.m. weighing in at 6 lbs. 5 ozs. 19 1/2 inches long. She looked great, had great color and her breathing was good for being four weeks early. This is number 15 for Rich and I, with Jenn we will be having our 16th, another girl in November. Last night when I got home from the hospital I couldn't sleep. I could remember how relieved I was when my babies were finally out of the womb. I know that Mindi wanted to have this last baby because of a special experience she had while holding Kamber for the last time. The confirmation that she had another girl spirit that needed to come to their family. It takes courage to do hard things, and Mindi can do hard things. As I went to sleep the quote by Elder Wirthlin kept coming into my mind. The "Principle of Compensation," which is, "The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundred fold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude." Today I am rejoicing and have gratitude for all those blessings I receive, and I know I don't deserve them, but am extremely thankful.

Snickerdoodles and Swimming

2011-06-30T12:37:00.000-07:00

I've been enjoying the great Arizona summer weather this week. It's only going to be 117 degrees this weekend, who wouldn't love to live here? Rich left early this morning to run up to Eagar to do a few things for my Dad at the cabin. I tried to go back to sleep but kept going over and over some thoughts in my head, so I decided to just get up and start my routine. I fed the dogs and got all the laundry together and the phone rang. It was my friend wanting to know if I was up to exercising in the pool. I don't think I've ever been swimming earlier than 7:00 a.m. but it was quite enjoyable. The water temps were around 88 degrees so we spent about an hour doing things that aren't possible on land and lots of visiting. Mindi's three little guys were up and saw me in my bathing suit so they joined us. While we were getting out of the pool Trace asked me if I knew how to make snickerdoodle cookies. I assured him I knew how and I would teach him how to make them, so he and Trent came down and we made a batch. Mindi called it a "Grandma bonding experience," whatever. Yesterday I got a call from a family member who was checking on me to see how I was surviving. After giving my sob story about how hard life is for me right now with the economy, Mindi on bed rest, the hideous heat, and my sadness of being so dependent on others, I got a little lecture. The main thing that matters in life is our relationships with others. I am in such a rut I don't even know what I could do that would make me happy. It's hard not to just give up and say to heck with it. I was thinking this morning about how simple things were years back. I felt in control and life was going well. Life always has a way of making you realize that we really aren't in control of any of this. Adversity is just part of this life and I need to do better at learning how to deal with it. I look around and I know it could be worse, I'm thankful for my little trials, not really, but I'm trying to be.

I Know I'm Crazy

2011-06-27T15:08:00.000-07:00

At almost sixty years old I wonder why my life seems to be like the movie "Groundhog Day," where I do the same things over and over again. These last few weeks I've been consumed with trying to figure out how to stop the insanity around me, I have some ideas but they all cost lots of money that I don't have right now. Last night as I was feeding my animals I could tell that one of my rabbits was having a really hard time. Rabbits are really sensitive to the heat, unlike a dog who pants to cool off, rabbits don't really have a cool down mechanism. When I woke up at 4 a.m. I decided when it got light I would go out and catch my rabbits and put them on the porch in cages in front of a cooler Rich has hooked up for them. When I finally pulled myself out of bed I went to Mindi's to recruit some helpers for my rabbit rescue. I only had one volunteer, Trace. He was a reluctant helper but with the promise of a Blizzard he went to help me catch rabbits and bring cages up on the porch. It took me at least two hours to get them all situated and I still didn't have my dishes or laundry even started. With the temps hovering around 115 degrees for the next few days my outlook on life has become quite grimm. From the Fall to Spring I can deal with all these animals but when the heat hits I wonder what the heck I'm doing having a petting zoo in my backyard at anytime. When I was down with my hip Mindi did all the feeding, now with her on bed rest it's my turn to keep the critters alive. I find myself resenting my kids who for two weeks are in California on the beach with the 60 degree temps. Ethan left his dogs for me to take care of and Candi left Major's goldfish to feed. We have about six acres in the White Mountains we could build a cabin on, but how can I leave my home and critters and sit in a rocking chair in the cool pines? I guess I'm venting, the heat takes a huge toll on my outlook on life, it's not just the heat. Oh well, we only have about four more months before it cools down a little bit, I survived this long I guess until I'm called home I'll be here doing what I do best, complaining.

"Adversity is Part of the Pattern"

2011-06-25T11:59:00.000-07:00

This week has been a bummer for me. Candi, Ethan and their families have gone to California to spend time with Candi's in-laws at the beach. Dave left Thurs. with the boys and his mom to San Diego to watch Trace play in a national football tournament there. Tristyn has been playing in a volleyball festival tournament all week in downtown Phoenix, so it's been a boring week. Yesterday I decided to shampoo some of my carpets that look a little dirty from all these animals, irrigation and kids I need to finish today and get my house put back together. I know I'm bored when I start deep cleaning. I still haven't heard from the doctor about my test results last week. I had a friend read the report to me but it meant nothing because I don't understand all the medical terms. All I know it that I'm tired of living in pain and being crippled. I've been getting in the pool as much as I can to try and see if the exercise will help it, but I'm not sure if it's helping or hurting. I may have to bite the bullet and go get a shot to relieve the pain so I can sleep. I'm fighting the discouragement that comes with having high expectations that haven't come to fruition. I'm almost finished reading the book "A Disciple's Life, The Biography of Neal A. Maxwell." The chapter I read this morning talked about all the different books he wrote. He wrote a lot about the Savior and how we need to strive to be more like him. He also wrote a lot about adversity. One of his quotes was, "adversity must be part of the pattern rather than always an aberration." He also wrote of the Atonement saying,"the full intensiveness of the Atonement involved bearing our pains, infirmities, and sicknesses as well as our sins." I have lots of sins, pains and infirmities so hopefully someday I will be able to overcome parts of myself that aren't working for me right now. Mindi has one more week until she can go off the medicine to stop her labor. I know she is getting tired of staying down because she is such a "go getter", she even wanted me to go with her to watch Tristyn play. I said, "are you kidding me right now? you only have one more week of this hell and then the real hell starts. Being up with a newborn all night." That sounds dreadful to me, I'm glad it's her having a baby and not me, but I can't wait to see this little precious spirit. I keep praying for her safe delivery and hope she will be strong enough to come home with Mindi from the hospital.

The Heat Is On, Super Hero Capes

2011-06-22T15:52:00.000-07:00

This is the time of year we all HATE living in Arizona. Up until now the weather has been bearable even below average, but we can always expect June to be horribly hot. I think it's suppose to be around 113 degrees today. This morning I got an early start on feeding the animals because I knew it was going to be a doozy. Ethan and Jenn had been nice and taken Mindi's kids for a couple of days so she could rest. The problem with that is I don't have any help feeding the herd. Anyway, as I got out I noticed that the mister for the chickens was broken, so with it being so hot I had Trace go in and lift it out for me to fix. While he was in the chicken coop he noticed five baby chicks under their mommas. Are you kidding me? I don't want anymore chickens! Yes, Ethan I know that if you have roosters you are going to have baby chicks, that's why I've separated the roosters from the hens, I guess it was a little bit too late. I ended up lucking out because Ethan was here working and he had one of his guys fix my misters so what little good it does to cool them down, I'm just hoping nothing dies. Last week when I talked to Spencer he asked me if I would make a cape for his sons Tyton and Gunnar. I am not the worlds best seamstress but I told him I would try. I went to the store last week and bought a pattern and some material and went to work. It took me a few hours for two days to make these capes. I guess they have been watching some movie about superheroes and that made them want capes. Tyton wanted a green one with the initial T on it, There are so many different shades of green and some of the colors were ugly and some of the material was crap, so Tristyn picked out this wild shade of green, I hope he likes it. For Gunnar I had bought some blue material but it looked so plain I decided to make his out of U of A material and lined it with the blue silky material. I have eight total grandsons so hopefully they won't all want a super hero cape, otherwise I'm in trouble. I guess it's a good thing Mindi is on bed rest because it sure is too hot to go outside and do anything until around October, wow that's a long time to be a shut in.

Surviving Father's Day

2011-06-20T12:49:00.000-07:00

Last Friday I asked a friend what she was doing for Father's Day. Her answer was, "nothing, I don't have a father, the only Father I have is my Heavenly Father." I then went on to ask her about her father and found out that he had passed away. I felt bad for her as she told me that he wasn't that great of a father to her when he was alive. Yesterday we had the whole clan over to celebrate with my Dad. He's 82 this year and has had prostate cancer the last nine years, so every year we have him for this holiday is a blessing. My relationship with my Dad is complicated as he was hard on me growing up, no doubt I deserved a lot of the discipline the was inflicted on me. I still don't think Fathers really know what affect they have on their children as they raise them. I'm thankful that my sons and son-in-laws are wonderful fathers and their children love them. Spencer had to speak in church yesterday, I wish I could have been there to listen to him, he's special to me. Last night as I was fighting the pain in the hip I barely got to sleep when Mindi came in to tell me she was going to the hospital. I know she did way too much yesterday and was having contractions every six to eight minutes. It is still too early for her to deliver this baby so they gave her two shots to stop the labor and hopefully stall the birth for a couple of weeks. Life seems so challenging for me right now as I'm trying to help Mindi, help myself, and deal with some disappointing relationships in my life. Every time we get together is a reminder that someone is missing and I hate it. Hopefully in time it will get easier as I move on through the trials I've been given to endure.

Mustard Seed of Faith

2011-06-17T13:48:00.000-07:00

I've been having so much fun this week it's been hard to find time to stop to write my feelings down. Do you believe that? Anyway, it's scary to see just how fast the time is going by for me. Mindi is still in bed and hopefully we can make it through a couple more weeks so the baby won't have to be in the NICU at all. We are hoping she will be able to come home with Mindi from the hospital, that's our prayer for her. Last week when I went to the doctor they gave me a few things that could be going on in my hip. They suggested a shot of pain reliever in my joint but I let the fear get to me and wouldn't let them do it. After suffering all week I am disappointed that I let fear govern my life, I should have had the shot. On Wed. I went and had a bone scan. There again, I was so afraid that it would hurt and I was so scared. My darling cousin works at EVDI and she does this test so it was so nice to go and have her explain everything to me. Other than a little shot to put in the isotopes, the test was a breeze. The doctor hasn't called but hopefully they didn't find anything too alarming. I'm praying about that too, I really don't want to go through another surgery. I have such a simple life, because of my anxiety I don't drive and with Mindi down I'm basically a "shut in." When I went to get my test I was amazed at all the people going in and out of that place. I realized that it isn't just me who is suffering, there are hundreds of others going through their own troubles. There was an elderly man who was going in for the same test I was who had his leg amputated. He was having problems with his prosthetic leg hurting him so they were looking at a spot on the stump of his leg. There was also a woman who had already had both hips and knees done with great success except this last knee is giving her problems. As I was lying in bed Wed. night I realized how easy it is to be all consumed with our own trials without thinking of just how many others are suffering too. My friend came over and we were exercising in the pool. Her son was killed in a motorcycle accident a few years ago. We were talking about childbirth, surgeries and losing a child. All these challenges give us experience and education that otherwise we wouldn't have gotten. We decided that unless someone has "been there, done that, and gotten the T shirt," you really can't understand or comprehend what others are going through. I know I've been told many, many times that I have NO FAITH. I try to use my little mustard seed of faith, but I continue to struggle in the "things will work out for my good," category. Some day I hope to be able to see the big picture and realize that life is an experience I was sent her to live and learn as much as I can before going home.

Shower, Doctor, The Atonement

2011-06-12T14:38:00.000-07:00

Food table at the shower
Mindi at the punch bowl
Mell, Candi and Jessica

The weeks are going by so fast it becomes a blurr to me. My life is truly passing me by as I struggle to keep up with everything that needs to be done. Last Thurs. a few family members and friends threw Mindi a simple little surprise baby shower. She is suppose to be on bed rest so we were all worried it may not happen, but she was able to come and feel the love of those who came to support her. This is her fifth baby so she wasn't that keen on having a shower, but because it has been thirteen years since her last baby girl, she didn't have anything pink. Thank you to everyone who supported her and all the work that was done on her behalf. Before the shower I had a doctors appointment to try to find out why the pain continues to make my life a living hell. They took an x-ray and then gave me some "maybe causes" and "maybe solutions," but as I left the doctor's office my head was spinning. No I didn't want a shot in my hip to take the pain out if it was bursitis. No I don't want to get a bone scan to see if maybe the lining of the new hip has slipped out of place or my bone hasn't healed onto the metal hip causing scar tissue to form. For sure NO I don't want to go into surgery to fix this $25,000 replacement part that I had hoped would be the answer to my crippleness and even my grouchiness. Are those even words? Anyway, it is frustrating when you go through something as hard as a major surgery and at times don't see any improvement. I know I need lots of prayers and personal revelation before I will go through that again. The problem is that it may come down to can I live like this for the rest of my life? Or is it so bad I'm willing to go back into surgery? Today in church it was all on the Atonement. I'm not a scriptorium or a genius when it comes to understanding this subject. It sounds so simple when you hear someone say that the Savior has suffered for all the pains, sicknesses, sins, heartache, disappointments and even the loss of our beloved Kamber. I have a hard time grasping that concept even though I have a testimony of it's truth. One of the statements made was that when we go through trials we can "either become more humble and grateful or we can become bitter." I'm trying really hard to not be bitter but at times I must admit that's the way I roll.I know everyone is going through some trial and I'm thankful for my own personal struggles, hopefully I'm learning what I need to before I return home from where I came. One of the quotes from church was "sadness and fear will be replaced with joy and peace if we put or trust in our Savior Jesus Christ." That's what I'm striving for this week.

Life's Little Challenges, I Love It

2011-06-07T12:50:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning a friend of mine came over and we exercised in the pool. When I'm in the water it's fun to be able to walk and move freely, something that is difficult on land. After she left I was busy doing my five loads of laundry and cleaning up my kitchen from Sunday dinner. At about noon I started getting the worst headache and my arms, neck and back were aching. I even felt like I was running a fever. I spent the rest of the day self medicating myself with pain relievers and a nap. I was happy when these symptoms went away at around 9:00 p.m. when I took a hot bath and went to bed. This morning I went with Candi to run errands. She has me go with her to sit in the car with her boys while she runs in to different beauty supplies to stock up on stuff for work. We are both really passionate people and because we are SO much alike, in some areas, it can get quite loud in the car. When you add in three little boys fighting over blocks and whining it was quite an experience. I'm always glad to get home and go in to my quilting room and work on a project. This week I'm concentrating on getting Mindi's soon to be born baby her quilts and wardrobe put together. This is the third baby she has been put on bed rest because of pre-term labor scares. I hope the last. When I was having babies I got so big that when I couldn't take it any longer I got brave and downed the castor oil, hoping to bring on labor. Now I worry everyday that this little spirit will be born too soon and with that comes complications I don't want to deal with. Jenn is also having a little problem with her pregnancy with some unwanted bleeding so we are praying for her. This experience we call mortal life can be quite challenging for me. I ask myself all the time if it's just me or is everyone going through stuff that tests their faith and testimony. Maybe it's the "you are the most negative person on earth" syndrome that makes my head spin. Whatever it is I wish I could change it because my life would be way easier, oh I forgot it's suppose to be hard right?

Another Day in "Paradise"

2011-06-04T15:18:00.000-07:00

Life has been crazy for me the last couple of weeks. We have had four parties at my house and even though it's lots of fun it's also a lot of work. This morning as I was stripping the sheets off my bed to put in the wash I was having a little pity party in my mind. I had woken up at 5:oo a.m. to two hungry puppies and a list of chores a mile long to get done today. I was having so many negative thoughts about my situation right now, I was making myself crazy. Rich and Dave are super busy trying to keep us in our house and food on the table and Mindi and I are trying to keep things under control here at home. Mindi needs to stay down as much as possible to keep from going in to labor and being hospitalized. If that happens I WILL be "out of control." Last night I needed to go to the grocery store and Rich had promised he would take me. When he got home from working a ten hour day he looked so tired and said, "if we are going we need to go now because I'm out of gas." I hate going food shopping with a guy who is tired and grouchy and not really wanting to go, I was sure a fight would happen. So I called a good friend of mine and asked if she minded taking me. It was fun visiting with her and I so appreciated her willingness to help me. As I was going through all my challenges I started thinking about all the people in Northern Arizona who are going through a terrible trial with the forest fire. They are evacuating hundreds of people and don't know when they will be able to get this huge fire under control. The thought came in to my mind, "at least you still have a home." Everywhere I look there are trials and challenges, I guess that is what this mortal life is all about. I never have been a big fan of adversity but it seems to like me. Anyway, today is just another one of those days in "Paradise."

No More Animals for Me!

2011-06-02T11:46:00.001-07:00

After the stress of these last few days I can see why some people choose not to have animals. Besides my usual chickens, rabbits turtles and fish, we have been dog and bird sitting for some friends in our ward. They are going to be gone for three weeks on vacation, so I need to suck it up and try to get through the remaining two. The problem is we have five puppies and three adult dogs plus one who comes during the day to play while her owner works. It is challenging to try and keep the puppies safe from the dangers that lurk outside, plus make sure the big dogs don't bother them. Yesterday morning I woke up to some strange howling noise in the backyard. I looked out my bathroom window to find one of the baby golden retrievers in my fish pond. He must have fallen in and then when he tried to get out got stuck between two rocks. So out I went in my nightgown trudging through the sprinklers to pull him to safety. He was now a green dog because of the algae in the pond so I needed to give him a bath. That put me in a bad mood the rest of the day even though it was Candi's birthday and we would be celebrating with her. After the shindig of a party I had Rich and Dave make a fence to keep the big puppies out of danger and Mindi brought the little Shih Tzus in her house. What a pain in the butt these little guys are, Bella is tired of nursing them so they just follow her around whining. Mindi is suppose to be on bed rest so that makes it even harder trying to make the kids help and keep her down. Hopefully we will be able to handle this without loss of life or limb, say a prayer for us.

Memorial Day 2011

2011-05-30T10:34:00.000-07:00

Today is Memorial Day 2011. This holiday used to represent the start of summer vacation and very hot weather, but for the last three years it has taken on a whole new meaning for me. Our extended family always get together at the Mesa Cemetery on Sunday evening to decorate the graves of our ancestors who have passed through the veil to the spirit world. Last evening as we drove in to the cemetery it was so peaceful. The wind was blowing and our family were gathering. After a few hugs we started on our trek. We met at my beloved Grandma Fern's grave and the little kids were so excited to clean it off and place flowers there. We sang the hymn "High On A Mountain Top" as a tribute to her. Everyone else went on and I walked back to the truck to sit with my Dad because walking has become painful again for me with this darn hip. We had a good visit wondering if these special people in our lives were "hanging out" at the cemetery or if they were mindful of our efforts. It was interesting as we talked to realize that someday my Dad and I would be buried there and hopefully the kids and grand kids would have some nice things to say about us. After the gang got back we had refreshments. Everyone brings their favorite treats and we have a fun time mingling with hugs and laughter. When Rich got back he drove me over to see Kamber's grave. It was quiet with the cool breeze in my face. I miss her so much, but am aware of our Heavenly Father's Plan to be together again at some point. As we drove through the cemetery looking at all the American flags blowing I felt so much gratitude for everything in my life, all those liberties we enjoy as Americans but sometimes take for granted. Mindi has been put on bed rest for the remainder of her pregnancy. I have been trying to do my best to help her with the laundry and Candi was nice to take me to the grocery store on Saturday. Hopefully we can make it through the next five weeks so her baby can be born strong enough to survive. I know it is frustrating for her to not be up doing all the chores she does and it's time for her kids to step in and grow up and learn to "Put Your Shoulder To The Wheel" and move along helping and serving as much as they can.

Birthday, Conference and Tender Mercies

2011-05-23T11:34:00.000-07:00

Thanks to everyone who called and thought of me on my birthday, it was actually really nice to have a Sunday birthday. I'm always glad when the calender flips to the 23rd. We had the family all over for dinner and that's always a ton of fun, very LOUD, but the grand kids love it. I have spent two hours cleaning up my kitchen, that's okay I'm just thankful I feel well enough to work in my house. Jenn is doing better but Mindi just went to the doctor and is having pre-term labor. She needs to stay down and stop lifting or doing anything strenuous, she needs at least six or seven more weeks to have a healthy baby. We had Stake Conference this weekend and the messages were good. They talked lots about service, temple work, and adversity, all things I need to work on. I felt the spirit and know what I felt was inspiration to change things in my life.

I hope to have some time this week to work on my quilts. I have always wondered why I enjoy working on these little labors of love. Well my Dad recently went up to the White Mountains and brought back a quilt that my grandmother made, he brought it over to me yesterday. I guess she won some blue ribbons for the work she had done on it. It also survived a fire that destroyed their house, there are a few dark spots from the smoke that got into the chest it was kept in but otherwise it lookss really good. My Dad wanted me to have it and as I was looking at it I could see all the tiny hand sewn stitches of my Grandmother. I don't think she used a sewing machine it looks all hand stitched. I also couldn't stop thinking the odds of it being purple and white, Kamber's favorite colors. Maybe this is one of those tender mercies we talk about all the time, if it is, thank you.

What The Heck!

2011-05-20T19:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a busy and stressful day for me. I had decided to make tamales and that took all morning to mix the masa, roll them and get them cooked. Thank heavens Mindi came down to help. I got a call from Spencer wanting to take me to lunch for my birthday. That would have been fun but I was up to my eyeballs in tamales. He ended up just picking me up a burger and we had a nice little visit before he loaded up his dog Trixie and headed back to Colorado. In the mean time, Candi called asking if we could watch her boys while they went to sign on their new home, it has taken 18 months to finalize this deal. Mindi needed to run to the store to get some supplies for Dave and Trace as they were leaving for the Grand Canyon at ten o'clock last night arriving home tonight. It was also Rich's birthday but he spent it at the Temple and working, so that was just fine with us. During the day yesterday I got a little wave of nausea moving through but just thought it was the stress I was under. This morning when I woke up at 4:45 a.m. I was so sick. I had the "GREAT GAMBOO" and have been in bed all day except for getting up to the bathroom or to get a drink. What the heck is wrong with me that I keep getting all these weird flu symptoms? As I was lying in bed this morning not able to eat, Ethan called asking if I could go to their house and watch the kids because Jenn, who is a few months pregnant was bleeding and needed to go to the doctor. I was glad when they found someone else and even more relieved when he called to tell me the baby is okay and she needs to just take it easy for a couple of days. I don't know how people do it that have more than four kids and almost sixteen grand kids, it seems like there is always some one who needs help. I finally decided that I should get up and walk around the house hopefully to prevent bed sores and get my mind off of my symptoms. Hopefully I will feel way better tomorrow, we have a big weekend with Stake Conference and my birthday extravaganza, ha, ha! I hate getting old.

Remembering Johnny Lingo

2011-05-18T12:41:00.001-07:00

When I was a young girl growing up I loved to watch the movie "Johnny Lingo." It's about a shrewd Polynesian trader who comes to one island to bargain for a girl to be his wife. Her name is Mahana and was considered ugly and undesirable by her neighbors and even her father. As Johnny Lingo negotiates with her father she is hiding in a hut so shy and scared while the village people make fun of her. Anyway, to make a long story short he ends up offering her father "eight cows" for her hand in marriage which was considered a very high price. The villagers didn't think he would show up with the cows but he brought all eight of the them and off he went with his Mahana who he had loved since childhood. Because of the way he treated her she became a very beautiful woman. I was sitting in church last week and these memories of this little movie that I had seen at least twenty times kept coming in to my mind. What we say and how we treat others can make a difference in their self worth. I know at times I compare my life to those around me and wonder what is wrong with me? Why don't I have what they have? Why don't I feel the same way as them? I was talking to a family member who I absolutely adore the other day. They are extremely disappointed and feeling like giving up on life. Oh how I've been there many times. As I was giving my little pep talk I was really talking to myself. I heard my Mother's words about how "everything will work out" and we have to "keep hoeing to the end of the row," "look at how bad the pioneers had it."I guess that just means we have to keep plugging along in life until we can finally see the big picture, eternity. I don't know why this little movie made such an impression on me, I guess I've always struggled with a lack of self esteem and this gave me hope that some day I would be able to realize that I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father who knows and loves me the way I am. That gives me hope.

No Pain We Suffer Is Wasted

2011-05-16T15:51:00.000-07:00

I hate being in pain. I was told once by a counselor that as human beings we will do anything to get relief from pain. During this earthly life we all experience different kinds of pain, some physical, some emotional and others including psychological and mental. Last week I got in the pool twice to exercise this new metal hip that is now 8 months old. Spencer even tried to convince me that pain is good, it means I'm working hard. After sitting for three hours in church yesterday I was up all night with just a dull aching pain. I don't even remember sleeping at all, but I'm sure there was a short time of snoozing. I can honestly say that I would rather be in physical pain than some of the others I have experienced. During childbirth I remember begging the doctors to help give me something to relieve the agony of labor, but they always gave me an excuse. This April Conference, in a talk there was a quote by Elder Orson F. Whitney who wrote: "No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. It is through our sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation that we gain the education that we come here to acquire." So as I struggle with the everyday ups and downs hopefully I'm gaining that education I've come here to get.

It Could Be Worse!

2011-05-13T11:17:00.000-07:00

I had a good day yesterday. Spencer, Annie and the kids made it home from Colorado and came over to visit. We decided to brave the cold water in the pool and he helped me exercise my hip. I got the lecture about how my hip won't get better unless I put in the work rehabbing it, yada yada. Anyway, after they left Mindi got a call that Dave's truck was broken down and he needed a ride while they towed it to the garage for repairs. When Rich got home we worked on the pool pump that isn't working right. After taking it apart we found six small rocks and some leaves that were plugging it up. It still needs some more work but we were tired. Then last night as I was getting in to bed I stepped in something cold and wet. I threw a towel on the floor and would deal with it this morning. When I got up I saw that in my bathroom there was a bubble on the drywall and the carpet soaked. Obviously we have a leak in a pipe in the wall. Are you kidding me, again? When I showed Rich he cut all the drywall back, pulled up the carpet and put a fan blowing under it. What else can possibly go wrong today? We are staying home all day, which is a good thing because funds are slim right now. It's really hard to not get discouraged when everything seems to be either broken or worn out. I have learned from experience that my life goes through cycles of good and bad, happy and sad, rich and poor, actually I've never been rich so I wouldn't know what that feels like. As I was complaining about all my problems my Mom has her usual, "things will all work out," encouragement. Even if they don't work out the way I want, what can I do about it? Then Rich's secretary said, "I guess it could be worse," yeh, I'm sure it could and probably will. At least it's Friday and the end to another wonderful week.

I Survived Mother's Day!

2011-05-10T08:08:00.000-07:00

On our way to church.

I spent all day Monday in bed with something. I don't know if it was a virus or just the overdose of chocolate from Mother's Day, but I was sure sick. All it takes is one day in bed to make me appreciate the days I actually get up and accomplish something. I didn't even get the dishes done left over from Sunday until this morning, so I'm glad to be feeling better. I had a good day on Sunday, it's always nice when your children make an effort to make you feel loved. Candi took me out to lunch on Saturday and did my hair. She is a doll. I heard from Spencer and he will be traveling home tomorrow. Mindi and Ethan both gave me nice gifts, I love them all. We had some family and friends over for dinner and when we were getting all the food out I remembered I had forgotten to take out rolls to rise and cook. Mindi forgot too, she's pregnant but I have NO excuses except old age. After dinner the extended family came to see my Mom. It gets kind of chaotic but the kids have lots of fun together. I only had a few times during the day that were sad and the tears flowed. The young men and their leaders sang in church, it was touching. As I was listening to the Music and the Spoken Word he said this is a "Tribute to Mothers" I felt the tears start to flow. What about all those mothers who have lost children? I lost a pregnancy, that was hard, but my thoughts turned to those mothers whose children have gone back to Heaven and those women who so desperately want to be mothers but for some reason will never on this earth give birth or have the opportunity to be a mother. I do know that our Heavenly Father knows us and loves each of us. I believe that if we live the commandments we will be blessed with all the righteous desires of our hearts. While all the family were here I decided to take pictures of all the girls, from my 81 year old Mother to the smallest little niece. These are the next generation of mothers in our family. Each one of them are so special to me.

All of the mothers and older future mothers

These are the younger future mothers.

Preparing for Mother's Day

2011-05-06T12:02:00.000-07:00

I am making the final preparations to have the family over for my MOST favorite day of the year, Mother's Day. I'm trying really hard to have a good attitude and get through this weekend without sinking into the abyss. My house is clean, the lawn mowed and Mindi and I will soon be walking through the grocery store getting what we need to entertain on Sunday. Our group won't be that big, thank heavens. With Len and Julie gone and some of the other family members estranged, it will just be my parents, my kids and grand kids, my sister and her husband and Jenn's Mom and sister for dinner. Remember the days when the husbands tried to fix dinner for us? In the Greer/Larsen family that didn't work so well, so us girls plan what the heck we want to eat and do it the way we want it done. I hope the guys don't mind, ha ha! After dinner the rest of the cousins will come to see Mom and have dessert. We are so thankful to have her and my Dad with us. My sister and I went shopping for her last week and as we walked through Bed Bath and Beyond we were laughing at how our Mother probably wouldn't use our gifts, she likes the old school way of doing things, but it's the thought that counts. We went to Dillard's and bought her a purple and white blouse, we even paid full price, something I never do. I just felt it would be wrong to get something on clearance for this special person. I talked to Spencer this morning, they will be coming next week but leaving before my birthday. I'm not holding my breath because he's told me several times he was coming but his plans can quickly change. My thoughts this week have been on all the special women in my life who I admire. All of them have gone through some terrible adversities but kept on plugging away living the gospel and keeping the commandments. I hope to be worthy to see them on the other side, hopefully Kamber will be with them, I know they love her too.

What Is Happiness Anyway?

2011-05-04T13:22:00.001-07:00

When I went outside this morning to feed my animals I looked around and had such gratitude for all my blessings. Then the thought came to me, with all these blessings why do I struggle so bad with being happy? What really is HAPPINESS? I know for me, I've spent the majority of my adult life trying to find something or someone that could make me feel joyous, but no matter what I buy or what I do, nothing seems to fill up that desire for happiness that I so desperately want. I have noticed that since Kamber passed away and I had my hip surgery, my mood has been even more dreary than it was before. As a child my parents, especially my Mother, would always quote scriptures to me about if we live the commandments our Heavenly Father will bless us. I don't ever really remember her telling me that some of the things I would go through like childbirth, raising children, trying to get along with a spouse, or losing a grandchild would test me to my very core. I know we aren't suppose to compare our situations to others but darn it, does everyone have these days that make us wonder what in the heck is going on? Life can be brutal but no matter how bad I think it is I know my life is so much better than the majority of people on this earth. So, I have come to this wonderful conclusion that I am the only one that can make me happy. I've given everyone else a chance and that hasn't worked so I will have to figure it out by myself. I want be able to make some changes in my life that will help me on this discovery. I don't know where this road will lead me, maybe just in to take a nap, but hopefully some day I will be able to find the gifts I have within me to bring the happiness I'm searching for.

Shopping for Mother's Day

2011-04-30T19:05:00.000-07:00

I've spent most of this week shopping. I started at the grocery store on Monday, and then we've been to fabric and scrapbooking stores and then yesterday and today I've been at the malls trying to find gifts for Mother's Day. Last night Mindi and I took Tristyn to some of her favorite stores. She is so picky we decided that we wouldn't give our opinions because FOR SURE if we liked it she would hate it. While driving to the mall I realized this would be the first year I wouldn't be buying anything for Rich's Mom, Beth. Her birthday is this week on the 4th of May so I would always mail something to her for both holidays. She passed away a few months ago, we will certainly miss her this year. I was saddened this week as I talked to a friend of mine who has never had any children. I listened as she told me how she hates Mother's Day and it shouldn't be on a Sunday because when she goes to church all they talk about is Mothers. I have a wonderful cousin who has never been married or had children but she is the best sister and "auntie" anyone could ever want. I'm not a big fan of this day but not because I don't have any children or grandchildren, but because sometimes I feel like I was a failure in my parenting. I do believe that we as women whether married or single, mothers or not, do our very best to be good examples to those around us. This afternoon my sister Mell and I went shopping for our Mother. With Len and Julie on a mission and my other sibling going through some rough times, it is just the two of us trying to find a gift to represent our love and appreciation for her. What could we possibly buy at the mall that would even put a dent in all she has done for us? Without her sacrifice we wouldn't be where we are today. She was not only a school teacher but she taught us the gospel. One of her favorite sayings to me is "Teri, what would the Savior do?" Hopefully some day I can be that person she would want me to be.

Searching for the Light

2011-04-27T17:43:00.000-07:00

Rich turned to me the other morning and asked me if I thought I needed to get on some medication. What, the twenty pills I take a day aren't enough? I can laugh about it now but at the time I was in a deep dark hole not knowing if I could ever crawl out. I know that life is suppose to teach us to be more like the Savior and be tested as to what kind of life we will live, but some trials are enough to put us under. I know there are things that are happening in the world that are so horrible I don't even want to think about the starving people in Africa and the homeless ones in Japan. Where is the JOY we are promised? I feel guilty because sometimes I'm just overwhelmed with getting my dishes done and my laundry put away. I worry about my parents as they move into their 80's, how much longer will they be around? What about the nasty world my grandchildren are going to live in? When will the NFL and the players stop acting like babies and get a deal done? Yesterday my Mom called to try and pull me up out of the dungeon. She wanted to know if I was practicing my piano. I took five years of piano lessons but when she finally realized it was a waste of her money she let me quit. Oh how I wish I could play those hymns and primary songs I love so much. Maybe that would be good therapy for me. I did have success playing high school and college volleyball but after knee injuries and childbirth that was over too. Next week is Mother's Day one of my most favorite days, right up there with my Birthday. Yippee! That's coming soon also. I know there is a light out there somewhere, it's my responsibility to search for it and hopefully find it some day.

Blessings of Easter

2011-04-23T16:11:00.000-07:00

Brookie with one of the puppies

Kylie

Tayler and Max

Life continues to show me that it's a test to be on this earth trying to survive the trials I'm given and work through some very hard emotional stuff. I felt life was hard before but now with the passing of Kamber it seems like I have a big dark hole in my heart that won't heal, no matter how hard I try. Anyway, Ethan called to ask if I could watch the kids while he and Jenn went to the funeral of an Aunt of hers. So I got to spend the morning with the Larsen children. It was so fun to have them over. First we went to hold the puppies which Tayler and Kylie were totally good about being careful. Brookie wanted to hold them but if they made a noise or moved a little bit she would just drop them. Max wasn't interested so he just crawled around playing with toys. As Ethan left he invited me to go to the cemetery with them to decorate Kamber's grave for Easter, so while I was babysitting I was also trying to get showered and dressed. It's a good thing I can still multi-task. Kylie decided to go outside and cut some roses, she and Tayler made some amazing bouquets. We went to the cemetery and met Jenn's Mom Madeline there. I can honestly say I haven't ever been to the cemetery on or around Easter before. There was a cool breeze blowing and it was so peaceful there. It amazes me to see all the ways to decorate a grave and it was fun to see how creative people are. We took some pictures and came home stopping to get some lunch on the way. My sister came by to get me and we went shopping for Easter clothes. When we were kids my Mom always got us a new dress to wear to church on Easter Sunday. We hit a couple of stores but I didn't find anything that I loved, so I'm hoping for another chance to go to the Mall with Mindi and Tristyn tonight. I know that the clothes aren't important to celebrate Easter, I'm so thankful for my testimony that Christ lived and gave his life for me, without the Atonement there would be no hope to see those family members again and to live with them on the other side. We are getting together tomorrow for Easter dinner, that's what life's all about!

Ethan and the girls, Max was asleep in the car

Darling me and Madeline

Paying It Forward

2011-04-19T15:27:00.001-07:00

We had a nice anniversary, Rich fixed the pump in my pond, picked some roses and took me to the Ward Mexican Fiesta for dinner. It was a fun day but I was so tired from being up most of the night with Bella giving birth, all I wanted was some sleep. I spent most of yesterday sewing a little skirt for Brookie. I found the pattern while shopping for material for Mindi's new baby due this summer. It felt so good to just relax and be creative, but I felt guilty for not wanting to do all the other household chores. I told Mindi today that I'm just burned out. Thirty-five years of cleaning house, doing laundry, mowing yards, and raising kids has taken a toll on my body and my sanity. I find myself becoming annoyed more easily, and just the little things seem to get to me. We talked about charity last week in RS and then this Sunday it was about being honest. After I left church I realized that I try to be an honest person, but I struggle with charity sometimes. Mindi and I decided to make some spring wreaths for some of our favorite people, so off we went to Hobby Lobby, Michael's and then finally Jo Ann's. As we were pulling out of Hobby Lobby there was a guy in a big truck getting his wheelchair out. He had a remote that moved his chair out so he could get in. I was so impressed that he was all alone and obviously he couldn't walk by himself. Mindi said, "see Mom, it could be a lot worse." I then said, "that's the problem it probably is going to get worse." At Michael's I just sat in the car with Troy because he was in need of a nap. While I was people watching I noticed several ladies coming out with canes, walkers and others just limping. It's interesting that when you have a disability you notice others who might have the same challenges. I think my expectations were different than what I got out of my surgery. When I complain my Mom just says, "but at least you are out of pain." Yes, most of the pain is gone, but I can't walk very well, and that gets me down. This weekend we had two more drownings and two others who were rescued. This always puts me in a dark place. You go down that road again knowing this time how these families feel. Ethan and Jenn have started a non profit to make caskets for children who pass away. We are busy trying to come up with ideas to raise money to help pay for these "labors of love." We were helped by so many friends, family and ward members that we want to "pay it forward" so other families can feel our love and support for them. Life is short and we never know when something will happen to someone we love. So I guess it's time to cheer up and start working.

35 Years Together and 5 Puppies Born

2011-04-16T12:15:00.001-07:00

The other day I was talking to a friend of mine about how old we are getting. In two years I will be 60 and then if I live twelve more I will be 70. How can that be? It seems like my life is going by so fast. Two months ago Mindi decided to bring a little male to breed with her female Shih Tzu Bella. As we were looking at the calendar we realized she would have her puppies on Rich and My 35th wedding anniversary today. Yesterday we couldn't find Bella all day long. This little dog usually follows us around begging for food but she was acting strange. We finally found her under the boys bed and sure enough she was in labor. So Mindi, Tristyn and I were up until 2:30 this morning helping deliver her puppies. She had the first two really fast and then we waited and waited for the third. She had the last one at around 2 a.m. To say that I am tired is an understatement. I'm too old to be delivering puppies until late in the night. The third one was so cute I decided to keep her. A few hours after she was born Tristyn picked her up and she was limp and not breathing. I tried to stimulate her and breath close to her nose and mouth in hopes she would make it. She gasped for about an hour and we really thought she would make it but she never did get warm and breath normally. So she had five puppies and we have four that lived. It will be easy to remember the date they were born because of it being our anniversary. I brought my wedding album out, I do it at least once a year, it's hard when you don't recognize the people in the photos. I hope when I die my spirit will look like I did when I was 22, tan athletic and strong. Life seems to take a toll when you get out into the "lone and dreary world." Anyway, I'm happy for every year Rich has been able to put up with my PMS, postpartum, animal hoarding behavior. I've had to put up with some of his little faults too. I guess we deserve each other, that is the only reason I can think of that we would put up with each other, that and our deep love. Anyway, we made it through another year, sometimes we don't know why it seems so hard, but I'm thankful for all the lessons learned from this experience. Our posterity is growing with soon to be 16 grand kids added to our wonderful four children and their spouses. How can life get better than this?

Easter Pagaent Message

2011-04-14T14:17:00.000-07:00

Rich Damir and Hamra at the Easter Pageant

On Tues. morning Rich informed me that he had invited a friend of his to come to the Easter Pageant at the Mesa Temple. At first I told him I didn't know if I would be able to walk that far or sit on the hard metal chairs in the cold. As the day progressed I kept hoping they would call to say they couldn't make it so I could stay home and watch the"Biggest Loser." Well, at 6:00 p.m. they called Rich to say they were five minutes away from our house. So, off we went Rich and I and Damir and his girlfriend Hamra. Damir used to work for Rich, he had recently come to the U.S. from Bosnia. But three years ago he was riding a motorcycle without a helmet and hit some railroad ties that had been buried in the road. He was thrown off his motorcycle and hit his head on a rock in the road causing severe brain damage. I remember Rich going to the hospital to see him and coming home so sad. The doctors and nurses all said he wasn't going to make it and if he did he would be a vegetable, that they should "pull the plug" on his life. Well, his Mother wouldn't even consider that, telling the hospital staff that he would make it and she would never give up on her son. As we walked in to the Temple grounds it was so peaceful. Here I was limping along but poor Damir took quite a while to make it to our chairs. The last time I saw him was at Kamber's funeral and he was extremely thin, white as a ghost and in a wheelchair. As we sat and watched the Pageant about the life of Christ, I thought of how important the Atonement is to all of us. Although most of us are struggling with some sort of challenge we can all make it back to our Heavenly Father if we repent, and live the commandments. It sounds so simple, but in reality it gets complicated some times. After the Pageant we went to eat at Denny's, it was close and late around 9:00 p.m. As we sat and visited I asked him a bunch of questions like, do you remember the accident? How long were you in a coma? How old is your little boy now? As we talked I remembered a conversation I had with one of my favorite people in the whole world. I remember him saying that if he was in an accident and was on life support, and wasn't going to be at least 95% he didn't want to live, he wanted us to "pull the plug." After talking to Damir and seeing how thankful he is to be alive, I felt so disappointed in my loved ones attitude. NO his life isn't perfect, he goes to therapy everyday and his girlfriend drives him everywhere he needs to go, but darn it he seemed happier than any one of us who haven't been through what he has. He is thankful for just being alive. What a wonderful place to be, having gratitude for the simplest things. I need to change my attitude and hopefully I will never have to make that horrible decision.

Learning Charity

2011-04-12T15:28:00.000-07:00

It seems like lately I've been "lower than a snake's belly" so I hate to write when I don't feel normal in the head. Yesterday I spent the day with a dear friend. We went to lunch, the chiropractor and then shopping for clothes. It felt good to be out and not just home in the doldrums. Today Mindi went to get another ultrasound of her baby so I went to Scottsdale to visit with my parents. It's always nice to go home and be able to relax and just be me. My Mom works in the Temple but because of the Easter Pageant she doesn't have to work for a couple of weeks so my Dad decided to take us out to lunch at Los Olivos. As we drove to downtown Scottsdale I couldn't believe how different it looks since I moved away 35 years ago. Life seemed so simple then. Growing up my Dad would always tell me, "Teri don't wish your life away." I didn't understand it then, but now I do. While talking to my parents I told them how disappointed I am with my life right now. I try to do the right things, those that I was taught as a child, but there is still a part of me that I don't seem to be able to change. To me life should be different than it is. I really did feel that after my surgery I would feel better, walk better, be able to do things I couldn't before because of the constant pain. That's not my reality yet, all I can have is hope that someday things will get better. I'm so thankful for parents who love me and want the best for me. I know their lives haven't been perfect but they have always lived life with charity, now if I could just become like them my life would get easier for sure.

2011-04-08T12:22:00.000-07:00

The birthdays just keep coming. Yesterday Spencer's little guy turned four and today my little, or should I say BIG guy turns 30. I can't believe it has been that long since I birthed my first son. He was almost ten pounds, and if the cord hadn't been wrapped around his neck he would have been born in the carport of our little house on Jacaranda St. in Mesa. After a wild ride to the hospital, I was only in there around fifteen minutes before he was born. In the olden days we didn't have the privilege of knowing what gender we were having, so I was so excited to have a boy after two girls. I woke up this morning at 5:30 a.m. and couldn't go back to sleep. Rich leaves early to go work out so I'm alone almost every morning to ponder my life and my day. After about an hour of not so nice thoughts I decided to get up and do some writing that I was told would help me with some of these negative feelings I've been having. Since Kamber's passing I feel like I have a big chunk of my heart missing. Maybe a dark cloud hanging over me too. I often wonder if maybe there is something seriously wrong with me that I can't just forget the past and look forward to the future. The problem is, the future isn't looking that great to me right now either. It's easy with all the wars going on, the economy tanking, earthquakes and floods to get discouraged about life. Pretty soon it will be 110 degrees around here and that would make even a normal person crazy. Anyway, I'm thankful to be out of bed today, not running a fever, sitting up and taking nourishment, maybe that's all I need today to just have hope that I can make it through today. I have blessings upon blessings but darn it sometimes I can't see them through my dark colored glasses. Anyway, Happy Birthday to my wonderful son Ethan, we love you!

The Fisherman Returns to the Flu or Headache?

2011-04-06T15:39:00.001-07:00

Rich has been gone for four days fishing with Spencer in Missoula, Montana. I'm glad he got to go on a little trip but it will be nice to have him home, I always sleep better when he's here. When he leaves town I want to get lots of things done, like clean out a room, get all the ironing done, and have my house spotless and me looking "smashing" when he comes in the door. Well, I had great intentions today as I woke up and started doing my chores and trying to put things away. We also got irrigation so that is always a worry for me, but with Mindi pregnant and me crippled Dave came home to take care of that thankfully. As the morning progressed I started feeling worse with each passing minute. I finally got a thermometer from Mindi and put the heating pad on my feet, I also started taking some meds for my throbbing headache. What the @%ll, I have the flu again? After a lecture from my Mom to not stay in bed and "get up and dust," that is what my Grandma Fern would always say when we were sick, I have attempted to get a few things done before Rich arrives around 6:00 p.m. I'm wondering if it is the change in the pressure from a storm that is suppose to move in later tonight that is causing my headache, but who the heck knows. I have often wondered what it would be like to look and feel like I did before taking that hard road to marriage and child bearing. What would my life be like if I never got married, had kids and instead had a single life and career. Would I be happier with my life or would I yearn for what I have now? I understand that the "Plan of Happiness" requires us to be sealed in the Temple and have children if possible, so hopefully when I reach the other side it will be worth the sacrifices made. I can't imagine not having a husband, children and grandchildren, they teach me lessons I wouldn't have learned if I didn't have them in my life. On Monday I went to the UPS store to send a package to the kids in Colorado. It was full of birthday and Easter stuff for Tyton's birthday tomorrow. As I was standing there a lady and her husband walked in with a box of nothing but candy. Tootsie Roll pops, Skittles and a bunch of other candies they were sending to their grand kids in Texas. She was hobbling in on crutches so of course I had to ask her what her problem was. She told me how she was in a car and another vehicle rammed her, backed up and hit their car again. She seemed to think it was an insurance scam because this same driver had hit six other cars here in Gilbert. As a result of this accident she had a heart attack, a brain seizure and they had to replace her knee which her body is rejecting. I told her about my hip replacement and how disappointed I am that my walking isn't better, she had a few suggestions on how I could feel better. After listening to her story and all that is wrong with her I felt thankful that my problems seemed so minimal. No matter where I look there is always someone who is going through something worse than I am. Hopefully I will feel better tomorrow and get those things done on my list, if not there is always Friday.

Three Birthdays and NO Car Seat Cover

2011-04-04T18:28:00.000-07:00

All the kids at the party!

Ethan and Brookie after opening presents

The quilt I made for Brookie

I'm always excited when Rich leaves town because I think I can slack off on the house cleaning and go shopping, out to eat and just kick back. It sounds like a good idea until I look around and see that by taking a few days off it really just makes my life harder. Today we ran some errands, got some lunch and then drove down into the middle of Mesa to talk to a girl about helping me make a car seat cover for Mindi's new baby due in July. I bought a pattern last week and used some old ugly material to make a practice one and it turned out horrible. I thought I was a better seamstress than I am obviously. After talking to her about how much work it is and that you really don't have a pattern, I would just "eyeball it" I decided that maybe spending $75-$100 would be worth it instead of the irritation of making one. I love to make quilts, they aren't perfect, but who cares, I do the best I can, but to take on a project at this age and time just doesn't feel right to me. We went out to Ethan and Jenn's yesterday to celebrate Brookie's birthday. When we showed up she had this scarey looking Dora mask on. Every time I think of her it makes me smile. She was only three months old when Kamber passed away, she is really special to me because she helped get me through that terrible trial. I also have a really special feeling for little Gunnar who was born a few hours after we buried Kamber. It will be interesting to me when I go to the other side to understand the dynamic between burying a grandchild while bringing another one in the world on the same day. Tyton's birthday is Thurs. and then Ethan will be 30 on Friday. Conference weekend was so good. As I was listening to the speakers I realized how many things I fall short in doing. It seemed like the brethren are really worried about the families and the way we treat each other. I know I don't show the appreciation and love I should to my spouse and kids, I need to do better. Hopefully tomorrow will be a more productive day for me, before I know it Rich will be home wondering what I did for four days. What has he been doing for this time, eating prime rib and fishing, life isn't fair!

Bathing With The Scorpions

2011-04-01T15:56:00.000-07:00

After a couple of days of severe pain it is nice to be up and walking again. Mindi and I even went shopping for baby clothes and material for her quilt. I feel like I'm in a catch 22 where I need to exercise to burn calories, but if I'm not careful and do too much, I put myself back a few months. My Dad came over for a visit yesterday and to pick up some grapefruit from our trees. He and my Mom have been super worried all week about the hip pain I have been experiencing. After I showed him where it hurt and told him how discouraged I have been he finally said, "Teri, you are just going to have to accept the fact that you are crippled and awkward and just do the best you can and try not to get down emotionally." Okay Dad, thanks for the words of wisdom. I had Rich and Dave give me a blessing on Wed. evening and oh how I appreciate the power of the Priesthood in my life. As I got in the tub to soak my aching muscles I swung my legs over our huge tub and as I looked down my foot was an inch from this darling little scorpion. Here I was standing naked in the tub sharing it with a stinging creature. I tried to yell at Rich to come help me but he was in the office. I struggled to get my butt out of there as fast as I could, threw my nightgown on and stormed down to where he was reading and asked him why he didn't come help me. He says he didn't hear me. Anyway, I just filled the tub up with water and scooped him out and drowned him. This weekend is General Conference and I can't wait to listen to the speakers and feel the spirit. There are always things I need to hear, so hopefully I will be able to take it all in. Rich is leaving on Sunday morning to Montana to go fishing with Spencer. I hope they have a fun time, but don't catch any fish. That's mean huh! With Rich out of town I can do anything I want, Spencer promised me a spa treatment but that isn't happening, I will just be happy with a few nights of good sleep.

Exercise Equals Pain!

2011-03-30T17:31:00.000-07:00

Monday morning I got a call from a dear friend asking if I was up to walking to get a little exercise. Mornings and especially Mondays aren't my favorite, but I told her she was welcome to come over and maybe we could do some stretching. So when she came we went in the family room and started doing an exercise routine I had taped in hopes of maybe burning some calories. Well, it felt really good to be stretching and I even did some light aerobics and lifted some weights. I was so proud of myself that I went out of my comfort zone and did more than I have in a long time. By yesterday afternoon I was so sore and my hip felt like it had been dislocated. I stayed in bed all afternoon with ice packs wincing in pain every time I tried to turn over. I spent a sleepless night trying to get comfortable and after taking pain meds all night I still wasn't pain free. This morning as Rich left he says his usual, "Dewey are you alright?" My answer was, "no I think I'm going to die if I don't find some relief for this pain." After he left my Mom called to see how I was doing. I told her about my night and how much pain I'm in and how desperate I am to find out what is wrong with me. She tries to help but basically NO ONE can help me. Mindi came home from her doctors appointment and informed me that today was the last day to use my 30% off coupon at Kohl's, so I got dressed, sucked it up and went shopping. I have three birthdays next week so it was important to make it to the sale. By the time we got home I was in tears, my head was pounding, my neck stiff and my hip was throbbing. I started taking the pain meds again and spent the afternoon on the bed with ice packs and a heating pad. I finally made it up to feed to animals and hopefully work on two quilts I need to finish. Rich called this afternoon to see if I had expired or not, we were talking about the olden days when I was a collegiate athlete and now there is a possibility I will be in a wheelchair someday. I assured him that he has aged too and there are some things about him that aren't the same now either. We did come to the conclusion that life isn't fair, and that when you get married you really don't know what challenges you will have along the way. We have some close family members who have decided to divorce and go their separate ways taking their children away from the church and out of our family. It breaks my heart to see the affect it is having on the people I love, but that is what we fought for in Heaven, the right to choose for ourselves what kind of life we want to live. I know there are people close to us who are literally fighting for their lives. It makes me feel bad that I can't just accept that I'm crippled and be happy, but that isn't the Greer Way!

March Madness

2011-03-28T16:58:00.000-07:00

Casket made for Kamber

I love the month of March because the weather is so nice and the flowers are so beautiful. I also love "March Madness" with the college basketball games being played. My Dad attended ASU on a basketball scholarship so we were hoping one of our sons would want to excel at that sport, but instead they loved football. Even though both BYU and the U of A lost this weekend they both had really good seasons. This Sat. we attended the baptism of a friend of Rich's. She works at a Home Depot, his "home away from home", and he saw something really special in her. There have also been others who have seen the same light in her and we are happy to be a part of her conversion. I was impressed by some of the comments made at her baptism that "even though you have made this decision to be baptised it doesn't mean that you won't have many adversities along the way." After the accident that took Kamber from us, Ethan and Rich spent a week making her casket. The choices they gave them were not acceptable to the family so they decided to build something worthy enough to send her home in. Well, this weekend we got a call from a friend in the ward wanting Ethan's phone number. They had a close friend lose a son to a rare ruptured blood vessel in the brain and passed away on Sat. Ethan and Jenn have started a non profit where he is making caskets for children who pass away hoping to defray the cost, plus these are beautiful works of art. He took it to get the inside finished to be ready for the funeral on Wed. I have been racking my brain as to what we as a family can do to raise money to pay for the cost of materials for these little caskets. We are kicking around some ideas from either a garage sale or raffle off items that are donated. I know it is hard on my kids to go through the emotions while working on these caskets but I'm hoping that they will be able to provide a great service to grieving families and hopefully in turn it will help them with the healing process.

On The Road Again

2011-03-25T12:26:00.001-07:00

Yesterday morning Rich came in to propose a plan to get me to Camp Verde to pick up my little bunnies. He suggested that I go to work with him, check on a couple of jobs and then we would hit the freeway and make our way up north. At first I wasn't so sure I wanted to spend the whole day on a road trip, but I hurried and started my dishwasher, threw a load of laundry in, got dressed and off we went. Rich is so busy running his company that we never really have time to spend alone. He's always worked 12-14 hours a day and I've spent all my time here at home by myself, so spending the day with him is really rare. While he was working on a job I sat in the truck listening to the radio and working on a quilt. I had the windows down and felt the cool breeze on my face, hearing all the birds chirping. Before we left I went in to see what the job looked like, I hear about jobs sometimes, but never actually see the transformation that comes once he gets the work done. We had a nice drive up the I 17 and enjoyed looking at the mountains and landscape. The only time we go that way is when we go to Utah and lately Rich has just flown in the airplane. Anyway, we made it up there around 12:30 p.m. and spent some time talking to Sally about her rabbits, chickens and even a cute little sheep. When I talked to her on the phone she only had one little female but when we got there she decided to let me buy two. I guess when I told her how sad I was about my Colorado rabbits she felt sorry and decided she would part with them. Sally was kind, most people that like animals are super nice. As we left Rich and I felt sorry for her as she told us that her husband can't find any work. We felt really blessed that we have been fortunate to make it through this rough economy, so far. We had planned to have a nice lunch but were running out of time as we needed to make it back to Phoenix to check on another job, hit Home Deport to pick up a window before dropping me off for Dave to bring me home. Rich had a meeting about a new job at 5:00 p.m. so I got to spend some quality time riding home from Scottsdale with Dave. It meant a lot to me that my husband, who isn't that BIG of an animal lover would take the time out of his busy schedule to take me that far to purchase rabbits. Hopefully this won't be our last road trip, I just don't think it will be picking up animals next time.

Loss

2011-03-23T17:08:00.000-07:00

What a busy week it has been, time is going by so fast. My sister Mell had asked me to help her teach a couple of her friends how to make tamales. Yesterday was the day and even though it was a lot of work we had a good time. I'm not an expert by any means, I've only made them a few times but they turned out really well. I always get anxiety when I'm having strangers over to my house. I woke up early and took all my St. Pat's stuff down and got all the Easter rabbits put in their place. I did some laundry, cleaned my kitchen, filled up my hummingbird feeder and even took a shower and put on some make up. By the time they were cooking the last batch of tamales I was lying on the couch trying to get my second wind. I have always needed that little nap in the afternoon or I can't make it through the evening. I have been really sad about my bunnies and have been searching for some to replace mine. There is a girl in Camp Verde who is saving one for me and Rich has offered to take me on a road trip to pick her up. I just don't know when we will be making the trek. As I was talking to a friend of mine today about how sad I've been about my rabbits I began to cry. Okay, they were just two rabbits, what's my problem? It boils down to the fact that these were special rabbits. My son cared enough about me to drive me for two hours to pick them up, let me keep them in his garage and then brought them home the fourteen hours to Arizona. These rabbits weren't in my house, I hardly even touched them, but the sentimental value represented someone who cared about me. I have experienced one of the greatest losses by losing Kamber and these little bunnies are nothing compared to losing her, but darn it, it brings up the same emotions deep in my heart. I know there will be other pets that will come and go, they can be replaced unlike a loved one. Rich and I were talking about it last night and wondered if we will ever be able to "get over it" what ever that means. The only thing we can do is try and live a life worthy of seeing her again when we join her on the other side, but until then I will just keep trying to find something to fill the void.

Why Is Life So Hard?

2011-03-21T18:46:00.000-07:00

I had a rough weekend but isn't life rough most of the time anyway? Trisyn had a volleyball tournament on Sat. and because of conflicts I haven't been able to watch her play. So because the games were being played close I decided to go. She had to be there at 7:15 a.m. so it was an early morning to get myself ready plus have all my animals fed. We got out there and watched the first game and then we had a two hour wait before the second game so we decided to go to Ethan and Jenn's to hang out. The kids had a fun time playing and then Jenn took me back with her kids for the last two games. Tristyn played really well but the team only won one out of the three games. I had left Rich home with a list of things to do but especially wanted him to get a cage built for my big white Colorado rabbit that Spencer drove me two hours to buy when I was up visiting. Anyway, I ended up buying two does and one was hopefully going to have babies soon. Well, Rich got busy doing other things and only got the hutch partially built and that was okay because I knew I had one more week before the babies were due. On Sunday morning Mindi came and told me to not go outside because the dogs had killed my two rabbits. WHAT! They didn't eat them, but they must have chased them until they died. I was distraught all day. I noticed that she had been digging but didn't think she could dig that far to get under the wall. It is a good thing I didn't go out because I would probably kill two dogs. I understand it is an instinct for dogs to chase rabbits, but I'm still heartbroken. I'm trying to find some of the same breed and there are some possibilities even if Rich has to take me to Camp Verde I will find some new Flemish Giants to replace my Colorado rabbits. Life is hard but there's nothing I can do about it but try to cope with what comes my way.

All of the grand kids after the tournament.